


Glass Fingertips

by aquilaprisca



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-05-27 23:57:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 45,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6305458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquilaprisca/pseuds/aquilaprisca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On that cold hard ground, surrounded by a hundred blank faces, Jinyoung wonders, with his arm burning and his head spinning, how he had possibly managed to find his soulmate, and how he had lost them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glass Fingertips

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jaekyu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaekyu/gifts).



> to my recipient, thank you for your lovely prompts, i hope this meets just a little bit of your expectations ~
> 
> some warnings:  
> \- mentions of mental illness  
> \- description of hyperventilation  
> \- an awful amount of angst  
> \- my typos, in their glorious hundreds

This city, this wretched city with its looming skyscrapers, greying the sky into oblivion with it’s dreadful clouds. The crossing is crowded, people moving like ants, close together and in sync. Jinyoung stands at the pavement, his toes tickling the edge as if to take the step, but he doesn’t. He stands still, frozen, staring ahead, the light is green, blinking, telling him to _go_ , to move but he can’t, something roots him here.  
  
As if every muscle in his body has given up on him, his hands limp by his side and his shoulders soft as people slam into him, shoving him aside, hissing at him but he doesn’t care.  
  
Why is he here? In this wretched city where the air suffocates him with the stench of smoke and perfume. It drifts off people, off everything, clinging to him and his clothes and clawing its way down his throat. He can’t breathe.  
  
He holds his breath and thinks maybe his mother got lost again, he couldn’t see her, couldn’t feel her beside him. She was just humming beside him a moment ago, an old tune Jinyoung knew so well. Maybe he got lost...maybe he walked away from her, he doesn’t really know, he can’t remember.  
  
Or maybe it was the burning, the unfamiliar feeling screaming down his arm as if someone had pressed hot metal onto his bare skin. He looks down, he’s wearing an ugly blue sweater his mother insists is chic, _the latest fashion_ she says but he doesn’t really care. His nerves prickle as he grabs the hem of his sleeve and slowly rolls it up until it’s just above his elbow.  
  
It was like a burn mark, except Jinyoung wasn’t burnt and it had already looked like it healed over, leaving nothing but three small black swirls laid underneath his skin. His whole body shook, his legs threatening to lock up and give up on him, but he’s not so pathetic, he can stand on his own.  
  
_This_ means nothing, he tells himself. But even still, he flicks his head up, his eyes darting around the thick moving crowd, looking, searching for someone but it’s useless, he can’t find his-  
  
Jinyoung’s legs finally give up on him, he stumbles back and lands onto the cold pavement, people crowd around him immediately, their worried faces circling him but he doesn’t really see them, he just see’s those three black swirls and fully realises what’s happened.  
  
In this wretched city, with it’s wretched people and wretched air, Jinyoung had found his soulmate, and he had not.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
The teacher clears her throat and Jinyoung barely hears her, his eyes slowly shift away from the bird he was watching past this classroom, in the distance but still very clear with the blue sky as its backdrop, and towards the twenty pairs of eyes as they bore into him.  
  
Jinyoung smiles then and bows slightly, “Hello, my name is Park Jinyoung, nice to meet you.”  
  
Silence follows, and the teacher stiffens, they had expected more but Jinyoung wasn’t sure what to offer them.  
  
The teacher- Jinyoung cannot remember her name, clears her throat again and gestures to him, “Tell them where you’re from Jinyoung,” She whispers.  
  
Jinyoung stares past the eyes upon him and somewhere not here,  somewhere where the sun beats down on the sand and the white froth left behind by waves tickles at your toes. “The sea-”  
  
“You used to live in the sea?” Someone snorts, and Jinyoung’s eyes flicker to a boy in the back with short hair and slitted eyes, his feet up on his desk as he rocks on his chair. The class laughs lightheartedly and Jinyoung laughs along with them, his smile scratching into his cheeks.  
  
“Sorry, Jeju island, I’m from Jeju island,” Jinyoung says, and the class responds with an ‘ _ooooh_ ’ in unison, except for the boy in the back.  
  
“You don’t have an accent though,” A girl points out, curious.  
  
“My parents are from Seoul, they just wanted to raise me in Jeju,” Jinyoung explains with a lick of his lips.  
  
“Why did you move-” Someone else begins but the teacher cuts in, and Jinyoung tries hard not to show just how relieved he is to just be assigned a seat at the back where he can blend away into the background. But the people here aren’t like the people in Jeju, they’re collectively nosey, intrigued and too curious for Jinyoung’s taste. But he plays the part, to get through school without problems, he puts on a smile and nods at his classmates around him as they turn in their seats and start throwing him questions.  
  
He tries to answer them, and he tries not to, dancing with his words he diverts as elegantly as he can, satisfying them without giving away too much either. But someone had to press too hard, they always do. _Why did you come?_ someone asks, he can’t tell who it is but it doesn’t matter, everyone wants to know.  
  
“My mother...got a new job here, and she missed Seoul,” Jinyoung says, not entirely lying. They seem satisfied enough and by then the next teacher walks in prepared for the first lesson of the day. They all turn then, finally had enough of him and him of them, and as Jinyoung lets his eyes flicker back to the window he doesn’t miss the pair of eyes still on him from the boy in the back.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Adjusting to school life, to Seoul life, doesn’t take Jinyoung long, it wasn’t as if he had never visited before, after all most of his extended family was here but holiday visits are entirely different to settling down. It’s convenient, Jinyoung thinks, at least.  
  
Buses are more frequent, there isn’t as much hills to climb, school is close by and shops are open 24/7, Jinyoung tries to consider his new life with positivity but the bitterness always manages to ebb it’s way in. He missed the sea, he missed the taste of salt in the air, he missed his home.  
  
But he’d never tell his mother that, she already knew anyway, despite Jinyoung insisting he was fine, despite him cooperating with her and even going out to find the school he were to attend, she stills shows signs of worry. They’re brief and only flash for a moment, Jinyoung was much like his mother, except time has waned his mother's core so much that she struggles to keep a crooked mask around him now.  
  
But there’s nothing else he can do, not for now anyway, but pretend he’s okay just as much as she pretends she’s okay and move on with life, or at least try to.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Sometimes in the dead of night, Jinyoung lays upon his bed, a lamp on and traces the Marks on his arm. His fingers would go across the skin just above them, smooth and clean, as if he had them tattooed but the colour, the look of it wasn’t like that of one, it looked like someone had pressed burning charcoal to his skin and engraved it into his flesh.  
  
Sometimes he cuts them, not deep and not for any reason but to see if it’d disappear but just as the skin would eventually heal so would the image and Jinyoung is left with what he started out in the beginning; a symbol that tells him he belongs with someone.  
  
It was a common phenomenon, unexplained, tested, and resulted in no explanation but what myths offered; _soulmates_. It happened to almost everyone, a pair of people meeting (they had to touch), feeling the same burning sensation upon their skin, the only distinguishing thing was that each pair had their own unique symbol to find each other.  
  
Now, it is something that people rarely think about, like dreams, it just _happens_ , and we have our reasons for them but we never really know _why_.   
  
He wonders sometimes what he’d do, if he met them, being soulmates doesn’t always mean falling in love, but it still worries him. Caught between the want, the curiosity and the anger that bubbles inside him, Jinyoung is constantly torn between the contradictions within himself. Then again, he may never meet them, one bump with a stranger doesn’t always mean they’ll turn back because _fate_ has nothing to do with it.  
  
So he thinks about it, and sometimes he doesn’t, wishing it wouldn’t bother him but it does.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
It’s been over two months since Jinyoung moved to Seoul, his classmates are used to him now, he still gets called the _new guy_ sometimes but Jackson tends to snap at anyone who does.  
  
Jackson Wang, a loud and irritating boy with smiles far too large and messy to be anything but what they are. He’s from Hong Kong, moved to South Korea to live with his grandmother when he was small because his parents can’t stand being in the same spot for too long. Jinyoung thought they were similar at first, but it wasn’t long till he found out they were complete opposites, and although he’d choose to not have Jackson around, Jackson believes otherwise. They soon, too quickly, became a pair.  
  
And Jinyoung was fine, life was okay, his studies were fine, his mother was enjoying her work as a seamstress in a wedding dress shop and no one bothered him. No one asks questions anymore and Jackson isn’t that curious so their conversations are superficial, and things are...fine.  
  
But if Jinyoung has learnt anything in the fimble seventeen years of his life, he knows nothing stays fine for too long.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Things go awry one day when Jinyoung’s walking home, earphones buzzing in his ear, he walks through the streets of the city, taking the shortcuts he learnt over time. There’s a group of boys crowded in a tight alley way, it peaks Jinyoung’s interest for a short moment but he knows it isn’t smart to stick around and keeps walking ahead.  
  
Something, however, stops him mid track, a familiar face? _No_ , it was the familiar uniform, it was the uniform one of them was wearing. He bites his lip, contemplating his different options, honestly the best option was to go home but he goes against his better instincts and takes a step back. He decides to just observe _for now_ , giving the crowd a closer look, it doesn’t look like there's much people as he originally thought, about four, five crowding one in the middle. One of the others moves quickly then, throwing his leg up and connecting his knee with the boy's stomach swiftly, the boy gasps and gags, lurching forward in pain and that’s when Jinyoung recognizes him. He sees him everyday, the boy at the back with slitted eyes and short hair, Im Jaebum, the top of the class (annoyingly) and the short tempered asshole that Jinyoung makes every effort to avoid.  
  
Jinyoung thinks about it then, feeling a little more content to let him get beaten, after all it has nothing to do with him, and knowing Jaebum’s foul mouth, he probably deserves it. But as a fist cracks against Jaebum’s jaw, Jinyoung begins to have doubts. But what was he to do? This wasn’t a manhwa, he couldn’t just go beat them up with his non-existent taekwondo skills.  
  
An empty beer bottle, topled to its side, catches his attention then and with a deep sigh Jinyoung takes a step towards it and kicks it, flying for a moment before it meets with the brick wall and shatters into pieces. This catches their attention and Jinyoung throws a hand to the back of his head as he slightly bows, “Ah sorry but I called the police, I don’t know if you want to run or….?”  
  
The boys look at him for a moment, fully registering what he just said and as if an internal clock simultaneously went off in their heads, they swivel and run in the opposite direction, shouting incoherently.  
  
Jinyoung watches them as they turn a corner until Jaebum coughs, and Jinyoung’s eyes look down. Jaebum struggles to even sit up, blood dripping slowly from his busted lip, he cradles his stomach and stumbles to get up. Jinyoung takes a couple of steps closer and looks down at him, “You need help?”  
  
Jaebum laughs and flops backwards, leaning against the brick wall he looks up at Jinyoung and wipes his lip. “I was handling it, you didn’t need to involve yourself.”  
  
“You didn’t look like you were handling it,” Jinyoung retorts.  
  
Jaebum snorts but winces straight afterward, touching his jaw gently. “Bastards.” He mutters under his breath. Jinyoung stares at him for a brief moment, noting two beauty spots upon his eyelid, then Jaebum looks up at him with a quirk of his eyebrow. “Are you waiting for a thanks because you’re going to be here for a long time my friend.”  
  
Jinyoung bends down on his knees then and holds out a hand, Jaebum stares at it, scowling at the fact his taunts aren’t affecting Jinyoung much. Jinyoung sighs and looks up at the sky, “It’s dark...and I need to get home, you want help or not? Can you get home on your own?”  
  
Jaebum smirks, and tries hard not to retract it despite the pain evident in his face, “I can get home just fine-” Jaebum snaps as he pushes himself up to his feet but his strength gives out and he lands on the floor again with a thud. “...maybe not?”  
  
It was Jinyoung’s turn to snort, but his snort is faint and uncharacteristic of him and before Jaebum can make a comment, he quickly goes to grab his arm and lifts him. Jaebum reluctantly and uncomfortably complies, awkwardly placing his hand around Jinyoung’s shoulder, his cheeks flushed, and Jinyoung doesn’t know if it’s from the beating or because of his pathetic situation.  
  
“Where to?” Jinyoung asks.  
  
Jaebum opens his mouth and then closes it, frowning. “I can’t go home.” He mumbles and Jinyoung wishes he didn’t hear those words so much he pretends he hadn’t and asks again, but Jaebum just gives him a look. “I can’t go home.” He repeats, clearer.  
  
Jinyoung tries not to sigh but nods instead, “Okay, where to then?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
Jinyoung’s eye twitches. “Fine, my place then.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“It was my fault in the first place for trying to save you,” Jinyoung mutters, but then blinks, shocked at himself for actually saying the words rather than thinking them. Jaebum however just laughs and then yelps in pain.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
“Oh, oh, oh my god! Blood!” Jinyoung’s mother squawks from the front door. She had been standing in the door frame, peering down the road waiting for Jinyoung as she does when he’s a little later than usual. “Come inside, quick, quick.”  
  
Jinyoung drags a limping Jaebum inside and throws him onto the living room couch. Rough, frowning and sharp, Jaebum looks incredibly out of place on the beige sofas, framed by the floral curtains. Jinyoung wants to snort again but Jinyoung doesn’t snort, so instead he heads to boil water while his mother searches for the first aid kit.  
  
“Tea?” Jinyoung asks from the open kitchen.  
  
“Tea?” Jaebum repeats.  
  
“Tea.” Jinyoung throws back, giving him a look.  
  
“Uh, yeah...I guess,” Jaebum awkwardly shrugs and then Jinyoung’s mother comes scurrying in with a large box with a red cross on the top of it.  
  
“Let’s get you all fixed up,” She smiles, welcoming and warm, and Jaebum instantly relaxes then and nods meekly. Jinyoung brings two mugs of tea then, one for him and one for Jaebum while his mother dabs a cotton bud on the cut on his lip.  
  
“So why were you getting beat up?” Jinyoung finally asks as his mother focuses on the gash above his eyebrow. Jaebum stiffens, looking up at Jinyoung’s mother then to Jinyoung as if to say he doesn’t want to tell but Jinyoung just blinks, waiting for an answer.  
  
Jaebum shifts awkwardly for a moment before letting out a grumble, “One of the guys….I got with his girlfriend, she goes to our school.” He admits and Jinyoung _really_ isn’t surprised. If a foul mouth and good grades was the only thing Jaebum was known for in school, then there really wouldn’t be a problem, or Jinyoung would care far less than he already does but Jaebum likes to make a reputation for himself, likes to be loud, likes to do stupid stuff and gain too much attention. Girls was just one thing on a long list of things that Jaebum does wrong.  
  
“That’s not nice,” Jinyoung’s mother comments, her voice high and Jinyoung tries to ignore it.  
  
Jaebum shrinks back from her touch but Jinyoung’s mother just moves closer, “I didn’t know she was dating anyone, she came onto me, I swear.” He says defensively, his eyes on Jinyoung’s mother but they flicker to Jinyoung anyway.  
  
Jinyoung’s mother giggles, “What it’s like to be young…”  
  
Jinyoung gives his mother a look, he’d like to be embarrassed but Jaebum looks embarrassed enough for the two of them.  
  
When Jinyoung’s mother is done mending to him, Jaebum places the untouched and cold cup of tea onto the coffee table and awkwardly gets up. “Uh well thank you...but I really should go now.” He says hurriedly and grabs his blazer, his feet moving quickly but Jinyoung is just as quick and follows him to the door.  
  
“You’re okay going home now?” Jinyoung asks as Jaebum hops into his shoes.  
  
Jaebum flicks his head to the side and looks at himself in the mirror hung on the corridor wall, “No probably not but I look much better than before.” He then turns to Jinyoung and stiffly nods before heading out and shutting the door behind him.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
“Jinyoung and Jaebum,” Their tutor, Mrs Jung calls out the next day. They both flinch and so does the rest of the class because there’s no reason and there’s never been a reason for both their names to be called out together other than when announcing ranks in grades, Jaebum always above Jinyoung. And as far as the whole year was involved, there weren’t exams for another two months. “Headmaster's office, now.”  
  
The headmasters office is much like the rest of the school, cold, big and empty. Sometimes Jinyoung thinks he picked this place out so perfectly, so much like him. It doesn’t, however, change anything about the bubbling irritance that he has to swallow down every day. Hypocritically, it’s all too fake too, the students, the teachers, the school, just like him and he hates it, despite how well it helps him blend in.  
  
The headmaster is an old man with an angular jaw and constantly crossed eyebrows. He sighs as he looks up from the papers in his hand and towards Jinyoung and Jaebum. “Hmm…” He makes a deep rumble in his chest and strokes at the stubble speckled across his jaw. “I didn’t expect this from you two, well, not from you at least Jinyoung.”  
  
If Jaebum was hurt by the comment, he doesn’t show it, in fact it seems he’s very much used to this predicament. The two of them know why they’re here.  
  
“Someone reported you two for fighting yesterday,” He announces, neither of them reacting, Jaebum in fact looks bored.  
  
_Go figures_ , Jinyoung thinks bitterly, _of course people snitch each other out here. Especially if the students at the top of the class were involved._  
  
“You guys are both smart, Jaebum you’re a little too much for your constant troubles so I’ll give you both the opportunity to explain to me,” He says, and something in his eyes says he wants to hear the right words, not the truth.  
  
“I got beat up and Jinyoung came to save me, it has nothing to do with him...sir,” Jaebum pushes the last word out with effort but collects his composure again, the headmaster, obviously noticing.  
  
“Hmmm…” The headmaster grumbles again. “I understand, I’ll believe you since it seems this issue won’t get any bigger, I’ll just give you guys a month of detention, seems fair?”  
  
Not at all, but Jinyoung doesn’t say anything.  
  
“Even smart students need to be punished,” He adds, revealing his true intentions and Jinyoung realises they got off easily.  
  
Jaebum and Jinyoung then bow their heads and head out of the room, they walk down the corridor in silence, but Jinyoung can sense Jaebum’s frustration building up in him and when they turn the corner, Jaebum snaps.  
  
“Why didn’t you say anything?” He demands, his eyes searching Jinyoung’s but Jinyoung just shrugs. “You know he’d listen to you more than he’d listen to me.”  
  
“It’s not a big deal,” Jinyoung scratches the back of his neck and continues his way down the hall. Jaebum follows, angrily stomping his feet.  
  
“It _will_ be, these things build up,” Jaebum warns as if he cares, but Jinyoung knows he’s just irritated he wasn’t backed up in there.  
  
“I don’t really care,” Jinyoung replies, and he doesn’t, a month of detention just means less time in the classroom.  
  
“Of course you wouldn’t,” Jaebum huffs from beside him. “I knew I didn’t like you.” He admits and Jinyoung doesn’t really react, it was a feeling he got from the beginning, it was why he never bothered to put up that pathetic excuse of a smile up in front of him.  
  
Jaebum walks ahead, anger pouring out of him, and Jinyoung just watches his back.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Jinyoung and Jaebum both sit in a small room located in the third year building across from each other and staring out the window. They try to ignore each other's presence. The teacher, an innocent student teacher awkwardly stands at the end of the table with a load of paperwork to file or staple.  
  
The teacher gives her watch a look, it’s six pm. “The rest of your class is in a self-study and as punishment the headmaster decided to strip that time away from you…” She says it out loud like it doesn’t make sense. “So these are the leaflets we need you to staple together.”  
  
“Brilliant,” Jaebum huffs and the student teacher jerks in response.  
  
Jinyoung, noticing, gets up from his seat and bows quickly. “Thank you,” He smiles and the teacher seems to relax. She nods then and heads out of the room while Jinyoung cuts the pile in half, grabbing his work and leaving Jaebum’s on the end of the table.  
  
Jaebum gives him a look as he settles back down in his seat and then looks at the pile of papers before huffing loudly again, kicking the table violently as he gets up to grab the stack and shoves it closer to his seat.  
  
“You really know how to use that smile of yours,” Jaebum bitterly snaps and Jinyoung can’t really see him from behind the towers they have hid themselves behind. “How’s anyone going to like you if you’re so fake?” Jaebum bluntly states and Jinyoung would like to feel hurt, but even then he doesn’t care.  
  
“I don’t need people to like me,” Jinyoung nonchalantly replies. “Besides more people like me than they like you.”  
  
Jaebum chuckles, “No, it doesn’t count if they don’t like _you_.” That one pricks at Jinyoung, his eye betraying him as it twitches, luckily Jaebum can’t see him behind the papers.  
  
“Why couldn’t you just not screw with a girl?” Jinyoung sighs and staples the first pieces of paper together harshly.  
  
“Oh...so it does bother you? You looked pretty cool about it yesterday,” Jaebum taunts and Jinyoung imagining the expressions he’s making irritates him more than he’d like.  
  
“I don’t care, I just don’t understand why you like to cause yourself trouble,” Jinyoung continues on, not comfortable with how much he’s talking but not stopping either. “Isn’t it last month you got caught for riding a motorcycle?”  
  
“What does it matter?” Jinyoung can hear him shrug and his eye twitches again. “They aren’t going to kick me out because of my grades.”  
  
_Bastard_ is what Jinyoung wants to call him but he still seems to have some form of self control around Jaebum. He didn’t think it’d take this quick to regret interfering last night and yet here he was, regretting it with every ounce of his body.  
  
“Your mother's nice by the way…” He suddenly says, too softly, it makes Jinyoung cringe. “Tell her thanks again.”  
  
“Where’s my thanks?”  
  
Jaebum just snorts and Jinyoung wants to punch him.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
“How’d you manage to get punished two months into your new school?” Jackson asks his mouth filled with noodles. Jinyoung pokes at his rice and shrugs. “That’s not an answer.”  
  
“I was walking home from cram school and he was getting beat up,” Jinyoung simply states and takes a grain of rice to his mouth, it just sits on his tongue.  
  
“I’m not really getting it but I think I get it.” Jackson shakes his head and continues shovelling the food down his throat.  
  
“Who is he?”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Jaebum.”  
  
“I don’t understand the question…”  
  
“Is he like the son of someone influential? Rich? The headmasters grandson?” Jinyoung’s curiosity slips out of his mouth too fast and he bites his lip as if he could take the words back.  
  
Jackson stares at Jinyoung for a moment, chewing slowly. “No, his parents own a really good chicken restaurant, we should go one day.” Jackson answers simply and goes back to giving his food his full attention.  
  
Jinyoung relaxes a bit, that’s why he liked Jackson, he never pushed anything and knew when to stay out of someone’s business. Jinyoung, however, was being careless.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Sometimes Jinyoung dreams of the sea, blue water so bright and clear in the summer, it glitters, as if diamonds were floating upon the surface. The sand soft and hot under his feet. Waves crash against large rocks, the sound...pleasant. He dreams he’s swimming, floating on his back in a pure bliss he’s never really experienced before, staring up at the vast blue sky and wondering how something could be so infinite.  
  
But the bliss always seems to crack and Jinyoung all too soon feels the water shackle around his ankle and drag him under. He takes one last gasp for air before he fully submerges and he’s going deeper and deeper. It isn’t long till he’s drowning, his mouth open, the water flooding in and he’s trying to scream, to cry but there’s no sound, just bubbles forming in front him, popping and taunting him, stealing his voice.  
  
He’s going to die, he’s going to drown and his mother is going to cry. He sees his father then, his smile, the way his wrinkles would fold over when he smiles, his eyes disappearing behind his lids and he chokes on tears, the water around him hot, _boiling_ , the heat is maddening as if he’s being cooked alive.  
  
Jinyoung looks down at his arm then, the black swirls glow bright red, burning the skin around him and he’s screaming, screaming so loud not even the water can contain his cries as the flesh on his arms burns off and suddenly-  
  
“Jinyoung?” Jaebum irritatingly calls out, kicking the table hard. “The fuck...were you sleeping?” He asks, poking his head from behind the stacks of paper. Today they were meant to be filing new admissions for students. “How can you sleep on the job?” He squawks.  
  
Jinyoung slowly gets up from the table, his eyes wet, and cold sweat sticks to the back of his neck. He sucks in a deep breath and steadies himself upright. Jaebum watches him curiously, his eyebrows furrowed.  
  
“You look like you got drugged,” Jaebum scoffs and goes back to punching holes.  
  
Jinyoung looks down at the paper he was clutching, the edge crumpled and torn, and lets go of it slowly, his knuckles stiff. He takes a deep breath and rolls out his shoulders. Jaebum pokes his head back out from behind the papers to steal a glance but earns a glare from Jinyoung and quickly pops it back away.  
  
“What time is it?” Jinyoung croaks, his voice thick and hoarse.  
  
Jaebum takes a while to reply. “Like...seven? You didn’t pass out for long, I don’t think.”  
  
Jinyoung blinks at his hands and rubs them on his pants. Jaebum clears his throat, “Had a bad dream?”  
  
“None of your business.”  
  
“Ugh…” Jaebum groans. “I really don’t like you.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
Jinyoung scowls, “I said I know, that’s the second time you’ve said that, I got it the first time.”  
  
Jaebum doesn’t respond.  
  
Jinyoung has to take a deep breath, he can’t remember who taught him but every time he felt his emotions get the better of him, he took a breath, the kind you can feel in the middle of your chest, and then he exhales a little of the bubbling anger within him. He’s not sure what’s gotten him so irritated, he’s forgotten what his dream was about already.  
  
“You okay?” Jaebum asks meekly, and his soft tone makes Jinyoung snort and then break out into a small laugh. Jaebum parts the paper work and makes a divide to see Jinyoung straight ahead. Jinyoung coughs and hides his smile behind his hand. Jaebum gives him a ridiculous kind of look and says, “You’re really odd, you know that?” He doesn’t say it like it’s a compliment but Jinyoung finds himself chuckling.  
  
“Thanks-”  
  
“Wasn’t a compliment,” Jaebum aggressively shakes his head and hole punches another paper.  
  
“I know,” Jinyoung says with a breath and tries to bite back the smile on his lips. “You just sounded really wary.”  
  
Jaebum grimaces, “Shut up.” A moment passes. “What were you dreaming about anyway? You looked like you were crying…”  
  
With the papers still parted, Jinyoung bends his head down, letting his hair fall in front of him, he couldn’t trust himself to keep up the pretenses. “I don’t know, I’ve forgotten already.”  
  
Jaebum lets him go and continues on punching holes but Jinyoung’s fallen into a daze. His head leant into his hand, he stares at Jaebum without realising. His eyebrows look like they were drawn on, arching at the ends like an angry villain in an anime, it makes Jinyoung’s lips twitch but he contains back another wave of laughter.  
  
“Is my face amusing?” Jaebum snaps, startling Jinyoung.  
  
Jinyoung’s flustered, “S-sorry I blanked out-”  
  
“You look like you got caught watching porn.”  
  
Jinyoung’s face drops into a grimace, “Your words are so...ugly.”  
  
Jaebum’s face mirrors his, “Excuse me? You picking a fight pretty boy?” He demands, slamming the hole puncher onto the table.  
  
“Am I that pretty?” Jinyoung retorts and settles back into his chair, offering Jaebum a taunting smirk.  
  
“Hey, you better watch yourself, just because I was a little thankful a while ago doesn’t me-”  
  
“Just hole punch _pretty boy_ ,” Jinyoung throws back.  
  
Jaebum bears his teeth and lifts his hand as if to slam it down again onto the table but he holds himself back and continues on hole punching while mumbling under his breath. Jinyoung tries very hard to hide his smile.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Jinyoung watches his mother cook, her shoulders look small from where he is on the dining table, they look brittle and fragile and he wonders how they manage to carry all the burdens they do. They make him feel guilty.  
  
She brings the stew to the table and they both dig in. Usually dinner is silent, a comfortable silence that they’ve made for just the two of them. But oddly enough today Jinyoung’s mother decides to open a conversation, not that Jinyoung is all that against it.  
  
“How’s that boy you brought over?” She asks.  
  
“Who?”  
  
“The one that got beat up,” She nods, probing at his memory.  
  
“Ah...Jaebum, he’s fine,” Jinyoung replies, _too fine_.  
  
“He seems lovely, you should bring him over again.” His mother says with a small smile that Jinyoung doesn’t really understand.  
  
“We’re not really friends…” Jinyoung admits, ashamed for some reason.  
  
She looks up at him surprised, “You’re not?”  
  
“Why do you sound so shocked?”  
  
“You just seemed oddly comfortable around him when he was here, I thought you guys were close,” She ponders, and the words confuse him. That night was the first time the two had even acknowledged each other, how could she have made such a conclusion? “You should make some friends.”  
  
“I have…” Jinyoung thinks about Jackson. “...friends.”  
  
Jinyoung’s mother catches his lie but she doesn’t voice it, and Jinyoung silently thanks her for it.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
They were in physical education. Jinyoung stands beside Jaebum with the largest frown ever seen on this patch of grass. He cranes his neck to look at Jackson a meter or two apart linked with a classmate and sighs.  
  
“Jackson, you traitor,” Jinyoung hisses low enough for just him and Jaebum to hear.  
  
Jackson turns around with an apologetic smile, “I’m _really_ sorry Jinyoung, but you’ve yet to suffer under the hands of Jaebum, we have all sacrificed ourselves once.”  
  
“Can you stop talking as if I killed you?” Jaebum barks.  
  
“You might as well have, you even pulled a muscle in Jimin last year, everyone has the right to be wary,” Jackson howls back and Jaebum almost growls. Jinyoung stands in the middle, his eye twitching.  
  
The teacher claps and orders them to do ten minutes of stretches.  
  
“Can we not just stretch on our own?” Jinyoung suggests but he already notices everyone else turning their backs to each other to link their arms.  
  
“This is also about…team work, my friend,” Jackson grunts as he bends forward, stretching their classmate, Hakyeon, backwards, his back arching over Jackson’s.  
  
“Besides you get to see who is stronger,” Hakyeon grins and bends forward ready to take on Jackson but he doesn’t land on his feet and the two crumble.  
  
Jinyoung watches them, a huddle on top of each other, and sighs...again.  
  
The teacher's whistle makes Jinyoung jump then. “Jinyoung, Jaebum, hurry up.” He says with a violent point of his finger.  
  
“Let’s just get this over with,” Jaebum huffs and goes to turn his back to Jinyoung. “You’ve done this before right pretty boy?”  
  
“Stop calling me that…” Jinyoung demands, trying not to cringe as Jaebum presses his back to his.  
  
“Why are you wearing a jumper? Aren’t you hot as hell right now?” Jaebum asks with a quirk of his eyebrow.  
  
“No, I’m fine,” Jinyoung mutters back, tugging consciously at his sleeves so that they were over his hands. He looks at his arm, where the mark would be and bites his lip. He didn’t want anyone to know, no one could know. It was something that brought too much attention, it made people think differently.  
  
“Whatever,” Jaebum says and snakes his arms around Jinyoung’s elbows. Suddenly Jinyoung is flying, too quick he sees his legs swing over him and suddenly they’re both dropping and Jinyoung doesn’t get to count how many rolls he does before he lands on his face, the grass smothering him. “Jinyoung!?” Jaebum shouts accusatory.  
  
His tone makes Jinyoung’s eye twitch and forces him to get up quickly to his feet, “What was that for?” He snaps and people turn their faces towards the two of them. Jinyoung quickly collects himself and spreads a smile on his face smoothly. “You okay Jaebum?” Jinyoung sweetly asks as he bends onto his knees and holds out a hand.  
  
Jaebum gives him a deadpan look and stares at his hand, “I’m fine.”  
  
“Always seem to be picking you up, aren’t I?” Jinyoung mumbles between his teeth. Jaebum snarls lowly and gets up himself dusting himself off, and Jinyoung stands back up too, straightening himself out.  
  
The rest of the class quickly lose interest and turn back to their own exercises. Jinyoung rolls out his shoulders and goes back into position with Jaebum. “What the hell are you made of anyway? It was like I flicked a rubber band…” He says close to Jinyoung’s ears as they link arms again.  
  
“It isn’t my fault you wanted to show off your strength,” Jinyoung lowly snaps back but Jaebum just laughs.  
  
“Please, if I wanted to show off my strength, you wouldn’t be happy at all.” Jaebum chuckles, and Jinyoung feels it vibrate through his back as he bends forwards and carries Jaebum a little, his weight fully on him.  
  
Jinyoung, for some reason, takes the opportunity to look to both sides and peak at Jaebum’s arms, exposed in his short sleeves, his eyes trace the skin. Just smooth, clear skin. He looks away quickly, and down at the grass.  
  
“Okay, here we go, ready this time string cheese?” Jaebum calls out but Jinyoung doesn’t respond, he just waits as Jaebum bends forward lifting Jinyoung back. He feels a string of clicks go up his spine and the muscles in his back stretch painfully. Jinyoung also feels the bones in Jaebum’s back, his shoulder blades digging into Jinyoung’s, the arches of their backs fitting together. Jinyoung dislikes the closeness.  
  
“You’re so light…” Jaebum whispers as if he didn’t meant to. He catches himself though and clears his throat. “Shouldn’t you build some muscle, anyone could break you in two.” Jaebum says quickly and settles Jinyoung back onto his feet.  
  
“I’m fine just like this,” Jinyoung remembers losing his breath after two flights of stairs and decides to reconsider. “At least I don’t put myself in situations where muscles are needed, like fights.”  
  
“Oh ha ha, what a jab,” Jaebum grumbles as Jinyoung bends forward, carrying Jaebum. “You’re a prick, you know that? Can’t believe everyone calls you an angel…”  
  
“They do?” Jinyoung nods pleasantly, satisfied with the results.  
  
“Not something you should be proud of,” Jinyoung could almost hear Jaebum’s eyes roll.  
  
“And why not?”  
  
“It’s not really...you.”  
  
Jinyoung thinks about it as he gets lift back, he stares at the sky. “It doesn’t matter, I’m only here for a year before we all part.”  
  
“That’s a shit way to think about things.”  
  
Jaebum ends the conversation there and the stretches too as the teacher claps to bring them all forward. The two of them let go of each other and Jinyoung furrows his eyebrows as he rubs into his shoulder. His back feels oddly cold, despite the jumper and the beating sun.  
  
“Miss me already pretty boy?” Jaebum mocks and it earns him a glare from Jinyoung, but he quickly shrugs off. He’s used to him already and Jinyoung doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Jinyoung’s lying on the coach, a bag of crisps on his chest and crumbs around his mouth as he dazedly watches tv. His mother is doing something in the background, cleaning maybe, but Jinyoung’s in too much in his own world to notice her for several hours. It isn’t until she comes to take the bag from him does he wake up and turn to her.  
  
“I’m eating that,” He says and his mother with her thin eyebrows lifts them questioningly.  
  
“It’s empty.” She flatly states and Jinyoung looks down into the bag and finds she’s right.  
  
“It’s empty.” He repeats, blinking.  
  
“You okay, honey?” His mother worriedly asks as she scrunches up the bag and continues sweeping up the floor from beside the sofa.  
  
“Yeah, I’m just not awake yet, I think.” He mumbles, sitting up.  
  
“It’s four in the afternoon boy, when are you going to wake up?” She says with a shake of her head and continues around the coffee table.  
  
His mother is wearing a tunic that exposes her neck and shoulders, and where just above her bra line you can see the tip of a black mark, very much like the one on Jinyoung’s arms. He stares at it for a long time before opening his mouth.  
  
“Mum…” Jinyoung calls out, and she replies with a simple ‘mmm?’ “That mark on your back, when did you get it?” He asks cautiously, he shouldn’t have asked in the first place but his curiosity gets the better of him. He hopes his mother won’t react badly.  
  
She looks over her shoulder as if she could get a look at it too, she seems to have forgotten about it, her eyes searching until it dawns on her. “Oh...the… _mark_ ,” She laughs awkwardly. “A long time ago, maybe when I was around seventeen? It happened when I went to the hospital, I think anyway, I was unconscious because I hit my head and when I woke up, it was already there.”  
  
“You never met them?” Jinyoung presses, his mother doesn’t seem uncomfortable about the question at least.  
  
“Well I did meet them, but I guess whoever touched me couldn’t stick around, I hear it burns when it happens which mean...it hadn’t meant much to them.” She mumbles the last part to herself before shaking her head and turning to him with a smile. “But well, it doesn’t matter now.”  
  
_Right, it shouldn’t matter, it means nothing,_ Jinyoung tries to comfort himself, but this nagging feeling keeps tugging at him so he asks another question.  
  
“Does it...appear in the same place for everyone? I mean in the pair, if it’s on your ar- on your leg, would it be on the other’s leg?” Jinyoung asks. A quick internet search would give him his answer but Jinyoung, for some reason or another, didn’t want to know anymore than the basics and yet here he is, making his mother suspicious.  
  
“Why are you asking?” She says, her eyebrows furrowed. “You’ve never asked before, have you-”  
  
“I’m just curious,” He quickly interjects, placing a nonchalant look on his face. His mother nods...and thinks for a moment.  
  
“I’m not sure, I wouldn’t think so, I’ve heard of people cutting their marks off and it appearing on other parts of their body so I’d think it could be anywhere,” She concludes and it’d make sense but it drives Jinyoung mad. He can never be sure now.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Every school finds it mandatory to have a lesson about _Markings_ as if it were sex ed. Things like you cannot trust everyone who matches with you, just because you may be ‘soulmates’ doesn’t mean they’re a good person, doesn’t mean they’re safe. They teach you that it doesn’t mean anything, that it shouldn’t because these marks don’t dictate your feelings.  
  
But they play with your mind, constantly play with your mind. Just like with Jinyoung’s father.  
  
An infuriatingly kind man with a giving heart and careful hands.  
  
Jinyoung’s parents weren’t ‘soulmates’, Jinyoung’s mother had never found hers despite her mark appearing. But Jinyoung’s father, at the age of forty, and married for nineteen years...his mark had finally burnt through to the surface.  
  
A marking like a cupid bow had appeared behind his left ear, and he had tried to hide it with a band-aid for as long as a he could but Jinyoung’s mother had finally noticed it one night, when it had fell.  
  
To say it didn’t ruin things straight away is right, but it was just the beginning. It was like finding out one of your parents had an affair, despite it being just _chance_ , his mother had exploded. Mostly because he tried to hide it, and Jinyoung’s father could do nothing but cower on the living room sofa.  
  
It was a woman, five years younger who had just moved to this small town on Jeju island, working as a librarian. Jinyoung’s father was an avid reader, anything he could grab his hands on, he would read. He wanted to be a writer once, but only so many dreams can be fulfilled.  
  
Apparently they had shook hands, and both violently flinched, his father grabbing the side of his head as his skin sizzled and the woman crying out as she clutched her stomach. The two revealed their marks to each other and Jinyoung’s father had never gone back...or so he said.  
  
They tried to move on. But things didn’t last long. Jinyoung’s mother was constantly on edge, for weeks she’d follow her husband to and from the bus stop, making sure he was going to work like he said he was. Would go through his calls, and question him on every single number she hadn’t recognized.  
  
Jinyoung who sat there, watching his parents fight, tear each other apart, his father, his kind father who had never raised his voice had begun to shout, like he was breathing, shout and shout and shout. And yet all Jinyoung could see was that cupid bow, all he could see was that black etching behind his father's ear telling him his parents were not meant together.  
  
It tore them apart, Jinyoung watched his parents drift so far apart, they didn’t sleep in the same room anymore. It was only a matter of time then, until Jinyoung who went to drop off some reference books for school, did he notice his father and the librarian talking one time. They didn’t touch, in fact they made every effort not to touch, simply smiling by being in each other’s presence.  
  
Jinyoung wanted to _puke_ , the sight made his stomach twist and turn and he wanted nothing but to rip those smiles off and tear them apart. His blood boiled in anger with his father who seeked comfort in another woman while his mother rocked back and forth in her bed tormented by paranoia, his father had given up and his mother was on the edge. And he was angry at himself for being able to do nothing but watch this mark, this one etching of a line ruin everything.  
  
In the end they filed for a divorce, and six months later they move to Seoul and for the one thing that tore his parents apart, he had wished it’d never happen to him. Jinyoung had sworn to himself that he’d never let something like a mark dictate his life. And yet...it was slowly but surely becoming a habit, to try and find those same three swirls and feel both relieved and saddened when he couldn't. But at most, and always, he felt...angry.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Jaebum was becoming more and more of a bigger presence in Jinyoung’s everyday life. An extremely berating and loud presence, including Jackson, it was like attending a circus everyday for a good six hours and Jinyoung had to learn how to turn the volume down. It was easy most days to block them out, they tended to argue or get excited over things by themselves.  
  
Today though, Jinyoung was more on edge than usual. Call it a bad case of waking up on the wrong side of the bed but Jinyoung couldn’t get rid of this jittery feeling since he had woken up this morning, woke up late of course. Not to mention the Marks on his arm, or the skin around them had been itching him all day as if trying to send a message through his nerves, they irritated him and he wanted nothing to do more than to claw the flesh off his arms.  
  
“Jinyoung,” Someone calls out but Jinyoung is too focused on clenching his fist. “Jinyoung!” Jaebum slams a palm to the cafeteria table and Jinyoung blinks up in shock.  
  
“Ah yeah...what is it?”  
  
Jaebum and Jackson look at him for a moment before Jaebum shakes his head. “We were asking if you liked football?”  
  
“Not really, no.” Jinyoung replies simply and shovels a spoon of rice into his mouth.  
  
Jaebum sneers at him, “Is there anything you do like?”  
  
“He likes swimming,” Jackson says unnecessarily.  
  
“Swimming?” Jaebum repeats. “Ah...fish boy, you said you lived in the sea when you first came didn’t you?”  
  
“I lived _by_ the sea, you just interrupted me,” Jinyoung says with a stab of his chopstick in Jaebum’s direction.  
  
Jaebum mockingly lifts his palms up, “What? You miss swimming with the fish, or were you a fisherman and caught them instead? Did you live on a boat or under the sea?” Jaebum found this all hilarious to himself, and Jackson just laughs along because it’s Jackson.  
  
“Thank you and goodbye,” Jinyoung says finally and lifts his tray to take it back. The two of them follow him anyway, Jaebum shoving him by the shoulder.  
  
“Aye I was just joking, what’s got your panties in a twist more than usual today?” He asks nonchalantly but it just annoys Jinyoung further because he doesn’t know.  
  
“Nothing,” Jinyoung sighs and shoves the tray away, briskly walking to the exit. Jackson and Jaebum exchange looks before jogging to catch up with him.  
  
“Everything okay?” Jackson asks lowly, his usual teasing tone gone.  
  
“Yeah, I’m fi-” Someone bumps harshly into Jinyoung’s shoulder, the kind of purposefully inflicted bump that called for attention. Jinyoung looks to his side at the group of boys that took a couple steps ahead.  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t see you there,” One of them scoffs, his tone not apologetic at all as he brushes off his own shoulder. Jinyoung licks his lips, trying to smile but really today of all days was the worst day to pick a fight with him. Jinyoung looks up to find Taehyun grinning wide as they lock eyes and Jinyoung does nothing but continue walking.  
  
“Aye, aye, Jinyoung ah~ where are you going so fast?” Taehyun calls out, his tone sweet and mocking.  
  
Jinyoung turns around then but it’s Jaebum who responds, “To take a piss, want to join?”  
  
Taehyun grimaces at that one.  
  
“Watch where you’re going, okay?” Jaebum warns softly, he hasn’t realised Taehyun was picking a fight. Honestly, Jinyoung wonders how intelligent Jaebum really is, to be this blind to situations like these.  
  
“What, you and Jackson are the prince’s bodyguards now? New kid still scared of Seoul life?” Taehyun taunts, shoving his hands in his pockets, one of his friends, Jimin, tugs at his arm to go but he ignores him.  
  
Jaebum furrows his eyebrows and takes a step forward finally noting the malice but Jackson quickly interjects. “Aye why are you guys being like this? We’re all classmates.”  
  
“No,” Taehyun shakes his head. “Classmates don’t go around flirting with all the girls in class, do they Jinyoung?”  
  
Jinyoung brushes a hand through his hair and sighs heavily, ready to walk away. “Bastard.” Taehyun mutters loud enough for them all to hear. Jaebum takes a step forward then but Jinyoung pushes past the two of them, patting Jaebum on the chest.  
  
“Taehyun,” Jinyoung smiles effortlessly. “You know I wouldn’t flirt with any girl, don’t you know? I’m gay.”  
  
There’s a silence that follows, thick and heavy and Taehyun can’t decide between a face full of shock or disgust. Then, Jinyoung snorts and bursts out laughing and they all awkwardly join in, except for Jaebum, who just stares at him hard.  
  
“I’m just joking,” Jinyoung chuckles. “Why did you all freeze?”  
  
“Oh yeah,” Jackson slides in. “Jinyoung already likes someone anyway Taehyun, he would never go for Lee Ha-yi, why are you getting so mad?” Taehyun’s friends agree, and he starts to look uncomfortable.  
  
“Whatever,” Taehyun mumbles and quickly swivels around. Jinyoung’s smile instantly drops and he turns around too, harshly brushing past Jackson and Jaebum before making his way to the bathroom. They call out to him but Jinyoung ignores them.  
  
His breath is heavy and cold sweat forms at his temples, he throws his blazer off and unbuttons his collar, undoing his tie, letting it flop onto his jacket. He goes to roll his sleeves up to the elbows and splashes cold water on his face. Jinyoung looks up at the mirror then, the tips of his hair wet and dripping, his eyes are dark too. His arm catches his attention then, the black swirls are stark against his pale skin, the blue light of the bathroom making him look sick.  
  
Which he probably was now that he thinks about it, his head was burning up and it was hard to swallow. His eyes had sunken in from the lack of sleep he was having, studying. But Jinyoung rarely gets ill, colds come and go but they don’t affect him that much. He decides not to take it so seriously until he blacks out.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
  
When Jinyoung wakes up again he’s met with the same sickly blue light, it hurts his eyes and makes its way to the back of his head, his insides throbbing. Jinyoung blinks for a while, staring at the methodically white ceiling and feels a little blank before the questions come rushing. Where was he?  
  
A Hospital, that much he can tell because there’s the distant sound of beeping, crying and wheels rolling on smooth floor. He wants to move his head but there’s a sharp ache in his neck that travels up the side of his head and he let’s out a muffled groan. Someone in the room jolts suddenly, their chair screeching as they get up and make their way to the bed.  
  
Jaebum enters his field of vision, and Jinyoung instinctively goes to his arms. He remembers rolling up his sleeves but when he goes to check them they’re down, silently covering his Markings.  
  
“You look like shit,” Jaebum says first and Jinyoung closes his eyes, wishing for unconsciousness to come tumbling back down on him. “Well, I mean you look a little better, you looked a whole lot shitter on that bathroom floor.”  
  
“Bathroom floor?” Jinyoung repeats, his throat is dry and the words barely come out a whisper. Jaebum realises this and goes to something on the bed side table and Jinyoung hears him pour a cup of water.  
  
“Yeah, you passed out, remember?” Jaebum explains, pressing a button on the bed so that the top half would fold upwards, elevating Jinyoung into a sitting position. “After that thing with Taehyun, you marched to the bathroom - here,” Jaebum hands him the cup. “Yeah, Jackson and I waited for you in the hallway but you were taking some time, then we heard a pretty little crack.” Jaebum says the words like he’s meant to be amused but he’s frowning, although Jinyoung’s too focused on downing the cup of water to care.  
  
“You and Jackson?” Jinyoung asks after taking a deep breath, the inside of his mouth was still a little dry but he felt like he could finally breathe.  
  
“Yeah, the school called the ambulance...and your parents, or just your mum,” Jaebum says clumsily, his lips twisting into a scowl.  
  
Jinyoung ignores it, “My mum? Shit, where is she?”  
  
“She’s at the cafeteria with Jackson, we’ve been here a while,” Jaebum says flopping into his chair after dragging it to the bedside.  
  
“How long?”  
  
Jaebum looks towards the clock, making Jinyoung aware of it and the sound of its hands ticking, ticking. “About nine hours?”  
  
“I’ve been out for nine hours?” Jinyoung sputters.  
  
This was agony. Not the pain biting at his neck, not the throbbing in his head, not his chapped lips or the heavy feeling in his chest, it was his mother. His mother worrying, unnecessarily, his mother getting more fidgety and paranoid than need be.  
  
Jaebum nods, “They said it was stress and lack of sleep but you just got a fever and you’ll be fine after a while.”  
  
Jinyoung’s eyebrows furrows and Jaebum finally seems to relax into his chair, Jinyoung not realising how tense he was this whole time. “At least you look a little better, scowl and all.”  
  
“I’m fine,” Jinyoung says bitterly and goes to grab the IV drip that was slipped into his left arm, the clean arm. “I can go home now.”  
  
Jaebum throws his hands at Jinyoung and stops him from ripping the needle out just. “Are you a doctor? No I don’t think so, don’t be stupid. Wait for them to come back.” Jaebum says over Jinyoung, he’s too low, too close and Jinyoung finds himself holding his breath as if the sound of his inconsistent heartbeat could slip past his lips.  
  
“Get off me,” He finally snaps and pushes Jaebum away. Jaebum, unphased, flops back into his seat.  
  
“So even Mr Perfect can fall?” Jaebum now seems amused, lighting the irritance in Jinyoung again.  
  
“I’m not perfect,” Jinyoung says lowly, brushing a frustrated hand through his hair. Jinyoung flinches at the movement, the muscles in his neck screaming at him to still.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Jaebum asks, an uncharacteristic hint of worry in his voice. “Is it your neck?” Jaebum’s hand goes to gently touch the nape of Jinyoung’s neck, his finger tips are cool against the burning, aching skin.  
  
The rooms door opens then and a middle aged man in a white coat walks in, his face lined with deepening wrinkles and white hair pricks at his jaw, a light stubble. He gives Jinyoung a polite smile when they meet eyes and makes his way to the bottom of his bed. “Good morning Mr Park,” He greets musically. Jinyoung not missing how pitch black outside it was, unamused, smiles back, and it hurts. “How are we doing? Had a good sleep?”  
  
“Perfect,” Jinyoung says lightly between his clenched jaw. “Thank you, I’m fine now.”  
  
“I think there’s something wrong with his neck, he can’t seem to move his head well,” Jaebum unnecessarily adds in and Jinyoung shoots him a glare, it falters though when he registers Jaebum’s face full of concern.  
  
The doctor nods and makes his way round, he presses two fingers to Jinyoung’s neck, watching him as he flinches in pain. He pinches the tip of Jinyoung’s chin then and twists his head left slightly and Jinyoung quickly replies with a squeak of pain. The doctor nods.  
  
“You seem to have hurt yourself when you hit the ground, you have a headache right?” He asks and Jinyoung reluctantly nods. “We can run you through an MRI but I think you just pulled a muscle probably, there isn’t a bump on your head so the fall mustn't have been too bad.”  
  
Jinyoung nods again, knowing nothing was going to let him get out of this small, white space any time soon. The doctor says he’ll schedule a scan and see him again in an hour, all the while Jaebum is biting his nails.  
  
“What’s wrong with you?” Jinyoung asks Jaebum, but he sounds like he’s accusing him of something. He’s not sure what it is about Jaebum’s presence that always makes him so annoyed and jittery, ready to tear him up with his words.  
  
Jaebum gives him a look, a frown and looks away, “I just don’t like hospitals.”  
  
“Then why are you here?” Jinyoung finally asks, the question had been at the tip of his tongue the whole time. Sure Jaebum, Jackson and Jinyoung hung out at school when they were free but that was it, there was no closeness, no real friendship, Jinyoung just saw him as another eyesore.  
  
Jaebum looks up, angry almost, and is about to say something before the room door opens again, revealing his mother. She looks oddly calm. Her hair brushed up neatly into a bun and her white tunic top softly tucked into a long brown skirt, she wears a knitted beige jumper to keep warm.  
  
“Oh, so you’re awake?” She chimes as she walks in with two sandwiches. Jackson follows in quickly afterwards, crisps and water stacked in his arms. “How you feeling?” Jinyoung’s mother asks in her usual soft tone. Jinyoung watches his mother place the two sandwiches on the table at the other side of the room, her hands were shaking.  
  
“I’m fine mum,” Jinyoung replies lowly, his head hanging, as if he were scolded.  
  
“You gave me a fu- I mean, a friggin’ fright you did,” Jackson bursts out and jumps onto the bottom of the bed, letting the water bottles roll out by Jinyoung’s feet. Jinyoung quickly grabs one and wrenches it open, chugging on the contents.  
  
“Damn, you could have told me you were still thirsty,” Jaebum says from the side. Jinyoung doesn’t respond and watches his mother stand at the foot of the bed, a tight smile on her face.  
  
“The doctor says he’s going to arrange a scan and if everything is okay, we can go home,” She tells him and with Jaebum and Jackson having their backs to her, Jinyoung can read her eyes better now, she is scared.  
  
“I feel better anyway, I just needed some sleep,” Jinyoung tries to reassure her but it doesn’t release the tension in her shoulders.  
  
“Then sleep, what’s keeping you up?” Jaebum persists.  
  
Jinyoung wants to say _everything_ but he just says, “Studying.”  
  
“Dropping to second place really isn’t on my agenda pretty boy sorry,” Jaebum shrugs and Jinyoung scowls, he hates how Jaebum makes it sound like it wasn’t possible for Jinyoung to overtake him.  
  
“Oh my you’re first in class Jaebum?” Mrs Park asks with slight interest, making Jinyoung uncomfortable. Jaebum awkwardly nods. “Then what are you doing getting into fights boy?”  
  
Jackson bursts out laughing, “If only you knew half of it Mrs Park.” Jinyoung’s mother furrows her eyebrow, Jackson had gotten too comfortable as he does and said something he shouldn’t have. But if Jinyoung’s mother was bothered by it, she doesn’t show it for long.  
  
“You guys should go home,” Jinyoung finally says, he’d been waiting for them to realise it for a while. “It’s late.” The three of them look at the clock and nod in agreement, Jaebum and Jackson although not looking willing to just leave. “Just go, I’m fine.”  
  
“Will you be in school Monday?” Jaebum asks and Jinyoung nods, hoping he won’t mention the punishment. And he doesn’t, Jackson and him just make a little more passing jokes and Jinyoung forces himself to laugh with them until they leave, and then in the painfully white, blinding room Jinyoung is left with his guilt and his mother’s frown.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
They took a taxi home. The last bus had left over an hour ago to Jinyoung’s dismay but it was better than staying in the hospital overnight. His mother could barely afford the hospital bill as it was, and getting a taxi home was enough guilt to layer on top of it all.  
  
_Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ Jinyoung had chanted to himself since he woke up. How could his mind give up on him so easily, it had refused to even let him get through the school day. A rest in bed could have helped him recover enough, but even then his mother would have worried. If he hadn’t come down to eat, or heard him go toilet, she would have worried and if she had found him sleeping so early, she would have worried and she would have called an ambulance.  
  
Jinyoung’s mother suffers from combined symptoms of paranoia, anxiety and depression, she had grown up with it, according to what she told the doctor she didn’t realise it was a problem until she became a problem. Although the incident with his father wasn’t essentially a trigger, it had made his mother worse. And although she was incredible at hiding it, hiding her thoughts like insects skittering and nibbling at her brain, there were times when it would become too much, that they would slip through the flicker of her eyes, through her shaking fingers or her tense shoulders.  
  
“What’s wrong Jinyoung?” His mother quietly asks when they enter their living room and she places her keys and bag onto the kitchen island. She wraps her arms around her chest protectively and chews at her fingernails, like Jaebum did.  
  
“Nothing is wrong mum, I’m fine,” Jinyoung persists, standing still in the frame of the living room door, he wants nothing more than to bolt and run upstairs to his room, to seclusion and safety. He had felt enough exposure today.  
  
“Nothing is wrong?” She sighs and rubs at her temples, keeping her thin back towards Jinyoung. “Then why aren’t you sleeping? What’s wrong? Have you gotten into trouble?” She turns then, swivels hard on her heels and Jinyoung could almost see the roads she’s mapped out in her head, the conclusions, the wild imagination forming and twisting and making up ends to a start that had no correlation to reality.  
  
Jinyoung steps in quickly, his voice calm and monotone, “Nothing is wrong, and I am in no trouble. I told you I was just studying,” He wasn’t lying, totally. “You know Im Jaebum? The boy at the hospital, he’s the top of the class and it’s been two months and I haven’t overtaken him yet, it’s just getting frustrating.” He says honestly, unnaturally, and although his mother's shoulders have relaxed, her face still doesn’t look convinced.  
  
“And anyway it’s only been two months since we’ve come here, I feel a little homesick, and stressed, mum. Seriously, that’s all.” He quickly adds, again, not entirely a lie, not entirely the truth but enough to make his mother believe him and not worry so much.  
  
She stands, unblinking for a moment before sighing and nodding. Jinyoung relaxes ever so slightly and edges out of the door but she speaks again. “You know grades don’t mean anything to me, right Jinyoung?”  
  
Jinyoung nods, he knows.  
  
“Being second...it’s not a bad place, in fact only every mother out there could wish to have their son so smart,” She tries to sound reassuring but it doesn’t help, Jinyoung can’t get rid of the frustration that comes from seeing Jaebum’s name constantly above his. “Go to bed, I’ll make all your favourite meals this weekend and you can go back to school on Monday refreshed, okay?”  
  
Jinyoung nods, and nods, and nods again and when she finally releases her gaze, he tries ever so hard not to fly up the stairs and slam the door. Instead, he takes slow and careful steps and enters his room with a soft click from behind before lying in bed. He settles into the pillow, ignores the ache in his neck, and revels in the softness and comfort. Jinyoung thinks he’s going to cry for a moment but the tears don’t come, and the darkness does.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
When Jaebum and Jinyoung are alone they don’t get along as well as they do when Jackson is around. The space between them is constantly filled with papers, discarded staples, and stiffness. Sometime’s there’s the soft rhythm of Jaebum’s foot tapping the carpet floor.  
  
Today however, is different from most days, today Jaebum hasn’t stopped glancing in Jinyoung’s direction. His eyes constantly flickering from the papers he seems to be stabbing roughly together. Eventually, and honestly, only fifteen minutes in, Jinyoung is fed up and huffs when he looks up. Jaebum quickly looks down, humming.  
  
“Why are you staring at me?” Jinyoung asks, accusing and Jaebum looks up once, twice and then settles the papers down to playfully place his chin into his hand.  
  
“I was just wondering if you’re going to drop again,” Jaebum grins, menacing and mischievous.  
  
Jinyoung grins too, although cocky and a little fed up. “Why? Are you going to catch me?”  
  
Jaebum’s grin drops, “Gross. You said that way too quick.”  
  
“And you’re way too annoying, can’t you just keep to yourself for one hour?”  
  
Jaebum thinks about it for a while, and Jinyoung can’t tell if the tilt of his head was in mockery or not. “No.” He finally answers and Jinyoung huffs out loud and heavy. “Why should I anyway? When there’s a perfectly breathing human right in front of me.”  
  
It’s Jinyoung’s turn to drop the papers, as he settles a hand onto his chest and blinks rapidly. “Aw...you think I’m perfect?” He mocks.  
  
Jaebum bares his teeth, “I think you’re a perfect prick.”  
  
“Thanks,” Jinyoung chuckles and goes back to stapling together mock tests for the first years. He looks at the questions and only silently wishes for it to be this easy too. Third year work was a constant pressure weighing down on Jinyoung’s neck, threatening to snap it at any moment. A question pops into Jinyoung’s head then, and he looks up at Jaebum wondering if it’s okay to ask. He does anyway. “How are you always first?”  
  
Jaebum looks up blank, then registers the question for a moment and shrugs. “I’m a genius.”  
  
Jinyoung rolls his eyes, “Seriously.”  
  
“I’m not entirely sure if I should feel offended or not that you don’t believe me,” Jaebum says with a shake of his head and then goes to tap the table with his index finger. “How else, stupid? I study.” He says flatly.  
  
Jinyoung opens his mouth, but then closes it again. He doesn’t really believe him. It doesn’t really make sense, the system doesn’t work for people like that, a combination of delinquent and academic. Jaebum doesn’t fit. “Why?” Slips from Jinyoung’s mouth.  
  
“Why what?” Jaebum shoots back.  
  
“Why do you need to be first?” Jinyoung asks because he knows that if Jaebum doesn’t really cheat and isn’t a genius, he must work hard, really hard, and that doesn’t suit him or doesn’t add up in Jinyoung’s brain and he’s just trying to make sense of it.  
  
Jaebum thinks about it for a moment, instead of lifting his head this time, he looks down like he doesn’t want to say it, but he does. “My parents want me to go to university, and we can’t afford it so I need a scholarship, and therefore I need firsts in every class all year. Sorry pretty boy.” He ends with a blasted smile.  
  
Jinyoung doesn't really know how to respond. He couldn’t tell if the Jaebum he had created in his head was makeshift, a fake, not real, or he just didn’t know him. It doesn’t really make sense. The sincerity that seemed to spill from him in that short moment, Jinyoung can’t seem to knit it together with the rough and rude Jaebum he was used to. Then again, it wasn’t like he had never seen it spill before, he’s seen Jaebum worry over him, worry over someone he doesn’t like. Maybe it’s all a cover, like Jinyoung, or maybe Jaebum is just honest, unlike Jinyoung.  
  
Jinyoung feels his whole body tensing, and his fist aches from clenching it in a ball so hard. Jaebum carries on with his work while Jinyoung’s brain ticks and creaks like clogs that don’t fit together, and eventually he just let’s them go, pushing them aside into the junk yard in his head where he leaves the things he doesn’t like, doesn’t understand. Where he left his father and where he temporarily leaves Jaebum.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
  
There are myths about the Markings. More than just soulmates, some people believe they’re a link, of lovers and families from past lives coming to haunt the living. Some believers say that if you meet your pair, then you have unfinished business and that if you don’t, then you had left the last life in peace.  
  
Jinyoung thinks it's bullshit, the whole lot. Whether it was true or not, he obviously can’t prove, but he hates the basic idea of it. He doesn’t understand why the dead had to affect its descendents in a never ending cycle of questionable fate and charcoal marks that could ruin the foundation a person was standing on.  
  
That was just one of many theories Jinyoung furiously disagrees with.  
  
Scientists state that the markings don’t go too deep, like a tattoo it just penetrates the layers of the skin. It seems almost superficial, Jinyoung had thought it run deep, through his tissues and muscles and into his bones. He felt like it did. Three black swirls that seemed to clamp into his arm like a metal pole in the pavement ground. It feels heavy and burdensome, but Jinyoung knows no matter how much he scratches and claws at it, it’ll heal, and he knows if he just cuts it out there and then, it’d just appear somewhere else. Like a disease that doesn’t spread it clings to him, numbing him and engulfing him, crawling and gnawing into his brain, making him sick, sick of himself and whatever poor soul that was linked to him.  
  
Sometimes Jinyoung thinks he can feel them, close by, like a faint distant humming. But Jinyoung knows it’s just him thinking too much, him wanting them to be close because the curiosity is deadly, it slams into him every day when he sees the bare skin of someone’s arm. Even though he knows that’s no way to confirm, he sometimes feels a sinking feeling, what if he were to never find them? Was he going to become like his mother?  
  
Hot guilt bursts in his chest at the thought, but he can’t lie to himself, he did not want to end up like his mother. They were so alike as it was that it scared him. Everything from her thin eyes to the way she held a pen mirrored in Jinyoung and although it had never bothered him before, the worry was beginning to grow and twist up into his throat and into his head. _Maybe this too, is how she lost pieces of her-_ he stops there, fearful of his own thoughts running rampant. He could not and would not become like his mother, and maybe that’s why it’s become like an itching habit to search for those same markings on anyone, on everyone.  
  
He’d thought failing tens of times a day, searching people feverishly, would weaken him eventually, make him lose hope and force him to give up. But it hasn’t, infuriatingly, the urge just grew with every damn ticking of that clock that resonates in the classroom, echoing in Jinyoung’s head every second of every day like he was carrying it on his back.  
  
He felt like he was running out of time, even though he had all the time in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
One of the self study lessons today were switched for a lesson on Markings. Jinyoung wasn’t nervous until the teacher had started putting up a powerpoint, showing different symbols on various different people as examples. His eyes were glued, tracing the charcoal marks, they twisted in different shapes; one was like an arrow with only half a tip, another was zig zagged across a person’s wrist like a permanent bracelet.  
  
There’s always been a history of them, all across the world; the burning, then the marks. In medieval England it was believed to be the marks of witches, it was one of many excuses for people to use at the witch hunts. In West Africa the markings were something to be proud of, they were considered to be medals at the time, and shown off. In China it had been made into a tradition since the Qin dynasty that the emperor would meet every girl in the kingdom to find his match, whether peasant or not, she would have become his wife. They had believed the royal blood was to be purer when a child was born from a Marked pair.  
  
Jinyoung remembers maybe in his first year in high school, back on Jeju, a story about one of the emperors, who had matched with a man, a measly guard. They had met in the corridor, and people reported that the guard had clumsily bumped into the emperor as he bowed, the two then toppled over as a burning sensation struck them. That guard had been immediately taken away and no one had reported seeing him since, the emperor had apparently then married his _true_ Marked one. Reports say people begun to disappear one by one then, the ones who had witnessed the Emperor and the guard meet, and eventually it became a secret, buried for hundreds of years.  
  
Jinyoung wonders what would happen if his Marked pair was the same gender, it didn’t really bother him, but he’d know it’d bother others. Although Markings made people more akin to the idea of same sex relationships, most people believe it should only be kept at close friends. The kind of relationship where you’d help each other out, do anything for each other, even die for each other but never love. Never fall in love. It was backwards and hypocritical but really it didn’t matter to Jinyoung, considering there wasn’t going to be a chance of meeting his anyway.  
  
Jinyoung’s brought out of his daze at the flicker of the powerpoint slide. “Death” is written in small at the corner of the powerpoint as if to make its point but not too much to harm. Jinyoung hadn’t thought about it. What would happen if one of them died?  
  
“Reports have shown that when one person in a pair dies, the markings do change,” Their teacher says, his town monotone as if he’s read this a thousand times. “Although it’s different for everyone, some report theirs seem a little faded, some have seen it vanish and others report a strange change in colour. Some scientists claim it’s the Marking’s making sense of where its pair has gone, it reacts like humans’ moods. The relationship within the pair also seems to have some effects.”  
  
Jinyoung let his palm settle on top of his arm, where beneath three layers of clothes, his Marking seemed to hum. It was that same humming Jinyoung believes to be when he’s close to them but he can never be sure it was always like an antenna radio fizzing on and off, trying to find the signal.  
  
The teacher then peers over the class and has that look in his eyes that makes Jinyoung stiffen. “So are there anyone in this class who has seen their Marking surface?” The teacher asks, and his eyes land on Jinyoung, but they move away fast and Jinyoung let’s out a tight breath.  
  
Several people put their hands up, about nine in the classroom of twenty. Some people weren’t a surprise, there were a few however Jinyoung wasn’t aware of, like Seungjun. All the girls in the room turn to look at him and whispers start bubbling in the air. Seungjun was good looking, incredibly good looking, even Jinyoung has a hard time focusing when he talks. It sounds ridiculous to say that he looks like someone carved out by gods but Jinyoung wouldn’t call it an understatement, he was even a giant in the making, the tallest in the whole school.  
  
A lot of people were going to make a big fuss and that means a lot more people looking out for others with Markings and the thought made Jinyoung feel dizzy.  
  
“Okay, okay settle down class,” Mr Kim sighs. “Seungjun, you don’t mind showing your Marking, do you? Don’t worry if you’re uncomfortable.” Seungjun, of course, shakes his head and pleasantly starts unbuttoning his top. People shuffle around him to catch a look, and then they still. It nestles just above his collarbone, a lopsided L, or better yet a triangle missing one side.  
  
“And have you met your match?” The teacher presses on.  
  
Seungjun’s eyes flicker for a moment, and only Jinyoung notices because it’s in his direction but he’s not looking at him, he’s looking at the person in front. A girl, Jinyoung’s racks his brain for a name, the only person in class that isn’t looking in Seungjun’s direction, that isn’t paying attention at all, is staring out the window. Seungjun looks back at the teacher and says, “Yes, but it seems like they’re not happy with me.”  
  
Half the class go up in roars, some screaming for a name, others laughing and hooting. Jinyoung settles back in his seat, his arm itching. From the corner of his eye he see’s Jackson look over his shoulder towards him but he doesn’t mind and turns his attention outside. From the window reflection, he also see’s Jaebum on the other side of the classroom, looking in his direction. He turns his head quickly then, but the two of them are already looking away, and something in Jinyoung’s stomach tightens.  
  
“Everyone back in your seats now,” The teacher shouts, and everyone does so immediately, the whispers coming to a halt. “It must be exciting right? But we’ve had this talk before, not everyone who matches with you is someone you can trust. You have to get to know them just as much as you have to get to know everyone else.”  
  
_The Markings mean nothing_ echoes in Jinyoung’s head, and he decides to take some comfort in it. The Markings were only what we made them, what significance we gave them. Soulmates was just a popular belief because over time it brought people together, and a lot of married couples nowadays share it. Then Jinyoung remembers what Mr Kim said about the Marking’s reacting to losing its other and holds his breath. _So they’re living?_  
  
The thoughts swirl in his head, and he has to shut his eyes for a brief moment to get ahold of himself. Jinyoung was losing himself in the form of three tiny swirls that should mean nothing, but slowly becoming everything.  
  
When the lesson finally ends, Jinyoung jumps out of his seat and dashes quickly for the exit. Jaebum, who sits right next to it however, quickly grabs him by the arm and pulls him back. Jinyoung looks down at where Jaebum is grabbing, his fingers digging into his blazer, just above his Marks. Jinyoung quickly snatches his arm away and holds his elbow protectively.  
  
“What is it?” Jinyoung asks through his teeth.  
  
Jaebum straightens up and inspects him, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”  
  
Jinyoung squeezes his eyes shut and breathes through his nose. “I’m fine, just going to the bathroom.”  
  
“You’re not going to drop again, are you?” Jaebum asks worried, and Jinyoung looks up at him to find that he’s genuinely asking. Jinyoung isn’t sure how to process it but he answers honestly, oddly enough.  
  
“I’m fine, seriously, just need to wash my face,” Jinyoung replies firmly and Jaebum gives a little nod. The word _cute_ runs through Jinyoung’s mind and he has to mentally slap himself before his face falters.  
  
Jaebum lets him go finally and Jinyoung makes a dash for the bathroom.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Jinyoung comes back to the small room to find Jaebum face flat into the table and the sunset coating his back in a hew of orange and red.  
  
Jaebum was ugly, Jinyoung concludes quickly, he looks constantly angry and those two beauty spots above his eyes are unnecessary. Jinyoung nods to himself as he goes to take his seat, where several logs are waiting to be filed.  
  
Just before Jinyoung settles down though, he hears someone slapping their shoes against the floor of the hallway outside, the humming belonging to Jackson. He flies to the door as fast and as quiet as he can, sliding the door open delicately before tackling Jackson down a couple of steps away.  
  
“Ji-” Jackson tries to call out in his usually infuriatingly loud voice but Jinyoung quickly clamps his mouth shut.  
  
“Shut up,” Jinyoung whispers. “Jaebum’s sleeping.” He nods towards the room with the open door. Jackson’s eyes flicker back and forth before giving Jinyoung an understanding nod.  
  
“Don’t want to wake him up? Don’t you guys have work?” Jackson says in hushed tones.  
  
“Of course we do but I’d rather do them alone then hear him talk for the next hour. What are you doing here?”  
  
“Went to the bathroom, just came to greet you guys.” He says greet with a cheeky grin and Jinyoung knows it translates to _take the piss_.  
  
“Go away,” Jinyoung snaps lowly but Jackson just pouts.  
  
“I bet you guys are having fun without me,” He childishly kicks his leg in the air and Jinyoung wonders what the implications would be if he just gave in now and kicked Jackson in the stomach.  
  
“Shut up and go back to class,” Jinyoung sighs, proud that he had held back so well.  
  
“Wait, how are you feeling?” Jackson quickly asks before Jinyoung steps back into the room.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Are you okay? You looked pretty out of it in class today,” Jackson suddenly asks, serious.  
  
Jinyoung eyes him. “Are you and Jaebum watching me or something?”  
  
“Well, you did pass out last week, I think it’s safe to be worried,” Jackson shrugs.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“What do you mean why?”  
  
“Why do you guys care?” Jinyoung asks as if the question was obvious but Jackson looks blank.  
  
“Because we’re friends, and friends care?” Jackson replies, unsure, and Jinyoung replies with a frown.  
  
“Did my mother ask you guys to keep an eye out?”  
  
“No, of course not, what’s wrong with you?” Jackson asks, his eyebrows pressed together, his expression a mix of confused and mildly hurt.  
  
“He's clearly oblivious to nurturing human emotions”, Jinyoung hears Jaebum say from behind and looks over his shoulder to find Jaebum in the door frame yawning then he adds “I’m not entirely sure if he’s aware of the prospect of friendship.”  
  
“Oh, because you’re my friend too?” Jinyoung mockingly questions and Jaebum’s nonchalant face drops. Jinyoung feels oddly satisfied.  
  
“Jinyoung don’t be like that. Jaebum carried you on his back all the way to the infirmary when you fainted,” Jackson reveals and Jinyoung feels a flush of embarrassment redden his cheeks. This conversation had taken a turn for the worst, and it was not agreeing with Jinyoung, he had to quickly give in and apologize, after all these two were just another means at blending in with the crowd. A person with no friends stands out more than a person with a few friends.  
  
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Jinyoung smiles and pats Jackson comfortingly. “I guess I’m just a bit wary is all, new environment, new school and stuff. It takes a while.” He says smoothly, and Jackson nods, his own smile appearing and Jinyoung can’t explain how relieved he is to see it.  
  
“I get it,” Jackson says, most likely because he does get it. “I’ll leave you guys now, okay? Mrs Park is going to throw a fit if I’m any later.” He waves the two of them away and Jinyoung lets the grimace appear on his face slowly.  
  
He swivels around, and pushes into the room, knowing Jaebum’s eyes are on him the whole time.  
  
“You don’t have to be like that you know,” Jaebum starts as he shuts the door and goes to take a seat in front of Jinyoung.  
  
“Be like what?” Jinyoung replies, his tone flat.  
  
“So on guard, you’re always moving like something is going to hurt you,” Jaebum grabs a bunch of papers and starts organizing them with Jinyoung, they move in sync almost. “I’ve never seen you relaxe- oh no, I guess I have.”  
  
Jinyoung levels a glare up at Jaebum, “Why do you care?” He echoes the question and Jaebum looks at him sharply. “What does it matter to you whether I drop, whether I’m on guard, whether people see me for who I am. Why?”  
  
Jaebum clenches his jaw, he’s uncomfortable, exactly how Jinyoung wants him. And Jinyoung wishes he could keep up the hard stare he has going but it drops too quick, something in Jaebum’s eyes has made him swallow down his breath and hold it there.  
  
“I thought you didn’t like me,” Jinyoung pushes, but his harsh tone is gone and nothing but a pathetic squeak slips his lips.  
  
“I don’t.” Jaebum replies quickly, and Jinyoung flinches. “I don’t think so anyway. I’d like to say you’re a prick but you always...do something or say something that makes me confused.”  
  
Jinyoung doesn’t know how to respond because Jaebum was exactly the same to him, a confusion, someone that didn’t add up.  
  
“So I decided I’m going to stick to you till I figure you out,” Jaebum announces with finality.  
  
“Sounds like the beginning to a great romance.” Jinyoung snorts, and feels uncomfortable right after he says it.  
  
He worries that Jaebum won’t respond but he does eventually with a scoff, “You wish.”

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Hobbies, Jinyoung doesn’t have a lot of them. He spends most of his time on the internet surfing wikipedia, one moment he could be searching for the definition of abysmal, another fifty tabs later he knows the size of a Neanderthals head and why we have wisdom teeth. He even takes some time out of his day to search up cooking videos and different fusion recipes he and his mum might try out. After leaving their father, they soon came to realise their tastes in food were extremely different, and that they both had accommodated themselves too much to keeping a peace that was too easily broken anyway.  
  
So, really, when Jackson and Jaebum spend the next week asking him about what he _likes_ to do all he can really respond with is a series of ‘I don’t know’ in all variations of tones from fed up to annoyed. They keep pushing though, they ask him if he likes sports, no, art, no, music, no, and Jackson even tries to convince Jinyoung that he _must_ like coin collecting, everyone likes those. Jinyoung never responded.  
  
Then, one peaceful Saturday morning, Jinyoung is awoken by the unfamiliar sound of the doorbell and a clutter of voices he tries to make out but he’s too sleepy, his eyes fluttering into blissful darkness quickly. Then his bedroom door swings open and the next thing he knows, he’s being pummeled down by a weight so heavy he thinks for a moment, that’s it, this his end. His end was going to be Jackson Wang.  
  
“Rise and shine my love,” Jackson sings, his elbow digging into Jinyoung’s stomach. “It’s a beautiful day to go out.”  
  
Jinyoung kicks him, with all the force he could muster he kicks Jackson so hard he flies for a moment before landing onto his bedroom floor with a heavy thump. “Mother fu-” Jackson cries out and Jinyoung quickly gets up, gasping heavily.  
  
His eyes immediately meet with Jaebum’s, who is standing by his desk, he thinks he was looking at the board hanging on the wall for a moment. It’s got stuff pinned to it, like a polaroid of him and his mother, some large leaves he took on his last day from Jeju and the plain ticket he used to get to Seoul. Jinyoung blinks furiously, startled and a little embarrassed. Jaebum grins.  
  
“You got the worst bed hair I’ve ever seen in my life,” Jaebum remarks from behind his hand, and Jinyoung quickly brushes his fingers through his hair, tucking away the strands that were aiming for the skies.  
  
“Did you have to kick me!?” Jackson squawks from the floor, his checkered shirt now above his head. He huffs and neatens himself out, Jinyoung watching him with a thin glare.  
  
“What are you guys doing here?” Jinyoung asks, they’re the first words that come out of his mouth and he licks his lips, his throat dry and his voice thick.  
  
“Jackson had a great idea,” Jaebum says and takes out the desk chair to sit on it. “Since there was no mutual interests, and you’d avoid leaving your house on the weekend, we barge in and drag you out.”  
  
“Get out.” Jinyoung states and throws himself under his duvet.  
  
“Now, now we were prepared for this too,” Jackson sniggers and throws the duvet away, exposing Jinyoung in his entirety. He’s wearing a long sleeved jumper and boxer shorts, the two of them stare at him for a moment.  
  
“What kind of combo is that?” Jaebum asks with a tilt of his head and Jinyoung quickly dives for the covers again. “Why are you wearing a jumper when it’s boiling outside and inside?”  
  
“And that’s why I’m not wearing anything at the bottom,” Jinyoung replies and topples off the end of his bed, crawling quickly for his closet. The only long sleeved pieces he could wear to his bed were his jumpers, he didn’t know when his mother might waltz into his room or if half asleep in the morning she’d catch him on the way to the bathroom, he just doesn’t risk it.  
  
“The more I get to know you, the weirder you become,” Jackson ironically says from the side.  
  
Jinyoung looks over his shoulder and purses his lips, “Are you guys not leaving? I need to get changed?”  
  
“What? So you’re coming with us?”  
  
“No- I mean yeah okay just get out of my room already,” Jinyoung hisses and the two of them give each other a satisfied look before Jackson drags Jaebum out the room saying something about his mother's cake.  
  
Jinyoung stands in front of his closet for a moment before bending down onto his knees, he huddles into a ball underneath his duvet and takes a deep breath. He could feel the blood rushing in his head and his nerves were tingling. The image of Jaebum in front of his desk, looking at him keeps running in his mind and he bites the back of his hand to return back to reality.  
  
Jinyoung puts on anything that matches, which means black on black on really dark grey and begrudgingly makes his way downstairs. He hears laughter, or Jackson choking, Jinyoung can’t really tell the difference. When Jinyoung enters the living room then he see’s his mother, Jinyoung and Jaebum on the sofas around the coffee table having tea and cake.  
  
“When did we get cake?”  
  
His mother looks up and swallows her mouthful, “Yesterday.”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
  
“Well, you know now.” She smiles.  
  
“Sit, eat cake,” Jaebum nods to the space next to him and Jinyoung watches him for a moment. He sat so comfortably now when he was so stiff the last time, he even seems to suit the beige sofas a little more prettily now.  
  
“I’m so glad you boys came, you know I thought Jinyoung was having trouble with friends at school, but seeing you boys again have eased my worries,” His mother admits and Jinyoung chews slowly on his bit of cake, he finds it hard to swallow, the embarrassment clogging in his throat.  
  
“Really? Jinyoung is so popular in school!” Jackson says loudly after chugging down a large cup of orange juice. Also something Jinyoung didn’t know they had. “He gets a lot of confessions and all the guys want to be friends with him.”  
  
Jinyoung’s mother looks at him with a peculiar gaze Jinyoung makes every effort to avoid, suddenly the cake tasting bland. Jaebum’s watching him closely but Jinyoung can’t snap at him to stop, not in front of his mother.  
  
“Isn’t it about time we leave?” Jinyoung presses, looking to Jackson but Jackson is still going off.  
  
His mother notices instead and gives the three of them a smile, “Why don’t you guys go off now? The weather is beautiful.” She says finally.  
  
“What are you going to be doing?” Jinyoung asks her as Jackson and Jaebum head to the front door, slipping on their shoes.  
  
“I’ve got a dresses to resize today, the bride got pregnant so she’ll have a bump by the time she has her wedding,” His mother sighs but there’s a glow in her cheeks that says she’s not awfully upset about the new predicament. “Don’t be too late ok, and have fun.”  
  
Jinyoung nods and leaves before Jaebum and Jackson who can’t seem to finish saying bye to his mother. He walks ahead and feels the humid air instantly. His skin itches for him to take off his over shirt but he was already risking it, having the sleeves rolled up just up until his elbow. Jinyoung wonders if he can just turn back then, his bed was so close but so far.  
  
“Why do you look like you’re ready to go to a funeral?” Jaebum mocks as the three of them make their way down the street towards the bus stop.  
  
“Is there a minute in your day where you don’t see me and need to make fun of me?” Jinyoung groans, but seriously wonders what made him think wearing all black in this weather was a good idea.  
  
“Nope,” Jaebum retorts and skips ahead to the bus stop, just at the end of the road.  
  
“I hate him,” Jinyoung mumbles under his breath.  
  
“Didn’t think you were capable of that word,” Jackson laughs from the side. “You’re always so indifferent.”  
  
Jackson says it lightly but Jinyoung reads between the lines, he really did put too much energy into Jaebum.  
  
The bus is packed, people huddle and twist into each other, couples sit on each others laps and everyone groans in sync as the bus sharply turns a corner. Jinyoung sits in the far corner of the bus, Jaebum pressed tightly to his side hums as if he couldn’t feel the humid air clinging to their skins and the sun bursting through the windows.  
  
“Can you move a little?” Jinyoung hisses to him, trying to shuffle but really there was no space to move to unless it meant climbing out the open window.  
  
“Does it look like I can Mr Jinyoung?” Jaebum sarcastically retorts and nods towards the five other people squeezing on seats made for four. Jinyoung bites his lip and huffs, pressing his face against the glass in hope for a brief moment of coolness but it’s grossly warm.  
  
Jackson is standing up in the middle of the bus, his head dancing with whatever music that was blasting off in his earphones. Jinyoung huffs and throws his head back, the vibrations of the bus travel through his neck, his adam's apple bobbing in time with the bumps on the road. “Where are we going anyway?” He asks.  
  
“Shopping.”  
  
Jinyoung grimaces and turns to face Jaebum, their faces are close and Jaebum doesn’t make an effort to shift away. “Why?” Jinyoung asks lowly, looking down unnaturally.  
  
“Jackson wants new sneakers,” Jaebum replies back after a fraction of a moment, and Jinyoung could be going mad but he almost feels Jaebum relax into him, their hands inches apart on their thighs.  
  
Jinyoung looks towards the window, “This was you guys idea of a fun time out? Shopping?”  
  
Jaebum shrugs, and Jinyoung can feel every tiny movement in his arms and shoulder as he does it. He doesn’t like how his nerves get all tingly and itchy and Jinyoung moves to cross his arms across his chest as if it’d make space between them but Jaebum seems to just stubbornly lean in closer. Jinyoung looks to the side and takes a deep breath.  
  
“We’re here come on,” Jaebum says quickly and Jinyoung doesn’t have enough time to register what he says before he feels Jaebum grabs his arm and drags him past people, they huff around them and Jaebum gives Jackson a quick slap on the head before they all hop off the bus.  
  
Jinyoung feels like he can finally breathe and he doesn’t realise Jaebum is still holding onto his wrist until he speaks, “Okay, it’s just a five minute walk from here.” Jinyoung slowly slithers his way out of Jaebum’s grasp and it seems to surprise him, he looks down at his hand as if he had forgotten he was holding Jinyoung’s. He moves quickly then, brushing past Jackson and towards the incredibly large building.  
  
The next couple of hours consistent of Jackson’s indecisiveness, Jaebum complaining at his indecisiveness and Jinyoung diverting from the two and getting lost in the process. He’s at a corner of the mall where the stores are more unique and probably privately owned, none of the names ringing out familiarly. A surf shop catches his attention, he thinks it’s funny enough considering how far they are from the sea and how Korea’s coast aren’t known for it’s waves.  
  
When he steps inside though he can tell it’s a little more than just that. The surf boards at front are made of wood with designs carved into their backs, they, of course, wouldn’t work in the sea but it seems they were meant for decoration anyway. The shop is small and cluttered with sea glass hanging from the ceiling, they reflect the light and break it into different colours, every time Jinyoung’s head bumps into a string of them it sets off a wave of glitter and coloured flashes across the room. There’s wooden cabinets across the walls filled with small ornaments, some miniature lighthouses, snow globes, ships in the bottles and even some old fishing rods. Jinyoung takes his time, the shop is tiny and everything is cluttered together, everything from old antiques to cheap souvenirs pile on top of each other on the shelves.  
  
There’s the sudden sound of the ocean then and someone from behind takes a large breath.  
  
“I knew I’d find you here,” The voice is quiet and out of breath. Jinyoung looks over his shoulder slowly and finds Jaebum huffing, his cheeks slightly flushed.  
  
“I got lost,” Jinyoung defends as if he was accused of something but Jaebum just flashes a grin and straightens up.  
  
“How convenient.”  
  
Jinyoung narrows his eyes, “Where’s Jackson?”  
  
Jaebum just shrugs, his attention already caught by the colours and glass in the room. He looks at everything in awe, his mouth slightly open as his eyes scatter along the small shop. Jinyoung doesn't make the effort to move away from Jaebum as he leans over to something above his head, his eyes transfixed on Jaebum’s as they took everything in with shimmer. “I’ve seen this store a couple of times from the outside but I didn’t think it’d be like this on the inside.”  
  
Someone else walks into the shop then, there’s a sensor above the door that gets set off when someone walks under it and for the next minute the shop is filled with the sound of the ocean. It settles Jinyoung a little, the sound familiar and soothing.  
  
“Do you miss it?” Jaebum asks, in a whisper and Jinyoung swallows down nothing and shifts slightly away from him.  
  
“What?” He whispers back. There was a certain stillness to the shop that made people move quietly as if the beauty hidden in these old antiques and carved masterpieces could wither away with any sudden jolt.  
  
“Jeju.” Jaebum says the word like it’s foreign on his tongue, like he isn’t comfortable with it and there’s a look in his eyes that makes Jinyoung want to say _no, he doesn’t_ but he bites his tongue and shrugs instead.  
  
“A little, I did grow up there,” Jinyoung says as nonchalantly as he can, moving away from the glass cabinets and towards the corner of the store where sea glass jewellery covered the wall. Jaebum follows him silently, quickly entranced by stained glass; there were miniature pieces of architect like churches and green houses made with sea glass, bits of coloured pieces melded together.  
  
“Are these rocks?” Jaebum asks, Jinyoung watches his long fingers gently trace a necklace that had a blue piece of smooth sea glass and an anchor hanging from it.  
  
“Sea glass,” Jinyoung replies quietly, he’s struggling to find his voice.  
  
“Sea glass?”  
  
“Yeah it’s glass that’s been weathered in the sea for around twenty to fifty years, although I’d think some of these were fake,” Jinyoung replies, his eye catching a thin bracelet, in the centre there’s a turquoise bead of sea glass, it’d suit his mother.  
  
“Weathered away?” Jaebum curiously asks and Jinyoung steals a peek at him. It was unusual for them to have a conversation without Jinyoung getting annoyed or Jaebum making some snide remark. He thinks he likes it.  
  
“Yeah after years of rolling around in the sea, the edges smoothen as they hit against rocks and they get this like misty colour on them that’s how you can tell if they're real or not sometimes,”Jinyoung explains, his fingers rubbing against the side of a piece of sea glass hanging from an ornament, a soft bell rings at the top with every tug.  
  
“Pretty,” Jaebum says under his breath and Jinyoung stares him, a small grin on his face. When Jaebum looks up though he jerks back and blushes a little, as if Jinyoung wasn’t meant to have heard him or maybe that he wasn’t have meant to say it out loud. “I mean- whatever, let’s go, Jackson’s probably crying in some coffee shop by now.” He mumbles quickly and swivels on his feet, Jinyoung biting back a smile on his lips follows him.  
  
For some reason a woman at the till they brush by catches Jinyoung’s attention for a moment, she’s short and a little thick but has a petite face, she looks a little older than Jinyoung, maybe nineteen or twenty. The man at the till also looks a little older than her, long black hair tied up into a small ponytail with a jaw full of stubble. Jinyoung watches for a brief moment as the woman hands out the money for her item, her fingertips a breath away from the man’s palm and then he’s not sure what he hears or what he sees, he thinks he see’s electricity snap between the two of them for a fraction of a second. Then everything comes rushing quickly, the pair both hiss suddenly and double over in pain.  
  
Jinyoung’s frozen where he stands, behind a tall lamp, the shade made of stained glassed. Through the glass the man is a blur, his face twisting in shock as his hand flies towards his neck. Jinyoung see’s it clearly, reddened skin and a black arrow burning it’s way through the surface, Jinyoung thinks he could smell flesh cooking but he know’s it’s just in his head because the mark emerges and then the next second it’s settled upon the man's neck as if it’d been there like a birthmark for his whole life.  
  
Jinyoung knows how it feels; first it’s the shock that runs through like electricity, then it’s the burn like your blood had turned molten and bubbled it’s way through the skin, but it passes quickly and you’re then left with the tingly sensation on your arm and the impending knowledge of what had just happened. Jinyoung could read it all on the man's face-  
  
“Jinyoung,” Jaebum’s voice is close, and Jinyoung gasps heavily, he was holding his breath the whole time. “We need to go.” He says quickly but Jinyoung can hardly move, his heart slamming against his chest. When Jaebum realises this he clutches Jinyoung’s arm and starts dragging him out. The two leave the shop quickly, the sound of the ocean slowly drifting away into the distance.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
The first time Jinyoung remembers hyperventilating was when he was eleven, nothing really triggered it, just one time at night he started thinking about his breathing, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, and then it quickened, and then the panic started rushing to his head. It’s like your chest tightens and shrinks and your lungs work hard against it but all it does is make your body stiff. He was alone at that time, as he usually is when it happens, he doesn’t really know when it started but anything could be a trigger; the darkness, the stress, or the panic.  
  
So while he cowers in the stairwell, an emergency exit in the mall that no one really uses and insists on Jaebum to _go away_ , it proves difficult when he can hardly breathe. His voice comes out broken and in whimpers as his body shivers and jerks with the irregular pattern of his quickened breathing.  
  
“How can I just go when you’re like this?” Jaebum panickingly shouts from above, he’s pacing above Jinyoung because every time he tries to touch him Jinyoung slaps him. “Are you going to be okay? Eventually I mean, do I need to call the ambulance?”  
  
Jinyoung swallows, his breath caught in his throat, rising up and down but not exhaling or inhaling. He places his head tightly between his knees and presses the sides of his skull, he hopes Jaebum can see him shake his head but he can’t seem to concentrate on anything but the white tiles beneath him.  
  
He tries to rack his brain quickly for what the internet had taught him to do, usually in the dead of night it’ll eventually pass, but he needed it to end quickly, it was excruciating enough that Jaebum had seen this all happen. Jinyoung closes his eyes, then his mouth, his lips trembling as he tries to push the air through his nose and back. His chest jerks and his jaw tightens as the air tries to claw itself out but eventually he feels his heartbeat slow, everything stops spinning and Jinyoung can finally breathe without feeling like he was suffocating at the same time.  
  
Minutes tick by quietly as Jinyoung keeps his head low between his knees, his hands are shaking and the humiliation slowly ebbs it’s way into Jinyoung’s head like fimble waves from the sea onto the coast. He looks up a fraction then and see’s Jaebum silently sitting crossed legged on the floor in front of him staring at him with furrowed eyebrows and a frown.  
  
This was the last thing Jinyoung had ever wanted anyone to see. Not even his mother knows.  
  
“Was that a panic attack?” Jaebum mumbles the question, his eyebrows knitting tighter together as he stares at Jinyoung’s hands, which were still shaking slightly. Jinyoung interlocks them together and clears his throat.  
  
“No-” He takes a deep breath. “No, just hyperventilation.”  
  
“ _Just_ ,” Jaebum repeats the word bitterly but then let’s out a sigh. “Are you okay?”  
  
Jinyoung nods and tries to quickly get up but his knees buckle and he lands back onto the wall, Jaebum is quick though, throwing his hands under Jinyoung arms and steadying him like a toddler learning to walk.  
  
“I’m fine...thanks,” Jinyoung says quickly and shuffles away.  
  
Jaebum’s frown deepens, “What happened? Did what happen at the shop scare you or something?”  
  
Jinyoung feels his face heat up, he didn’t think Jaebum had saw that too. He shakes his head, “No, it shocked me but I was holding my breath for a long time, it happens sometimes.”  
  
“This happens often?” Jaebum asks, and he almost sounds insulted. “How of-”  
  
“Jaebum-” Jinyoung tries to stop him but a phone starts to angrily vibrate and Jaebum looks like he doesn’t want to answer it but Jinyoung’s reluctant look to answer anymore questions seems to make him think otherwise.  
  
“It’s Jackson, he’s waiting for us…” Jaebum reads out the text and then gives Jinyoung a reluctant look of his own. There’s a moment of silence between the two of them before Jaebum sighs. “Come on, let’s go.”  
  
The rest of the day goes by calmly and silently, Jinyoung making every effort to avoid Jaebum’s eyes as much as he can. It’s nearly six pm when they decide to make their way back home. Of course, Jackson has to go in a completely different direction to Jinyoung and Jaebum, so he leaves the two of them early and heads off. Jinyoung tries to make a dash for it on his own but Jaebum has to quickly and bluntly point out they’re going in the same direction and taking the same bus anyway. Either Jaebum can’t read the mood or he doesn’t want to, insisting on making Jinyoung more uncomfortable than ever.  
  
They’re both sitting at the back of the bus again, except it’s twilight out now and there’s a space between them. It’s just after rush hour now so there’s just a few people occupying the seats, and the space around them is filled with the low humming of the buses engine.  
  
“Can I ask a question?” Jaebum says after a while.  
  
“You’re going to ask anyway, aren’t you?”  
  
“Yup.”  
  
Jinyoung hopes Jaebum can hear him roll his eyes. “What is it?”  
  
Jaebum doesn’t say anything for a long while and Jinyoung turns around from the streets buzzing by to find Jaebum looking down into his hands with a concentrated expression. “Why do you look so constipated?”  
  
“Shut up, I’m trying to find the right words,” Jaebum mutters. It makes Jinyoung a little nervous.  
  
“Just spit it out.”  
  
Jaebum grumbles, “Are you...ill?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Are you ill? You know?” Jaebum insinuates something with the raise of his eyebrows but Jinyoung just looks at him like he’s ludicrous.  
  
“You got to elaborate,” Jinyoung says with a shake of his head.  
  
Jaebum sighs and rubs at the bridge of his nose, “Are you sick? Like terminally ill or something? I got six months to live type of ill?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“No?”  
  
“No- what even made you think that?”  
  
“I don’t know, my mum watches too much hollywood,” Jaebum mumbles, then flicks his head round and gives Jinyoung a scrutinizing look. “But really? I mean not just terminally ill? Like are you anaemic or got diabetes?”  
  
Jinyoung wants to burst out laughing there and then but he considers the public space and offers Jaebum a light chuckle, Jaebum retorts with an offended expression. “I’m being serious!”  
  
“I know you are- that’s what makes it so funny,” Jinyoung’s gone past chuckling and into full blown cackling, bending down into his knees as his shoulders shake violently.  
  
“It’s not that funny,” There’s a pout in Jaebum’s voice but Jinyoung can hear the faint tone of laughter too.  
  
After a moment Jinyoung takes a deep breath and settles into his seat, his head hangs back and he gives Jaebum a glance before speaking. “I just hyperventilate once in awhile, it gets hard to breathe is all.” He puts it simply.  
  
“It’s not like life threatening, like you’ll just stop breathing?”  
  
Jinyoung thinks about it for a moment and shrugs. “I don’t know, it hasn’t happened...yet.”  
  
“What?” Jaebum squeaks and Jinyoung can’t hold back the burst of laughter, it comes up too quick and he’s bowing quickly to the people looking towards him. “Why do you always seem to be laughing at me?”  
  
“Because-” Jinyoung pauses, the word cute at the edge of his tongue. “Because you’re so stupid.”  
  
“Aish you’re really asking for a fight,” Jaebum kicks his leg in the air and grumbles in his seat, his jaw slacked forward in an ugly kind of pout.  
  
Jinyoung has to hold back a smile for the rest of the bus ride, and tries not to think about Jaebum and the word cute in the same sentence.

*

 

Spring is finally here, Jinyoung thought as he leant into the white bricked walls that skirted the school. Students had dispersed and left a while ago, Jinyoung was left to wait alone, looking up at the white and pink blossoms trees that towered over him. Spring was different here than it was in Jeju, paler and metallic.  
  
He thinks of the canola fields that bordered the cliffs in Jeju. Harsh winds and bright yellow in an ocean of their own, slim stems dancing with the winds like waves at sea. It was something so mundane at the time, but now something so magnificent to him, he felt the ache of homesickness settle heavy into his chest.  
  
Jinyoung looked up past the twigs speckled with white petals and at the sky, clouds were looming, bright white clouds but they moved in a large clump, covering the blue sky like snow on frozen lakes. Jinyoung blinks down and sighs quietly, willing himself to stop comparing every little thing to his island home.  
  
“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Jaebum says from the side, jogging out of the school entrance.  
  
Jinyoung frowns, “What took you so long?”  
  
“Mr Jung was giving me a lecture.”  
  
“What did you do? It’s only been a week since punishments ended.”  
  
Jaebum pouts, “Exactly, apparently that was all it took to make him nervous and scold me on how to set an example and how my attitude outside of class should be just as well as inside of class-blah blah blah.”  
  
“He’s got a point, stop causing trouble and dragging other people down with you,” Jinyoung says and pushes himself off the wall.  
  
“People cause trouble with _me_ ,” Jaebum says, leaning in close. Jinyoung gives him a look before brushing past him.  
  
“I think you pretty much ask for it,” Jinyoung says under his breath. “Where’s Jackson, anyway?”  
  
“Ah...he went ahead, I think, I don’t know, his head’s been in the clouds lately,” Jaebum shrugs.  
  
The two of them start walking down the blossom covered path. “I should of went ahead then.” Jinyoung mutters and Jaebum gives him a look from the side.  
  
“You like Jackson a lot, don’t you?”  
  
“Not really, he’s just extremely annoying when he doesn’t get his way,” Jinyoung sighs, his eyebrows crease together, the blossoms falling down were beginning to irritate him.  
  
Jaebum snorts. “You speak in such a roundabout way.”  
  
Jinyoung raises an eyebrow at him, “What?”  
  
“It’s like you hate admitting you actually care about something, why?” Jaebum says it in a light hearted way, but the words hit Jinyoung one at a time like a brick being chucked at his skull.  
  
Jinyoung looks down at the ground, his frown etching deeper into his face and then he starts picking up the pace, walking ahead of Jaebum. “Hey, Jin- hey!” Jaebum calls out, running to close the space. “Sorry I didn’t meant to poke at you, it’s just-”  
  
“Whatever.” Jinyoung quickly dismisses it, he didn’t want to talk about it. Which in turn seems to berate at Jaebum but he bites his lip in an unnatural attempt at keeping his mouth shut.  
  
They turn a corner into the main road, where the cars are buzzing by and large glass buildings stand tall. There was so much different roads, and turns here that Jinyoung felt a constant detachment from, nothing fit together here, especially him.  
  
Jaebum takes a deep breath and nudges Jinyoung, “Wanna come to my place? My mum keeps offering free chicken for my imaginary friends.”  
  
“Imaginary friends?”  
  
“Yeah, she doesn’t seem to believe I can actually get along with people for a long period of time,” Jaebum huffs as the two turn into a corner where loads of small roads and alley ways lead to residential spaces and small convenience stores and restaurants.  
  
Jaebum and Jinyoung live close to each other, which Jinyoung unfortunately discovered one day after they left school to go home and mistakenly thought Jaebum was following him. Where Jaebum lives more on the main road, above his family’s chicken shop, Jinyoung lives with his mother further uphill in their home.  
  
“You can’t really blame her,” Jinyoung quietly looked at Jaebum and thought about why him and Jaebum didn’t simply decide to drift after their punishment ended. Either Jaebum was a stubborn piece of gum or Jinyoung just didn’t really mind having him around, or maybe both.  
  
Jaebum ignores the jab and skips ahead to turn around and face Jinyoung, a gleam in his eyes. “Hey, so I was talking to you mother…” He starts, walking backwards, with his hands in his pocket.  
  
“When did you get to talk to my mother?”  
  
“She visits the supermarket across the road from our shop, we’re buddies now,” He nods and Jinyoung notices a street lamp impending from behind Jaebum as he walks blindly, Jinyoung contemplates letting him hit it. “Anyway, she talks a lot about you and so since I found out you really love the sea and apparently chlorine isn’t your friend,” He says it like he knew Jinyoung was lying, but Jinyoung doesn’t respond. “I got my cousin to take us up to the beach next weekend, she got a car last year and is more than willing to drive us up.”  
  
Jinyoung processes his words for a moment, he wasn’t sure how to react or how to respond. Decline? He could just refuse the idea, like the way he was averting the idea of going to a swimming pool, he could just make up an excuse. But there was an underlying feeling in Jinyoung as he took in Jaebum’s expectant face that he didn’t want to disappoint. He hated this feeling.  
  
“S...sure.” He finally says, in a struggle.  
  
Jaebum grins wide, too wide, and then bites his lip. Jinyoung blinks at the expression and then looks away, his own face hot with an emotion running in his veins. The moment of internal distraction makes Jinyoung forget how close the street lamp is now, and out of instinct, he grabs Jaebum from his shirt and pulls him away.  
  
“Oh shit,” Jaebum huffs, his breath close to Jinyoung’s neck. Jinyoung quickly unclasps his hands from Jaebum’s shirt and swallows down the warm air. “Thanks, you could have warned me earlier about it though.”  
  
“I wanted you to hit it.” Jinyoung admits, hardly able to keep the laughter bubbling in his throat. Jaebum gives him a deadpanned look but it faltered quickly.  
  
It’s quiet between them for a moment. “I like you like this,” Jaebum admits from the side, now walking beside Jinyoung.  
  
“Like what?” He clears his throat. “Wishing harm upon you?”  
  
“No…” Jaebum pauses as if he didn’t want to finish the sentence. “Like you’re carefree. I like your smile.”  
  
The words struck Jinyoung like little pins to the heart and he suddenly forgets how to breathe for a short moment. Jinyoung looks away, quick to turn the corner into the smaller streets.  
  
Jinyoung tries to relieve himself of the thick air between them by saying, “Funny coming from someone who doesn’t smile.”  
  
“I smile!” Jaebum retorts. “I smile all the time.”  
  
Jinyoung arches an eyebrow, “You grin or smirk, or offer some type of mischievous, conniving little expression. You don’t really smile.” And Jinyoung realises then, that bothers him more than he thought it would.  
  
“Hm, I guess you just haven’t seen it then, no offence but you aren’t the bubbly, outgoing type,” Jaebum says with a scrunch of his nose.  
  
“Oh, and you are?”  
  
“Of course, just in a little more devil’s advocate way,” Jaebum nods, and it earns a snort from Jinyoung.  
  
They’re coming up to Jaebum’s family’s chicken shop then, which Jinyoung has only seen from the outside but from the noise and looks of things, he’d say it ran a good business daily. Jaebum had invited him in before but Jinyoung had refused so many times now, he was running out of excuses once again. But there was just something about the place Jinyoung didn’t want to get too close to.  
  
“Jaebum!” A little screech comes from down below, and Jinyoung notices a little girl with high pig tails and smudged lipstick run out of the shop like a bull, charging towards Jaebum. Jinyuong watches her as she aims her pigtail thorns for Jinyoung stomach but Jaebum smoothly averts it by scooping her up from under her arms and onto his chest.  
  
“Oof you’ve gotten heavy,” Jaebum mutters. “Who put that lipstick on you?”  
  
The little girl grins wide, an identical mischievous grin that mirrors Jaebum’s. “Me.” Jaebum rolls his eyes.  
  
“Mum’s not going to be happy,” He says with a huff and settles her back onto the ground, holding her hand.  
  
“Mum doesn’t know.”  
  
“ _Yet._ ”  
  
Jaebum looks up to meet Jinyoung’s curious gaze and then nods towards the little girl, “This is my sister, Minhee.”  
  
“She’s...small.” Jinyoung blurts out, unsure of what else to say.  
  
“Yeah, she’s ten,” Jaebum says it like it’s obvious and Jinyoung realises how dumb he must sound. Jaebum looks down at Minhee then and nods. “Greet him, this is Jinyoung, my friend.”  
  
Minhee gives Jinyoung a skeptical kind of look that makes him nervous, stiff even. “He’s pretty. I like him.” She smiles wide and then skips towards Jinyoung grabbing his finger with her small hand. Jinyoung feel’s his lip twitch robotically as Minhee looks expectantly up at him. Something else catches his eye though, for a moment he sees something...wrong on the girl's wrist.  
  
“Minhee!” Jaebum suddenly shouts, startling the both of them. “Where are your gloves?”  
  
Minhee whines a little and let’s go of Jinyoung’s hand to cross her arms over her chest. “They’re itchy.”  
  
“Don’t tell me you went through the shop without them on?” Jaebum suddenly got extremely authoritative, a mix of worry and anger ebbing into his voice.  
  
“No one saw…” She pouts.  
  
Jaebum gives her a look and then flickers his eyes up at Jinyoung worriedly, “Sorry, I’ll see you at school Jinyoung.” He says quickly and grabs his sister, dragging her back into the shop.  
  
Jinyoung, for a short moment, stares at the chicken shop before realising what he had saw on Minhee’s wrist. There wasn’t anything wrong on it, there was a Mark.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
The weekend comes quickly, and it wasn’t till the night before did Jinyoung realise just how excited he was at the prospect of seeing the sea again. Luckily his mum hadn’t created too much of an issue of him spending the night out, as long as Jaebum was there. She had grown a fondness for him.  
  
“Make sure you wear sunscreen, okay?” His mother had warned him for the fifth time that morning.  
  
“I know mum,” Despite the fact the weather was good, the heat wasn’t enough to warrant sunscreen but if it was to appease her conscience he’d apply it five times every hour.  
  
“And drink a lot of wa-”  
  
The front door bell goes off then, and Jinyoung internally thanks whoever was behind the door. “Got your stuff?” His mother says and Jinyoung nods, throwing his rucksack over his shoulder, he makes his way with her to the front door.  
  
“Good morning!” Jackson hollers, a wide grin on his face and a cap swivelled to the side. “Lovely day, isn’t it?”  
  
“Good morning Jackson,” Jinyoung’s mother laughs lightly. “Have fun, and look after him, okay?”  
  
“Will do, Ma’am.” Jackson salutes.  
  
Jinyoung looks over his shoulder and with sudden bitterness he catches Jaebum amongst a group of three to four girls, leaning against a car.  
  
“Who are they?” Jinyoung tries to squeeze the words out without giving away the bubbling feeling in his chest.  
  
Jackson waves away Jinyoung’s mother and turns to meet the direction of Jinyoung’s eyes. “Ah, Sihyun and her friends, they’re coming with us.”  
  
Jinyoung frowns, “Sihyun?”  
  
“Jaebum’s cousin, she’s the one with the really short hair.” She was pretty, Jinyoung thought, and so were her friends. _So this was his motive_ , Jinyoung didn’t like to admit the fact that he thought they were going to the beach for the sake of him, and not for whatever hormonal heterosexual motives Jaebum might have. Jinyoung licked the inside of his mouth, aching for the bitterness to wash away, but it stuck to the inside of mouth and tasted of rust.  
  
“Have fun!” Jinyoung’s mother calls out and Jinyoung waves back, knowing she wouldn’t close the door until they drove off.  
  
“So where are we all sitting?” Jackson claps, already comfortable amongst everyone. The girls weren’t that much older, in university now and on a break, they decided to join Sihyun when they heard she was driving them up for the weekend. Jaebum was enjoying himself, he hadn’t even acknowledged Jinyoung a single moment.  
  
“Well, Narae and I are driving,” Sihyun said. “So pick amongst yourself.”  
  
“This is Jinyoung by the way,” Jackson quickly introduced, realising how quiet Jinyoung was being on the side.  
  
Jinyoung took a second to collect himself and spread on a beautiful smile. “Nice to meet you.” He’d been around Jackson and Jaebum for so long he thought he forgot how to use it, but seeing the outburst _aww_ that came from the group of girls, he thought it would be more unnatural to forget.  
  
“He’s beautiful, I want to sit next to him,” A brown haired girl said, Jinyoung recognized her as Hyojung when Sihyun called out to her earlier. She quickly went to wrap an arm around Jinyoung.  
  
“What...I thought you wanted to sit next to me,” Jaebum pouts and goes to tug on Hyojung’s arms.  
  
“She sits next to neither of you,” Sihyun says in an almost scolding tone and gives Hyojung a short glare before Hyojung giggles to herself and jumps to Sihyun’s side.  
  
“Okay I sit in the passenger seat with Sihyun,” Hyojung declares with a palm outward.  
  
After a few more glares and declarations it’s decided with Jackson’s forceful hand that he sits in the car Narae drives with the other girl, Yoobin, and Jaebum and Jinyoung sit in the backseat with Hyojung and Sihyun.  
  
Jinyoung is unhappy, a conflict running inside his chest as he tries to decide if he’s annoyed with the predicament or annoyed with Jaebum. He’s not really sure why he’s annoyed with Jaebum though, or maybe he is.  
  
Ten minutes pass in the car ride before Jaebum opens his mouth. Sihyun and Hyojung converse in the front quietly, like there’s a glass barrier between the back and the front.  
  
“Enjoying the attention, pretty boy?” Jaebum jabs, but Jinyoung is in no mood to entertain him right now. “What, upset you couldn’t sit next to the pretty girls?”  
  
Jinyoung scrunches up his lips at that one and huffs, “Reflecting your disappointments on me are we?” Jinyoung throws back with an oddly still voice.  
  
Jaebum get’s thrown back, blinks and sits back for a moment. “I don’t really care.”  
  
Jinyoung snorts, “Sure, using me as an excuse to go to the beach but you just wanted to see girls in bikini.”  
  
“I think you in a bikini would be far more entertaining,” He quickly retorts and Jinyoung swivels his head to glare at him. Jaebum didn’t return his look though, he’s staring out the window with a heavy expression. “I didn’t do this for the girls, I didn’t know she would bring them.”  
  
“Hm, how convenient then,” Jinyoung mutters under his breath but Jaebum catches it anyway.  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jaebum snaps but Jinyoung just shrugs, turning his face to look out the window too.  
  
They quickly turned onto the motor way and soon all there was to see was grey roads and large fields of dull green. The two of them turned silent for a while. Sihyun says something then and Hyojung bursts out laughing for a long moment before the car settles down again into small murmurs from the two of them in the front.  
  
“You were supposed to be smiling,” Jaebum says out loud, like he meant to but didn’t want to. Jinyoung turns to look at him.  
  
“I don’t need to smile Jaebum, I don’t know why it concerns you,” Jinyoung mutters lowly.  
  
“It just does.” Jaebum flatly responds, his expression unreadable. Jinyoung takes a deep breath and tries to push away the childish side of him that wants to keep poking at Jaebum like a little boy that bullied his- Jinyoung stops himself and goes to rub his temples.  
  
“Are you okay?” Jaebum asks softly from the side, and Jinyoung inwardly groans.  
  
“I’m fine, Jaebum.” He sighs heavily. “Thanks though...seriously, for this.”  
  
“You don’t look very thankful.”  
  
“You shouldn’t rely on my face for answers.”  
  
Jaebum bursts out laughing, “You got that right.”  
  
The mood finally relaxes.  
  
It takes an hour before Jinyoung sees any signs of the coasts. Small cottages and market places start appearing in their frequents as they drive off the motor way and into residential areas. Sihyun said it was a small town by the coast that wasn’t very known with tourists but had the best sea food and the most beautiful beach. The weather still wasn’t warm enough to actually go swimming, thankfully for Jinyoung, but it was a good place to relax and taste the salty air.  
  
“Where will we be staying?” Jinyoung asks curiously, he watches as they drive past an elderly couple throwing out bits of breads for seagulls.  
  
“There’s a lovely hostel in town,” Sihyun says over her shoulder. “Hyojung and I...found it last year, the couple that own it are so nice.” Jinyoung watches Sihyun gives Hyojung a warm smile and is quietly surprised as Hyojung places a hand on Sihyun’s thigh. Jaebum notices it too.  
  
Once they finally reach the hostel, the first thing Jinyoung hears are the seagulls and Jackson’s howling. Jinyoung squints and looks to the side to see Jackson with his arms out to the sky, breathing in the air. Jinyoung tries not to laugh at the spectacle and instead closes his own eyes and breathes in quietly, the sea was in the air, and Jinyoung instantly felt his nerves relax. It wasn’t home, but it was close enough.  
  
They all settle their stuff in separate rooms, the girls in one, and the boys in one. They split up then, some people go to get food, others run to the beach, while Jackson works on finding wifi.  
  
Jinyoung, of course, first made his way to the beach. There was an itching excitement in him that made him want to hear the sound of crashing waves up close, to feel the white froth of the sea on his toes, the sand beneath him. The thought of it all, made him feel light on his feet, he hadn’t felt this gleeful excitement in a long time.  
  
It’s only a ten minute walk from the hostel, and Jinyoung has to take the long stone stairs down onto the beach. The weather is incredible and he can see a handful of people in full swim gear further out into the sea and wished with all of his body that he could be with them. But at most all he had on him were a pair of flip flops, swimming trunks, a t shirt and a hoody. Even still, the sea would be freezing this time of year, the swimmers further out were probably professional divers.  
  
The second Jinyoung reaches the beach, he takes a couple of steps and quickly takes off his flip flops. He stares down at his toes as they wriggle into the bright brown sand and digs them into the ground. He smiles a small smile and lets out a large sigh of relief. He looks up then at the sea, the far distant sea that seems to reach out forever and takes a step towards it and another and another.  
  
The waves are calm, their sound soft and rhythmic. Jinyoung takes a step closer to the water that laps up at the coast and then shrinks back, leaving behind small shells and pebbles. Jinyoung takes a tickling step forward, the dying wave blankets his feet for a moment and Jinyoung feels just how cold it is. He didn’t mind it though, in fact it felt more like home than ever, where he’d go out into the freezing cold Jeju sea too early in the season because he was impatient all winter, and then he’d just hear nags and nags from his mother as to why he shouldn’t, but he never listened.  
  
He bends down on his knees after moving closer into the sea so the waves reach up just below his ankles and revels in the cool water that seems to welcome him as if the sea had been waiting for his return too.  
  
“I knew you’d be here,” Jaebum’s voice says from above, he stands beside Jinyoung with his jeans rolled up and then goes to bend down to his level.  
  
Jinyoung looks to the side and back at the sea, he feels content, oddly calm. He didn’t realise just how much he needed this, how much he still needed home. Even Jaebum’s presence at the moment somehow couldn’t even break the stillness inside Jinyoung at that moment.  
  
“It’s really...beautiful,” Jaebum says lowly and Jinyoung looks towards him to see him, too, mesmerised by the sea. “Not like I haven’t come to a beach before but sometimes you don’t let yourself take it in fully.”  
  
Jinyoung internally agrees, this view had been something he had seen everyday of his life, it meant nothing at a point, it just meant normalcy. But now, after being lost from it for so long, he realised how much his skin had ached for it.  
  
“In the summer, at Jeju, I’d spend the days swimming and picking up shells, sea glass, anything pretty really,” Jinyoung says, picking up a smooth pebble embedded in the ground below him. “It was a sort of part time job, I’d go collect bucket fulls and sell them to the craftsmen by the coast, they’d make jewellery, ornaments and souvenirs for tourists.”  
  
“What’d you do with the money?”  
  
“I saved it for a good five years, I saved the money, I wanted to buy an anniversary gift for my parents, but-” Jinyoung abruptly stops mid sentence and frowns. Remembering the money he had saved and hid beneath his mattress was now in a box in Seoul under his bed collecting dust. He never had the heart to spend it.  
  
There’s a shriek from behind then and the two of them turn to find Sihyun and Hyojung playing in the sand, chucking clumps at each other.  
  
“They’re so close,” Jinyoung says lowly, he blinks away from them but sees Jaebum’s lingering stare. Jinyoung watches him closely for a moment, the beauty spots above his eyes clear now at this distance. Jaebum hasn’t stopped looking at the two of them though, and suddenly a question slips out of Jinyoung’s mouth. “Are they together?”  
  
It caught Jaebum off guard, and he quickly returns Jinyoung’s gaze, his own face solemn. “They’re a match.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“They’re Marked,” Jaebum said it with finality and Jinyoung turns to look back at the two of them and their bright smiles, and suddenly he sees them in a completely different light. Jinyoung frowns, Jaebum didn’t answer his question.  
  
Jaebum looks away and back out to the sea then, picking his own pebble to play with. “They met two years ago at university. Sihyun had trouble hiding her mark from her parents, it’s just above her ankle, and it caused a lot of problems when they found out it was with a girl.” Jaebum explains, there’s an undertone in his voice that felt like he was unhappy but Jinyoung couldn’t pinpoint with what.  
  
“They look happy.” Jinyoung says, and feels a pang of guilt in his chest, his father looked happy too.  
  
“Yeah, they weren’t always like that though, it must have been confusing, but they seemed to have found themselves.” Jaebum explains. “Most of the people in my family have been Marked.”  
  
Jinyoung was about to ask _what about you?_ but bit his lip, that was a conversation he didn’t want to have. Then, he remembers Jaebum’s sister.  
  
The words come out before he can stop himself, “Your sister…?”  
  
Jaebum stiffens and then looks at the ground, “You saw?”  
  
“Yeah…” Jinyoung feels instantly uncomfortable, he didn’t know if he had any right to ask but it was the type of topic Jinyoung had trouble refraining from.  
  
“It’s a...I don’t know how to explain it,” Jaebum shakily sighs and then turns to look at Jinyoung seriously. “You won’t judge my family, right? Minhee, she’s just a little girl- this type of thing isn’t-”  
  
“Jaebum, it’s fine.”  
  
Jaebum nods and turns back to the pebble in his hands. “Family friends came to congratulate us on the shop opening, Minhee was only five at the time. She- They uhm, brought their families, gave their gifts and you know, Minhee she’s loud and loves the attention, she went around greeting all of them.” Jaebum laughs lightly, but it gets stuck in his throat. “One of them had a son, he was like my big brother, you know? A cousin but not really blood related. He, uhm, he took Minhee in his arms and well, Minhee started crying, a second later and they were both...Marked with the same symbol. On both their wrists..”  
  
Jinyoung felt his stomach churn and flip with the wave that came out onto the sand then, it was higher and colder than the rest and Jinyoung couldn’t tell what was making him shiver. “How….how old is he?”  
  
Jaebum sighs, “He was eighteen at the time. My mum...she went crazy, threatened to kill him for touching her, even though he didn’t do anything. I’ll never forget the look on his face, it was like his world fell apart in that moment.” There was a short moment the two took to collect their thoughts, the sound of the waves was quieter than before. “He came back a couple of times though. You know, what they teach us in class? That there’s this...nagging thought that makes you want to see each other, that it’s hard to stay apart.” Jinyoung nodded, he even remembered the percentage of 89% of Marked people surveyed felt a pull, although nothing has proven whether it’s directly linked to the Mark or just a psychological effect.  
  
“Do you believe that?” Jinyoung finds himself asking.  
  
It earns him a long hard look Jinyoung can’t seem to decipher before he tucks his head into his neck and shrugs, “I don’t know.” He continues, “Anyway, he begged even just to see Minhee for a moment, just to see her face but my mum would just scream and scream. She was scared he’d take her away, but he- he wasn’t like that, you could tell, when you looked at him, just how much pain he was in.”  
  
Jinyoung didn’t know how to respond. His own mind twisting away into possibilities, what if his match was a child? What if they were forty years older? What a cruel fate to live with.  
  
“These…” Jaebum breathes. “These Marks, nothing good comes of them.”  
  
Jinyoung swallowed down the statement, he wanted to agree, he wanted to tell Jaebum they meant nothing. That they were bullshit, a joke by God to twist and play with our minds. He’d think of his father and spit on the Mark on his arm, and even then he couldn’t find the will in his muscles to nod. Because in the simplest way put, Jinyoung knows, that what he really wants is to meet them, he wants to find his soulmate.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Night comes like a lullaby and a soft blanket, stars bright in their hundreds scatter the sky and when they decide to have a barbeque on the roof, it seems to be the only thing Jinyoung can stare at as he lies back on the sunbed. The roof is covered in fairy lights, a cheap alternative to actual lamps but it was pretty, Jinyoung thought, they matched the stars in the sky with a bright yellow.  
  
“What you eating my man?” Jackson asks, flopping back into the sunbed beside Jinyoung, his mouth full of a burger.  
  
“I’m not that hungry,” Jinyoung says, and he wasn’t. He didn’t seem to have any sort of appetite after his talk with Jaebum at the beach, his words echoing in his head. “No good…” Jinyoung mutters under his breath, the fairy lights suddenly blinding.  
  
“What was that?” Jacksons asks loudly and Jinyoung sighs before he sits up to find Jaebum on the grill with one of the girls, Yoobin. She was cute, to Jinyoung’s dismay.  
  
“I said I wasn’t hungry,” Jinyoung repeats, his eyes glued to Jaebum and Yoobin’s back.  
  
“You haven’t eaten all day, Jinyoung, come on,” Sihyun says from the side, a scolding look on her face. Jinyoung doesn’t have the appetite to eat, but he also didn’t have the will to argue with anyone.  
  
He lifts himself up off the sunbed and heads towards the grill where he can hear Jaebum laughing softly. He quietly grabs a burger bun and sets himself a plate, hoping he can do it fast enough to get away from the two of them. But of course, Jaebum notices him.  
  
“Want me to give you a hot one?” Jaebum kindly offers, flipping a burger on the grill.  
  
“No, it’s warm enough, thanks,” Jinyoung responds.  
  
“Wow,” Yoobin says from the side, they both look at her but she was talking to Jaebum. “You’ve got the prettiest eyes, is that a beauty mark?” She gawks and Jinyoung watches slowly as she takes out a delicate hand and lifts it towards Jaebum’s face.  
  
His body moves on instinct, Jinyoung’s not really thinking when he goes to grab Yoobin’s hand quickly and clasps it tightly towards him. The heat of the grill almost suffocating as the attention turns to him. Jinyoung smiles then, effortlessly, and lets sweet words spill from his lips, “But your eyes are prettier.”  
  
Yoobin squeaks loudly, “Oh my god, I’m going to be taken by a guy three years younger than me.” Jinyoung let’s go of her hand then and stuffs it into his pocket. “That was smooth.” She laughs. “How many girls have you managed to get using that move?” She’s giggling heavily, Hyojung eventually joins the three of them, interested by the conversation.  
  
“Yeah, you’re so good looking, how many people have you dated?” Hyojung asks curiously leaning on the table. Jinyoung smiles tightly, unsure of how to answer the question.  
  
“Just one.” He answers honestly, but they don’t seem to buy it. “Seriously, I just dated one person.”  
  
“Seriously!?” Yoobin gasps. “Wow, okay, what would you think about dating me?”  
  
Hyojung turns then and flicks Yoobin on the forehead, “You’re real cute, watch when I text your boyfriend later about this.” Yoobin groans loudly in response.  
  
“Don’t do this! I’m only playing!” She whines and goes to drag Hyojung away in a childish fit.  
  
Jinyoung sighs in his place, the burger on his plate untouched as he rubs the back of his neck.  
  
“What was their name?” Jaebum asks then, his eyes digging into the meats he was turning on the charcoal fire.  
  
“What?”  
  
“The person you dated, what was their name?”  
  
Jinyoung gives him a long look, “Does it matter?”  
  
Jaebum drops the metal spatula onto the grill with a loud clang and turns his back to Jinyoung. “Jackson, take over the grill, I’m having a nap.” He declares loudly and heads straight for the exit, slamming the door violently behind him.  
  
“Woah, what happened there?” Jackson mutters as he heads towards the grill.  
  
“See, you pissed him off now!” Hyojung scolds, and Yoobin whines some more.  
  
Jinyoung still in a momentary state of shock, somehow finally brings the burger to his lips, and then he realises just how hungry he is. “Don’t mind him,” Jackson says, turning a hot dog around. “He has his moments.”  
  
“I wonder what that moment was,” Jinyoung ponders, he wasn’t exactly sure what was a trigger but it must have been something Jinyoung said.  
  
“Hey, you know Jinyoung,” Jackson starts, and it’s his serious tone that finally brings Jinyoung’s eyes away from the blue door in the distance and to Jackson. “I was wondering if you had time….to talk? Tonight, tomorrow, next week...I don’t know.”  
  
Jinyoung curious and a little thrown back by Jackson’s awkward speech nods, “Alone?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Sure, whenever you want.”  
  
Jackson sighs then, in relief and continues grilling.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
The rest of them leave after an hour or two, some going to spend time alone together, some going to bed but Jinyoung decides to stay back with the wafting smell of meat and salt, and watch the stars for a couple more hours.  
  
He doesn't know how long he’s sat on that sun bed, in absolute stillness, letting his mind go blank with twinkly lights, but eventually there’s the sound of footsteps coming up the stairwell and the click of the door. Jinyoung thinks it’s Jackson but is surprised to see Jaebum awkwardly walk through and shut the door behind him.  
  
“Somehow I always know the first place to look for you,” Jaebum states as he settles into the sunbed beside Jinyoung. Jinyoung notices the faint scent of bubbles and fruit and sees Jaebum’s hair is a little damp, he’d taken a shower.  
  
“I didn’t really move.” Jinyoung responds and looks back up at the sky. “Thought you were napping.”  
  
“I tried but...I couldn’t,” He admits and looks up at the sky. “So many stars.”  
  
“You okay now? You left a little…”  
  
“Yeah, it was nothing, I was just being childish,” Jaebum shrugs.  
  
“Was it because I stole your time for flirting?” Jinyoung tries to make it sound like a light hearted jab, but he couldn’t help let the bitter rusting taste in his mouth slip with it.  
  
“No...that wasn’t it-” Jaebum stops talking for a moment. “I came to ask about what we were talking about on the beach.”  
  
“Which part?”  
  
“You were talking about your parents anniversary and then just stopped,” Jaebum says and turns his head sideways to look at Jinyoung and it isn’t until their eyes meet that Jinyoung realises he was staring.  
  
Jinyoung blinks away and swallows hard, “It wasn’t a big deal.”  
  
Jaebum isn’t happy with the response. He gets up quickly and faces Jinyoung with a set jaw and stubborn look in his eyes. “You always do that. Every time- every time I think I’m getting closer to understanding you, to seeing something, you shut off.” Jaebum says this with such honesty and fever in his voice, it sets Jinyoung’s heart into an unsteady pace. He doesn’t know how to respond. “Tell me.”  
  
But Jinyoung didn’t want to, or he did and he was scared. Confiding in someone, telling someone the truth for no reason but for appeasing their curiosity, he didn’t want to do it. But Jaebum was different, he was different and he opened himself to Jinyoung, and it was only fair. No, it was more than fair, it was Jinyoung letting someone in for the first time in a year.  
  
“My p-parents…they, uhm…” He feels like his breath has been stolen and he was having trouble forming the words. Jaebum notices Jinyoung’s distressed expression and then seems to back down.  
  
“Jesus, don’t- you don’t have force yourself, Jinyoung, I’m sorry, I’m-”  
  
“No, it’s fine,” Jinyoung sits up and scratches the back of his head. “I’ve never really told anyone, I wasn’t really given time to prepare.” Jaebum looks at him curious, and nods, an indication that he’d wait. Jinyoung tries to relax but it was like everything in his body went tense at the thought of exposing himself, exposing himself to the last person he thought he would, it was like fighting against instinct.  
  
“My mother and I, we moved to Seoul because of my….my father,” Jinyoung admits firstly, Jaebum takes it in slowly, waiting for Jinyoung to continue. “We moved, no we left him in Jeju, they divorced half a year ago and then we moved here.”  
  
Jaebum nods stiffly, understanding, “I thought he died but I hadn’t seen any pictures of him at your house.”  
  
Jinyoung, at one point, wished that was the case too.  
  
“Can I ask why?”  
  
That causes a tiny smirk on Jinyoung’s face, “You already did.” Jaebum pouts.  
  
Jinyoung licks his lips, his mouth dry, he lets out a breath and says, “He found his...soulmate.” Jinyoung thinks then of his father in that library, his eyebrows creasing upwards, his hand soft and wound together, the image had made him want to vomit at one time. Now it left a hazy confusion in Jinyoung’s head.  
  
“What?” Jaebum blurts out, shock clear on his face.  
  
“A year ago, a woman moved into our town, she uh, she was my father’s match.”  
  
“So...you parents weren’t…”  
  
Jinyoung shakes his head, “No, my mother has been Marked but she never met hers.”  
  
They went silent for a long time. Jinyoung waited for the regret to impede on him, but it never came. He just watched Jaebum take it all in with whirring thoughts and felt an odd calm inside him.  
  
“My parents, both their matches had died,” Jaebum suddenly announces, he was looking down at his hands. “They met at a support group kind of thing, to you know get through it, for matches that lost their half. They’re happy you know, they made me realise these Marks, they don’t mean anything.” He says and settles his hands on his thighs.  
  
Jinyoung once again fought with himself to agree, because Jaebum was right, and yet Jinyoung sat there knowing that in the back of his mind ticking away were thoughts of his Mark, and the one he may never be able to find.  
  
“You think like I used to.” He says this out loud.  
  
“Used to?” Jaebum raises an eyebrow.  
  
“I didn’t want something like a symbol to take over my life, to ruin things like it made my father but I realised at some point just as the Mark can ruin and begin things, so can people.” Jinyoung said clearly, out loud, and for the first time, he realised something inside him. This Mark could dictate him, or it can just be a part of him, he didn’t realise why he had to separate himself from it.  
  
Jaebum opens his mouth and then closes it, he didn’t know how to respond. He bowed his head to look down, Jinyong noticed the gleam to Jaebum’s hair.  
  
“You should go inside before you catch a cold,” Jinyoung says.  
  
“Can’t believe how different you are now you are by the sea,” Jaebum laughs, and it sounds bitter but his expression is soft. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so...tranquil? Well you did on that hospital bed but you were unconscious.”  
  
“Why? Do you want me to constantly argue with you?” Jinyoung smirks and lies back into the sunbed.  
  
“You...are always so angry…” Jaebum says but Jinyoung can’t see him, he just looks up at the sky.  
  
“Me? Angry? That’s funny coming from you,” Jinyoung laughs.  
  
“No, I’m- I’m short tempered, but you, your anger was always there, you’re always so tense and I think I get it a little bit now, but not completely,” Jaebum talks like he’s trying to fit a puzzle together and Jinyoung knows exactly what the last piece was. To say Jinyoung didn’t act suspicious, to constantly be on the edge and hide himself was delusional, anyone could notice he wasn’t really himself around others. Maybe that’s what all the girls that confessed to him wanted, maybe it was just their curiosity searching for him, and maybe Jinyoung wanted to be found. He just wasn’t exactly sure by who.  
  
A loud bang came from the stairwell door then and Jackson appeared with jazz hands. “That’s where you both were, come down, we’re playing cards, and loser has to fish for breakfast tomorrow.” He enthusiastically starts to gesture for them to get up and come, and they both can’t do anything but listen because when Jackson wants something, he gets it. “Yes!” He cheers as the two of them start making their way towards the stairs, Jackson running off ahead.  
  
Jinyoung is the first to reach the door but a quick hand blocks him from getting past, Jaebum is close as he tilts his head to look at Jinyoung. “Promise me.” He says like it’s a demand.  
  
Jinyoung bites the inside of his cheek and takes a small step back, “What?”  
  
“Promise me that when we get back to Seoul you won’t close yourself off again, at least not to me,” He asks of it so honestly and wholeheartedly, it made Jinyoung feel like his chest was about to explode.  
  
“Why do you-” He tries to protest but Jaebum just slams the door shut with a loud bang, startling him. Jaebum looks Jinyoung dead in the eye.  
  
“I don’t want to bring you to the sea every time I want to talk to you without us biting at each other’s throat,” Jaebum says flatly, and Jinyoung wants to look away, but he can’t. “So promise me.”  
  
Jinyoung wants to ask so many questions, to look away, to gain back the wall that seemed to have crumbled between them, but instead he just whispers, “I promise.”

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
It’s in the dead of night, where even the seagulls have gone to rest and there’s nothing but soft winds and settling waves that can be heard. Jinyoung is fast asleep on a large futon, Jackson between him and Jaebum. The room is still, but it’s only the soft sound of rustling and someone breathing too lightly to be unconscious that makes Jinyoung stir in his sleep.  
  
There’s the faint sense of someone moving quietly, then there’s the slow sound of something unzipping. Jinyoung’s eyes flick open then, and every muscle in his body tenses as if he wanted to scream but he bites it back, swallows it down and keeps it in his lungs as he takes in Jackson’s face hovering over him, nothing but a dim light from the street lamp outside illuminating his face.  
  
“What are you doing?” Jinyoung whispers in a hiss, and then with horror looks down to find his hoody half shrugged off, his shoulders exposed. He quickly shuffles back and zips his hoody back up to his neck.  
  
“I’m sorry- this, this really isn’t what it looks-” Jackson begins to panic, his voice too loud and Jaebum shuffles uncomfortable in his sleep. Jinyoung slaps a palm on Jackson’s mouth and drags him out of the room. They head up towards the roof where Jinyoung finally lets go of Jackson with a loud huff.  
  
“Explain. Now.” Jinyoung mutters, the anger and fear running rampant in his vein, his heart thudding and the Mark on his arm burning.  
  
“I’m sorr- I just- I got too curious,” Jackson mutters into his hands, he begins to pace. Jinyoung watches him with narrowed eyes. “I’m sorry, okay, I wasn’t trying to do anything...horrible.”  
  
Jinyoung closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Stop, and explain Jackson, what were you trying to do?”  
  
Jackson does stop, his side to Jinyoung and takes a long breath. “I wanted to see your arm.”  
  
The words take a while to hit Jinyoung, but when they do it comes in like a slam. “Why?”  
  
“I saw it...your Mark,” He declares. “When you fainted in the bathroom, your sleeves were rolled up.”  
  
Jinyoung’s eyes widen in utter shock. “And Jaebum?”  
  
“No, no, he didn’t see them, I pulled them down before he came.”  
  
Jinyoung swallows down hard and brushes a shaking hand through his hair, “So you knew all this time and didn’t say anything?”  
  
“I didn’t think...you wanted anyone to know, you just- you kept it hidden,” Jackson goes to sit onto the sun bed, his head in his hands. “I- I just wanted to talk to you about it but tonight, I just gave in, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t imagine it, I mean what if you lied about it when I asked you?”  
  
“You had no right.” Jinyoung seethes between his teeth, his hands clenched into fists.  
  
“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay? I just….wanted someone to talk to.” Jackson pitifully whines into his hands and shook his head.  
  
“About what exactly?”  
  
Jackson looks up then, his eyebrows slanted in worry, he didn’t say anything for a long while and Jinyoung was beginning to grow impatient. Eventually Jackson shifts and gets up to his feet. “This.” Is all he says when he goes to lifts his t-shirt, and then his vest, and reveals his belly button. And just laid upon his faint abs, was a perfect charcoal symbol of a single swirl.  
  
Jinyoung stumbles back, his legs gone weak for a moment. He presses a palm to his lips as his eyes dug daggers into the mark on Jackson’s stomach. “W-what does that mean? It looks exactly like-”  
  
“Like the one on your arm?” Jackson finishes and nods, dropping his t-shirt back down. “I know, that’s why I wanted to talk to you, I needed to see your mark again.”  
  
“Wait, wait, you don’t know who your match is?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Jinyoung takes a deep breath, “It’s not me.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“It’s not me, Jackson,” Jinyoung sighs and goes to unzip his hoodie, and shrugs it off. He feels cold, even though the air was faintly warm, he hadn’t been this physically exposed in a long time. When he turns his arm, he reveals the three marks on his skin.  
  
“Just because you have three and I have one, how can you be so sure?”  
  
Jinyoung sighs, “Lift up your shirt again.” Jackson follows. “Look, you have one large one that spins clockwise and laps over three times, I have three but they spin counterclockwise and lap over two times.” Jackson still didn't look convinced.  
  
“When did you get yours?”  
  
“Just before you arrived.”  
  
“Where?”  
  
“At a rave,” He bashfully admits.  
  
Jinyoung sighs in relief, “Mine was at an intersection in Gangnam. It couldn’t have been you.”  
  
Jackson lets the information sit in before he nods. Jinyoung looks at him with sympathy and knows how he must be feeling. “Look, we’ll talk about this another time maybe, let’s go get some rest.”  
  
Jackson just nods and nods, like a sad puppy. The two of them head back to the room, where Jaebum peacefully continues to snore and settle back into their futon.  
  
Jinyoung, however, doesn’t manage to fall asleep. He just lies there staring out at the rising sun in the horizon from their bedroom window and thinks. He had felt an odd wave of relief when he found out Jackson wasn’t his match. Not out of some form of dissatisfaction for Jackson but it was like the adrenaline rush that comes before the dip down on a roller coaster ride. Despite some kind of resolution Jinyoung had come to earlier in the day, he hadn’t realised how incredibly frightening the prospect of finding his soulmate was.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Their visit to the beach had become some sort of daydream after the weeks pasts, none of them had really brought up any of the topics that were discussed back then. Although there were some significant changes, like how close Jaebum had become to Jinyoung, how he’d tell him everything now;how his day went, who he saw, who he spoke to. Jinyoung didn’t dislike it, it was odd watching Jaebum’s facial expression shift from amused to disgusted to joyful all in one moment compared to his constant taunting expressions from before. Jinyoung begins to seriously enjoy Jaebum’s presence.  
  
Jackson, on the other hand, has begun to drift. Not away from them, but into himself. He was constantly in thought, his eyes glazed over, and if his lack of concentration was bad before, now it was almost non existent. Jinyoung had tried to talk to him privately several times but it seems now Jackson was the one avoiding the topic now.  
  
Back on Jeju family, neighbours, classmates were all the same thing, everyone knew each other and treated each other comfortably. Jinyoung didn’t need to worry about anything back then but passing exams and seasonal changes affecting his time swimming.  
  
Now in Seoul it seems that new worries in their hundreds would begin to grow like vines uprooting and growing around Jinyoung from his ankle to his chest, tightening and suffocating him.  
  
He’s in a daze waiting outside school again. It’d become a habit now, for him and Jaebum (sometimes Jackson) to walk home together. But it seems it’s always Jinyoung leaving first and waiting while Jaebum gets caught in a net of squabbling students and nagging teachers. It took a while for Jinyoung to realise, though, that Jaebum was far more friendly and outgoing then Jinyoung thought he was. To which Jinyoung found his busy-body and rough personality a chore, other people saw it as a funny, outgoing and boisterous. People were comfortable around him.  
  
Jinyoung remembers when people were comfortable around him, everyone seemed to want to talk to him back in Jeju just for pleasantries. Now it’s like people only talk to him for certain reasons, for personal motivations, but most people just don’t talk to him. Which is why he’s secretly thankful for Jackson and Jaebum. It would seem the solemn, cold life wasn’t for Jinyoung. He had grown up under too much sun, warmth flowed in his vein and all he’s been trying to do is freeze it and make everything stop.  
  
A purr softly carries Jinyoung out of his tumbling thoughts, he looks around him and ahead for the source of the sound but there’s nothing, no one there but him and floating blossom petals. A small meow comes then and Jinyoung looks up behind him, perched on top of the white brick wall a small brown and white patched cat, eyeing Jinyoung with a curious glint in its eyes.  
  
Jinyoung takes an index finger upwards and lets the cat sniff it before it bows its head and allows him to stroke it, he has to stretch his arm to reach. The cat snuffs and shakes its head before rising to its legs, it crouches towards Jinyoung with an expectant look. Jinyoung blinks, “You want me to pick you up?” It meows, as if in response and Jinyoung finds himself smiling as he gently picks the cat up from beneath its legs. It’s light, too light to be fully grown, also too clean for a street cat, and then Jinyoung catches the collar on it’s neck. “You belong to someone? Where’d you go off to?” He whispers quietly.  
  
The cat curls up in his arms, it’s front paws and head scratching against his school jumper with rigorous purrs. Jinyoung takes a finger to its ear and scratches it, he finds his voice soft and low when he speaks to it, “Are you lost too?”  
  
The cat looks up at him for a moment, its eyes wide, and Jinyoung, for a still, crazy moment, thinks it’s going to respond to him before it quickly swivels its head around. Jinyoung looks up and finds Jaebum standing at the entrance gate, a couple of steps away.  
  
“Have you been there the whole time?” Jinyoung asks, trying to hide his embarrassment as he settles the cat onto the ground, and watches it bob away.  
  
Jaebum doesn’t respond for a moment, before opening his mouth, “Ah-” He closes his eyes and then laughs awkwardly. “I dazed out for a moment. Think it’s contagious.”  
  
Jinyoung quirks an eyebrow at him, “I don’t daze out.”  
  
“You daze out.”  
  
“I don’t-”  
  
“You daze out,” Jaebum snorts and takes a step closer to him. “And I know because I’m always the one dragging you out of it.”  
  
“I’d prefer the term ‘in thought’,” Jinyoung says with a tilt of his head and goes to meet Jaebum at the side. Jaebum laughs at that one, and Jinyoung doesn’t hold back when a smile naturally grows on his face too.  
  
“So you can handle animals but you can’t handle kids?” Jaebum asks as they start making their way down the path.  
  
“There are a lot of cats on Jeju, well around me anyway, they’re simple to handle when you get the hang of it,” Jinyoung lightly says, he’s looking ahead, he can almost hear the sound of the waves in the distance. Jaebum’s looking at him again with a quizzical stare. “Anyway, kids are loud, obnoxious, ignorant and incredibly frustrating, and I have enough of that from you.”  
  
“Sssssss…!” Jaebum clutches his heart dramatically and bends over. “That one hurt me Mr Park, it really did.”  
  
Jinyoung bursts out in a short laugh and continues walking on, leaving Jaebum behind with his theatrics. A burst of wind hits then, it’s mildly warm but harsh and Jinyoung can just see the hurricane of flower petals hurtling towards him. He spits as one even gets into his mouth, and he can hear Jaebum’s laughter in the background.  
  
“That wasn’t nearly as romantic as it should have been,” Jaebum snorts after he quickly catches up. “Honestly are you filming a drama or something, first the cat, now this…” Jaebum trails off as he taps on Jinyoung’s shoulder to stop and then reaches a hand out to Jinyoung’s hair, he picks off petals, Jinyoung watching them flutter from Jaebum’s hand one at a time. He’s not really focusing on them though, his eyes have somehow caught onto the beauty spots above Jaebum’s eyes again, and he’s staring, staring hard and for some reason not very conscious of it.  
  
Jaebum’s eyes flicker towards Jinyoung’s but then back to his hair several times like he knows and doesn’t know how to react. Jinyoung, unnaturally thinks he’s being a little cute, but mostly odd. Usually Jaebum would make a snide remark right-  
  
He ruffles Jinyoung’s hair, hard and rough with both hands. “There! All gone!” He cheers with a mischievous type of smile and Jinyoung is looking up from under a dishevelled fringe with murder in his eyes.  
  
“Do you know how long it takes me to style this?” Jinyoung snaps, running his fingers quickly through his hair.  
  
“Excuse me, you should be thanking me, you look less like a christmas tree and just more...like a tree?” Jaebum smiles brightly, all teeth before taking a turn and dashing ahead.  
  
Jinyoung suddenly thinks of Jeju then, the bright sun, the beach in the distance, walking home from school with his friends. The group of them would always play small pranks on each other, especially on their friend Sanghyuk, just because his reactions were the greatest, with screams that could reach the heavens. And they’d run, run and run and run as fast as possible, because they were being chased, but mostly because they could, because of the ocean wind through the hair, because it felt free.  
  
So as Jinyoung watches Jaebum’s back run into the distance, Jinyoung’s feet almost move on instinct, and he runs too. Runs to catch up and runs because he can, because why not?

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Jaebum’s shouting something and Jinyoung’s shouting something back, both of them inaudible to the other but they can at least make out their laughs. They’re quickly losing breath though and Jinyoung only finally manages to catch up to Jaebum after he finds him in an alleyway between a cafe and a restaurant, bending over to catch his breath.  
  
“Don’t you think-” Jinyoung wheezes, his steps slowing to a trudge. “That you took this too seriously?”  
  
Jaebum still manages to chuckle between his own gasps, “Funny...coming from you.” He turns around, his face bright and red, Jinyoung almost thought he was glowing. “You chased me so- so passionately. I wasn’t expecting that.” He crouches further down, but in laughter now. Jinyoung lowers his head, crouches down and puts his head into his hands.  
  
Jaebum blinks up from his laughter, his smile fading quickly and he makes a quick dash to Jinyoung. “Hey, Jinyoung, you okay?” He quietly and worriedly asks, he goes to move Jinyoung’s hand when he see’s Jinyoung’s shoulders shake. “Jinyoung!” He calls out and goes to press his palms on either side of Jinyoung face. “Are you okay? Is it another a-” He stops abruptly, shocked when he sees Jinyoung’s face, tears in his eyes, cheeks flushed and his lip quivering from the laughter he seems to be containing inside him.  
  
“I really- chased you so- I chased with so much effort,” He cracks up and laughs so loud Jaebum jolts back onto the ground, large eyes blinking. “I was so intent on catching you!” Jinyoung cries into his hand, the laughter coming out in cracks.  
  
Jaebum snorts hard and sighs, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh so hard.”  
  
Jinyoung looks up, realising he should be probably feel a little embarrassed but something quickly takes his attention, over Jaebum’s shoulder at the end of the alleyway is a group of boys in a familiar green uniform, one that didn’t belong to their school. Jinyoung’s laughter pops like a bubble and his face drops. Jaebum catches it, his eyebrows stitching together before he decides to look over his own shoulder and then his face contorts in worry.  
  
“Shit, shit, get up, get up, we got to go,” Jaebum scrambles to his feet and tries to quickly drag Jinyoung up to his but it’s too late.  
  
“Oh, who is this...,” A thick voice beckons, Jinyoung instantly recognizes the group of boys’ faces as those who had beat Jaebum up a couple of months ago. “What sort of present is this boys?”  
  
Jaebum groans deep in his throat, unconsciously standing in front of Jinyoung. “Come on now Seunghoon...you can’t still be upset about Eunji right?” Jaebum playfully taunts, and Jinyoung can’t tell if Jaebum was trying to ignite something or puff it out.  
  
Seunghoon licks his lip and stretches out his jaw, an offended look on his face. “She hasn’t come back to me despite how much I...seem to persist, so what do you think?”  
  
“Hmmm…” Jaebum grins a little. “That you’re not very good in bed?”  
  
“Jaebum-” Jinyoung hisses but Jaebum has somehow snaked his hand behind his back, and blindly latched onto Jinyoung’s hand, his fingers curling into Jinyoung’s hand tightly.  
  
Seunghoon laughs out loud, and goes to kick a bottle laid idle on the side and then as if a thought dawns on him, he looks up and sees Jinyoung. “Oh- oh! Look who it is.”  
  
“Fuck.” Jaebum mutters under his breath.  
  
“I really appreciated your heroic move the other time,” Seunghoon smiles icily at Jinyoung but it took a lot more than a reflection of himself to scare Jinyoung. “I mean really, I could almost hear the sirens now.”  
  
“Your fault for being so gullible,” Jinyoung throws back nonchalantly.  
  
“Shut up Jinyoung.” Jaebum warns.  
  
Seunghoon licks his lips again and nods, “Hmmm,.” He narrows his eyes. “What a lovely friendship, I’m almost jealous.” He sighs deeply then and then looks to the boys around him, and gives one flick of his chin, and they’re all on them.  
  
“Caught your breath?” Jaebum says quickly.  
  
“What?”  
  
Jaebum swivels, Jinyoung’s hand still in his, and looks Jinyoung dead in the eye, “Run!” He demands and Jinyoung doesn’t even pause to think before he’s swivelling on his heels too and they’re making a quick exit out of the alley way.  
  
Jaebum, still holding onto Jinyoung, quickly says, “Go left, I’ll go right, when you’re sure you’ve lost them, meet me at the park beside my place. Got it?” Jaebum says and Jinyoung almost trips, bewildered by the amused expression on Jaebum’s face. “Jinyoung, you got it!?”  
  
Jinyoung can only nod before Jaebum let’s go of his hand and they both split.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
When the two of them parted, Seunghoon’s boys had too, two chasing Jinyoung and three chasing Jaebum. Jinyoung, had managed to lose them twice before they found him again. Unfortunately for him, he just didn’t know the roads around here as well as they must have, as well as Jaebum must, so most of his running involves a lot of the same alleyways and running past the same market stalls with elderly people screaming as Jinyoung dashes between them. He dropped one apple, he mentally promised to come back and pay back the old man for it when his life wasn’t in immediate danger.  
  
Jinyoung can’t tell for how long he’s been running or where he’s turned to but his legs are getting weak and the breath is short and cold in his lungs. He’s lost them a third time, and hopefully a final time before a familiar supermarket comes into his sight, he recognizes it because if he were to take a right after it, Jaebum’s families chicken shop would be at the end of the road. So that would mean the park was just straight ahead. But his body is begging for a rest and Jinyoung seriously thinks he can’t pick his feet up again until Jaebum’s determined and mildly amused expression pops into his head, and it makes him push and push, until he catches sight of the familiar railing poking out the side of the road. He’d made it.  
  
Jinyoung had only been here once with Jaebum and Jackson before; when they went to grab ice cream (because Jackson was craving some) and played idly on some of the sets (because Jackson insisted), although Jinyoung had opted just for the swings at the time. He thought not even his own memory was good enough to find this park again, but he had, and his victory is short-lived when he enters it and it’s pitch dark and quiet, Jaebum nowhere in sight.  
  
His hearts thudding violently; thoughts running through his mind in one second and all of them end in Jaebum beaten half to death near a trash bin. The image makes his stomach churn and his breathing hikes up, he knows this feeling, he was- a sudden _pssst_ sound startles Jinyoung then.  
  
Jinyoung turns around, looking back down at the path, thinking he was followed but it wasn’t them. The sound comes again and then from inside the jungle gym, a two piece structure connected by a tube with a small window, Jinyoung see’s a hand waving frantically. He runs up quickly and bends down onto his knees, inside the tube, Jaebum is crouched tightly together, his knees bent into his chest.  
  
“Come in quickly,” Jaebum beckons and Jinyoung goes on all fours, the two barely fit inside and Jinyoung has to press himself up against Jaebum and tuck his legs in to be able to feel mildly comfortable. “What took you so long?”  
  
Jaebum’s breath is hot and close, and Jinyoung can almost feel it crawl under his jumper and down his spine. “I-I got lost.” He admits, bashfully and a little distracted.  
  
“Oh.” Jaebum says. “I forgot you don’t know this place well enough yet.”  
  
“It’s fine, I made it here fine, I think” Jinyoung whispers, staring down at his torn up hands. Jaebum grabs them quickly to inspect them, holding Jinyoung’s wrist up to him.  
  
“What happened?”  
  
“Turned too quickly, slammed into a brick wall,” Jinyoung explains, his voice low. He looks up at Jaebum and finds a cut by his eye, then it’s his turn for his hands to fly.  
  
“What happened to you?” Jinyoung asks, his finger hovering over the bruising wound. Jaebum instinctively closes his eyes from Jinyoung’s finger, and then they’re too aware of how close they are, their arms entangled in each other’s legs. Jinyoung’s breathing becomes heavier, and Jaebum seems to swallow something down before talking.  
  
“I got caught…” He whispers, his lips barely moving. “For a moment. I managed to get away though.” He says and for a fraction of a moment, Jinyoung thinks he sees Jaebum tilt his head into Jinyoung’s hovering hand, and he can’t tell if he’s more shocked at the fact Jaebum seems willing to nuzzle his cheek into Jinyoung’s palm, or that his heart is thumping so fast in anticipation of him doing it. No, it was that Jinyoung wanted it.  
  
There’s the sound of several footsteps then and loud huffing, someone’s shouting. Jinyoung and Jaebum stiffen instantly in shock, their bodies tense as the voices get closer and clearer.  
  
“I can’t tell if they ran this way or down the other way,” Someone huffs, annoyed.  
  
“Seunghoon’s going to kill us,” Someone else whines.  
  
“Honestly, it was obvious from the beginning Eunji didn’t want to be with him,” A tut. “Whatever, let’s go home, I’m hungry and this is pointless. You guys can go look further up if you’re piss scared of Seunghoon that much.”  
  
There’s a bunch of grumbling that eventually turns to silence.  
  
“Are they go-” Jinyoung tries to ask but Jaebum is quick to slap a palm onto his mouth. Jinyoung looks up at him silent, and Jaebum brings a finger to his lips and then he turns slowly, into the window of the tube and peers through it. There’s a long, silent moment, till Jinyoung can feel Jaebum relax.  
  
“They’re gone…” Jaebum says louder now, unnaturally in such a secluded place. He turns away from the window and quickly brings his hand away, as if he had forgotten it was there. He’s rubbing his palm consciously as he looks up at Jinyoung.  
  
Jinyoung clears his throat, “Was Eunji the girl you…?”  
  
Jaebum looks at Jinyoung then and seems to contemplate something, “I didn’t do anything with her.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“She’s a neighbour, childhood friend, she was telling me Seunghoon was bothering her so I opted to be a...uhm, well anyway, now he doesn’t bother her but bothers me.” He admits with pink cheeks.  
  
Jinyoung tries very hard to bite back a smile, “You could have just said that to my my mum when she mended you up.”  
  
“I know….I just panicked or something.”  
  
Jinyoung nods and goes to rest his head back into the tube, “I think that’s enough running for the year.” He sighs, his heart still thumping hard despite the fact he had caught his breath.  
  
“You can say that again…come on, we should get going.” Jaebum says.  
  
Jinyoung nods, but none of them seems to make the effort to leave, or even move for that matter. Jinyoung, in some form of light-headed horror realises he likes the closeness, but eventually Jaebum moves and as he crawls out of one end of the tube, Jinyoung sits for a brief moment, disliking just how cold he feels.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Jinyoung gets home later than usual, and he tries to do it quietly but his Mother is coming down the stairs the moment he’s inching the door open. She gives him a long, hard look before nodding towards the living room, “Your food is waiting.”  
  
Jinyoung gives her a sheepish look and heads towards the living room, his food is set out on the kitchen island. His mother makes her way to the sofa, returning to the idle TV playing a rerun of a drama.  
  
“So why were you late?” She asks eventually and Jinyoung feels the rice stick to his throat as he tries to swallow it.  
  
“I was with...Jaebum, just kind of lost track of time, sorry,” He says into his food, feeling the tension between them ride for a long moment before his mother sighs heavily.  
  
“I like him, that Jaebum, he has a...brightness to him,” Jinyoung’s mother says, and Jinyoung inwardly thinks _I think so too_.  
  
She continues, “We should go to his family's shop, bring some food over and greet his parents, they probably need something else to eat than chicken everyday.” She says it with serious worry in her voice, and Jinyoung laughs a little because he can almost imagine her faintly lined face pouting.  
  
“They probably don’t eat chicken everyday Mum,” Jinyoung chuckles and crunches energetically on a piece of onion.  
  
“Probably, right?” She says with a bemused smile, looking over her shoulder at Jinyoung and Jinyoung tries not to spit out laughing again. “Eat, eat, don’t choke.” She laughs lightly and settles back into the sofa.  
  
Jinyoung stares at the back of his mother’s head for a moment, taking more rice to his mouth, and thoughtfully chews for a while before taking in a deep breath. “Mum…”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“If I ask you a question can you promise not to overthink it?”  
  
His mother visibly stiffens for a moment and then goes to turn the volume down on the TV, “Maybe, the over thinking isn’t really something a person can shut off.”  
  
Jinyoung nods, “I was just curious...what’s it like...living without your soulmate but knowing they exist?”  
  
She sighs a heavier kind of sigh that Jinyoung knows it means she doesn’t want to think about it. “I guess it’s that time of age where they start teaching you this stuff in school.” She says, and then shuffles around in the sofa, propping her chin on the back.  
  
She blinks once, twice, collecting her thoughts. “I was...obsessed at first, searching through the hospital at the time, it was a starting place. But after the first couple of months, I was proving to be a little bit of a problem, I had been banned.” She laughs at the memory. “It’s always on your mind but it fades after a while, the curiosity, the kind of empty ache like you should be searching for them but how could you? Back then wasn’t like now, you don’t have internet, connections, there are databases now to find each other but back then when you lost them, you lost them.” She says it with a whimsical tone, like she was reading a bedtime story. “Or maybe I just wasn’t meant to find mine.”  
  
Jinyoung feels his insides ache, he wonders again if he was going to turn out like her, thinking about a person long and far, thinking about a person that exists in nothing but a mere word… _soulmate_. She didn’t live a sad life, Jinyoung thinks, but he also wonders if she’d be happier if she found them.  
  
She stares at him with a soft expression, “Don’t look like that my Jinyoungie, I’m not upset, like I said it fades. Besides I wouldn’t have had you in my life if I had met them.” She breathes shakily for a moment. “What happened...with your father was...ugly, and very human. And that’s all we are in the end, no mark on your body can change that.” She says it, looks at him in a way that makes him want to tell her, that she’d be okay with it, but it was frightening. The words wouldn’t come out.  
  
“You were happy...with dad?”  
  
She smiles wistfully and then looks away for a moment, “I was...he had made me realise that I don’t need a soulmate to fall in love and be happy, I didn’t need a soulmate to have you.”  
  
Jinyoung nods, his food seemingly permanently stuck in his throat. “And Jinyoung,” She continues. “I want you to know that no matter who you love, whether it’d be your soulmate, a girl or...a boy, I’m still here. Don’t be afraid.” She says it quietly, and in some underlying hidden whisper, Jinyoung realises that she knows. She’s always known.  
  
She smiles again, this time brighter and fuller, and then turns away to go back to the television. Jinyoung shakingly puts his chopsticks back onto the counter and stares at his barely touched food. He takes a deep breath, “Mum…”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Let’s eat dinner together tomorrow.”

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
It’s in the dead of night, once again, when Jackson decides to rudely and abruptly wake up Jinyoung. This time, though, it’s through the phone. Jinyoung groans, the blue light drowning the room and the buzzing insistent and berating, threatening to buzz right off the desk where it’s settled on and charging. Jinyoung turns around in his bed and half flops off it, he crawls for a moment and then climbs onto his desk chair.  
  
The orange of the desk lamp blinds him momentarily, and through thin eyes, Jinyoung reads the caller ID and groans loudly. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jinyoung mutters, checking the time, it read: 03:50. Jinyoung contemplates hanging up for a long, hard second but refusing Jackson never came without its consequences. So he presses on the green button and brings it to his ear.  
  
“What the ever loving fuck do you want?” Jinyoung says through a clenched jaw.  
  
“Jinyoung!” Jackson cheers, loud. Jinyoung flinches. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”  
  
“I _wasn’t_ awake,” He hisses, and then he pauses for a moment, thinking he hasn’t heard Jackson this cheerful in a while.  
  
“Look, I’m sorry about the time but I just, I really have to talk to you,” Jackson jumpily says. “I found them!”  
  
“Found who?”  
  
“Them. _Them_ ,” Jackson says as if it were the most obvious thing.  
  
“Jackson I have just woken up, and barely 1% of my brain is functioning,” Jinyoung grumbles into his palm. “Explain in details.”  
  
“My soulmate,” He says quickly. “I found them, Jinyoung! I really did! I just got a message and they want to meet up tomo-”  
  
“Woah, woah, woah,” Jinyoung puts his palm out, suddenly awake. “What? How- Message? Can you please start from the beginning?”  
  
As Jinyoung massages his temples, Jackson takes a moment to collect himself, with several deep breaths and apparently some vocal exercises. Jinyoung was going to kill him the next time he sees him.  
  
“Well, you know, I’ve been kind of thinking about it for a really long time-”  
  
Jinyoung rolls his eyes, “I couldn’t tell.”  
  
“Anyway, after you know at the beach, finding out about you, I had this powerful need to find them. Like I just had to, it was driving me mad, and basically I kept searching the internet on information and stuff like, in our day and age? How can there not be any help now on how to find them? Right? Right!” Jackson claps, Jinyoung can almost imagine him putting Jinyoung in loud speaker so he could explain with all the unnecessary hand actions.”I found this site...Jinyoung...that helps you find your soulmate.”  
  
That one throws Jinyoung off, “What?”  
  
“Yes! Yes! It’s a site, where you put your Mark like give it a profile, a picture, and then tag it with stuff like make it easier for others to search up,” Jackson explains, and Jinyoung only seems to feel more bewildered. He never thought about it, even though it’d make so much sense. “When I first found it I tried to search for anyone else that might have posted a picture of theirs that matched mine, but I couldn’t. I mean some of my online friends told me most people are scared to put it up first so I decided, I’m either going to die never knowing and regret not trying, or die- no wait, anyway, I did it! And- and they just messaged me now with a picture of theirs on the top of their arm, I think it’s a girl, I can’t tell but we’re meeting tomorrow, and I just- I’m sorry I needed to tell someone!”  
  
Jinyoung shakes his head,” No-no it’s fine, Jackson, I understand. But how can you be so sure they’re real? They could have you know faked the image...or something.” There was something daunting...about Jackson finding his soulmate, and getting results. Jinyoung had never made an effort, he thought it was inevitable that he’d never find them, but he had never _tried_ in the first place.  
  
“I know, I know, even I’m not that dumb...maybe. I asked them where they got theirs form, and they told me a rave! It was the same place as me Jinyoung! It has to be them!” His voice sounded shaky but Jinyoung could feel the excitement bubbling inside him through the phone.  
  
“Congratulations Jackson, I’m happy for you…” Jinyoung says, and he means it, but it came with an anxious feeling.  
  
“Thanks-” Jackson is stopped abruptly by the sound of a door banging.  
  
“Jackson!?” An elderly woman’s voice bursts through the receiver. “What time do you think it is for you be to be shouting so loud? Hm?”  
  
“Gr-grandma...I’m sorry, it’s impor-”  
  
“Go to bed! How old are you already?” She tuts and Jackson whimpers.  
  
“Sorry Jinyoung, got to go, but hey you should try out the site too! I’ll text it to you, okay? Night!” Jackson quickly says and then hangs up, not letting Jinyoung get a word through. Jinyoung looks at his phone in a daze and slowly places it on the desk, his chest feeling heavy.  
  
A minute later Jackson texts a URL and Jinyoung stares at it for a good ten minutes before turning his laptop on and deciding with shaky fingers to open the site. The first thing he sees is white, bright white, it was a simple website, with the word ‘MARKED’ written in English in the centre. Jinyoung could hardly make any sense of the site before catching the American flag in the corner, there he clicks on it and scrolls until he finds South Korea. The site changes then to comfortable Hangul characters and Jinyoung finds himself surfing through the site comfortably.  
  
There’s a home page, things about the community, information about what the Marks are, FAQ’s, then there’s a link for ‘pictures’, in there is a collection of pictures taken of people’s Marks. Jinyoung scrolls fast, going through hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of photos, so many and just from South Korea, so many _unfound_. There was even a picture dated from fourteen years ago, the caption updated last year; _still searching_. It made him feel nauseous.  
  
Jinyoung then remembers what Jackson said about tags, and goes to click on the search bar, there he types: “three identical swirls.” It takes a long moment for him to hit enter and when he does, he feels dizzy at the thirty seven results that pop up for him, he then clicks the ‘world wide’ option and see’s the pictures multiply by four thousand. It shocks him, upsets him even, and quickly he closes the tab and shuts his laptop.  
  
He stares out onto his desk for a long moment, and he thinks of Jaebum, with his beauty spots like snake bites nestled onto the soft skin just above his eye, and he thinks of his mother's words; _you don’t have to find your soulmate to be happy._

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
“What are you thinking about?” Jaebum’s soft voice trickles into Jinyoung’s head like a faucet purposefully left open. Jinyoung looks away from the window where he painted his thoughts onto the clear blue sky, and wished he could leave them there.  
  
Jaebum is sitting in the seat in front of him, his elbow perched onto Jinyoung’s desk. Jinyoung contemplates how long he can stare at Jaebum without him questioning it, but decides against it. “When did you get here?”  
  
“Like two minutes ago, when break rang, but by looking at your opened textbook, I’m guessing you weren’t paying attention,” Jaebum scoffs and Jinyoung blinks down from Jaebum into his untouched and open textbook, he wasn’t even on the right page.  
  
“Ah,” Is all he says, shutting his textbook slowly and tucking it away into his desk. “I’m not really in the concentrating mood today.”  
  
“Please, you’ve been in a daze since you came to Seoul, but it’s extra worse today, what’s on your mind?” Jaebum leans in closer, fluttering his eyelashes in anticipation.  
  
Jinyoung scowls, “Are you always going to be this persistent?”  
  
“Everyday of your life.”  
  
“I was just thinking about Jackson…” Jinyoung admits, and Jaebum’s face drops as a result.  
  
He leans back and huffs, “That’s not what I wanted to hear.”  
  
“You know, right? About how he met his...Match last week?” Jinyoung says with reluctance, for some reason he didn’t like bringing up the topic with Jaebum.  
  
“Oh that...yeah, hasn’t been able to keep a grin off his face all week,” Jaebum grumbles.  
  
“Why do you look so unhappy?”  
  
“Because what’s the point? I already told you before there’s no point in those marks, they don’t mean anything. People should belong to themselves, not some pre-made red string bullshit.” Jaebum snaps, and then catches himself, as if he had exposed too much. But Jinyoung simply didn’t understand what was rattling away in Jaebum’s head. “What I’m trying to say that...what’s the point, especially at this age to be wrapped around something as planned as fate, doesn’t that just make us puppets?”  
  
“Does it?” Jinyoung thinks about it but then stops himself, he felt like this was a topic Jaebum would be stubborn about. “Nevermind-”  
  
“Jinyoung, say it,” Jaebum presses. “I want to hear your opinion.”  
  
“I just- I don’t know, is it following fate if we meet our soulmate? And it’s not if we don’t? Is that what you’re saying?” Jinyoung asks, and Jaebum stills slightly, his eyes looking around the room in thought.  
  
“...I don’t know but isn’t there a stigma, that if you meet your soulmate, you have to stay with them?” He says, and Jinyoung’s listening seriously but his eyes seem to have caught onto Jaebum’s eye lids, his long eyelashes and the once comical tilt of his eyebrows now looked so soft. “What do you think?”  
  
Jinyoung shifts and looks down at his desk, “I wonder...I think they can leave just as much as any couple can break up, it’ll be painful, no matter what.”  
  
“So what about you then? Do you want to find your soulmate?” Jaebum suddenly asks, and it startles Jinyoung.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I mean...if you ever got to...you know…” Jaebum clears his throat awkwardly, taking a hand to scratch the back of his neck.  
  
“I don’t know, I guess, I mean wouldn’t anyone be curious? Wouldn’t you?”  
  
Jaebum looks at Jinyoung for a moment, searching Jinyoung’s eyes for something but he gives up quickly and shrugs, “At a point I thought no, I don’t want to, but these days I’m thinking differently.” Jaebum’s chewing his lip and Jinyoung’s watching him do it with a fiery concentration he’d been missing throughout class. It isn’t till he starts talking again does Jinyoung manage to collect his composure. “Either way, nothing good comes from it.” He repeats it with a stubborn look and Jinyoung wants to say _you look like you’re trying to convince yourself_ but Jinyoung’s learnt to keep whatever thoughts he has about Jaebum to himself.  
  
Dark, dull clouds catch Jinyoung’s attention from the corner of his eyes, from the his seat on the fourth floor Jinyoung could see it impending over the clean blue sky like a thick blanket. It makes him think of his childhood, a lonely single child trying to make play with the things around him because other children were busy with their own siblings. He’d make tents out of blankets, light it up with his father’s torches and put a poster of the galaxy he had got from a book and stick it to the top with cellotape. He’d pretend he was an astronaut travelling the stars and the planets, that the loneliness he felt was just the infinite blackness of the universe and that he was floating in a light stillness - there were no sounds in space, and there was no sounds in his tent. Occasionally though he’d be visited by a lone astronaut, sometimes find a stray human, an abandoned ship, an alien...his father.  
  
Then Jinyoung’s thinking of that day at the library, where he had avoided home because it’d become a natural thing to be uncomfortable in one place where you were meant to find comfort. Seen his father through the window, the sun bright, the clouds impeding, his father’s smile, her smile, their hands far apart from each other but interlocked within their own as if they didn’t need to touch. They didn’t need to touch to seem happy.  
  
“Maybe soulmates aren’t so bad,” Jinyoung mumbles unconsciously, his eyes tracing the edges of the clouds as they crawl their way towards the sun like a child being put to bed. “It’s going to rain.”  
  
“Jinyoung?” Someone calls out and it’s jarring because the voice doesn’t belong to Jaebum. He swivels his head around, catching Jaebum’s stare for a moment before looking up at the pole standing beside him. It was Seungjun.  
  
“Ah-” Jinyoung dumbly says, he was caught off guard. “Hi?”  
  
“Hey,” He smiles bright and blinding and goes to scratch the back of his head as if shy. “Do you know where Jiwon is by chance?”  
  
Jinyoung goes blank, he was really having an off day. “She said she was going to grab some food.” Jaebum answers instead. Seungjun nods, a little unhappy like a wounded puppy, and then he turns and goes to sit back onto his own desk.  
  
Jinyoung stares at him for a long moment, remembering how cool and proud he had been exposing his Mark in class, and then something suddenly dawns on him. “Is Jiwon the one that sits in front of me?” Jinyoung asks.  
  
Jaebum’s face drops, “You can’t be serious.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“She’s been sitting in front of you for half the year and you don’t even know her name?”  
  
“Ah, it’s just we’ve never really spoken and-” Jinyoung falters on his words, he felt ashamed for some reason.  
  
“Have you always been like this?” Jaebum seriously asks, and Jinyoung gives him a stare, he doesn’t know if he should feel hurt by the question.  
  
“Like what?” Jinyoung mutters, leaning back, he’s playing with the edges of his text book.  
  
“Shut off, cold, like you don’t care-”  
  
“I care,” Jinyoung sighs. “Of course I care, I’m not made of ice.”  
  
“No, I know you aren’t, it’s just sometimes...you’re hard to read.” Jaebum thoughtfully says, his hand laid out onto the desk.  
  
“Better than being an open book,” Jinyoung replies, his eyes tracing the lines on Jaebum’s palm.  
  
“Is it?” Jaebum asks, gazing at Jinyoung with a look in his eye Jinyoung couldn’t read. _You’re so so hard to read._ “I’d prefer you to be an open book.” Jinyoung doesn’t know how to respond, and Jaebum shakes his head. “Nevermind, just, why were you asking about Jiwon?”  
  
Jinyoung remembers, “Ah I was just thinking about Seungjun, back when he was talking about his Mark he looked over here, I’ve always been curious why but I guess it’s because of her.”  
  
“Jiwon?”  
  
“Yeah, I think they’re a match.” Jinyoung says, playing his chin into his head. “But I can’t really be sure.”  
  
Jaebum looks bewildered, he looks like he wasn’t expecting such a revelation in their conversation, his head flipping to Seungjun and to him several time before he gasps. “Seriously? How did you find out?”  
  
“I don’t know, I just noticed…” Jinyoung shrugs.  
  
“Do you always stare at people? Observing them like you’re trying to understand how they work?” Jaebum asks intently.  
  
Jinyoung feels uncomfortable, “I don’t stare at people.” _I sometimes stare at you._  
  
“You sometimes stare at me,” Jaebum voices his thoughts, and it startles Jinyoung, feeling his cheeks instantly heat up in response. Jaebum finds himself smiling at the sight.  
  
“You stare at me sometimes too,” Jinyoung pouts, annoyed at Jaebum and a little at himself, where had his composure gone?  
  
Jaebum just grins wider and settles back into his seat, his eyelashes flutter for a moment before he says, “I do.”

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
It’s been raining for a week now, on and off, but mostly on. Jinyoung didn’t mind it, it gave him an excuse to wear his jumper despite the temperature rising steadily within the past couple of months. He tried not to think about what he was going to do in the summer. It was already unnatural for him to wear so much layers, even in the Winter, so the Spring had been especially stressful.  
  
It’s raining today too, but the humidity is thick in the air, suffocating almost, rain quick to feel sticky and meld in with the sweat on Jinyoung’s skin. He decided to wear a dark long sleeved shirt underneath his white collared shirt today, it made things cooler but it just made him feel tighter too.  
  
Jackson and him are standing at the entrance of the school, watching in dismay as the rain pummels down mercilessly on the stone path away in front of them.  
  
“Brought an umbrella?” Jinyoung asks with a heavy sigh.  
  
“Nope,” Jackson shakes his head. “You?”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
They both sigh simultaneously.  
  
“Why we looking glum boys?” Jaebum bursts from the back and throws arms around both of their shoulders from behind.  
  
“It’s raining,” Jinyoung deadpans, eyeing the hand on his left, resting idly beside his face.  
  
“So? The cafe isn’t far, we can just run.” Jaebum suggests.  
  
“I thought you had enough of running?” Jinyoung asks with a sly rise of his eyebrow.  
  
Jaebum looks at him and leans in especially close, “Sometimes there are exceptions.”  
  
Jackson clears his throat, garnering their attention. “Uh well...I was actually just planning to go alone,” Jackson awkwardly laughs, a bashful expression. “I’m meeting someone.”  
  
Jaebum scowls and goes to tighten his arm around the back of Jackson’s neck, “You’re abandoning us for a girl?”  
  
“She’s more than just a girl…” Jackson pouts.  
  
“Yeah, yeah she’s your soulmate,” Jaebum surrenders, flinging both palms to walk between them and take a step closer to the rain. “Well it’s on the way home anyway so let’s say…” Jaebum turns around then, a mischievous grin on his face and Jinyoung knows the look. “Last one there buys us pizza tomorrow!” He declares and then dashes, but Jinyoung’s already running, leaving Jackson quickly in the dust.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
They’re huffing harshly, the rain now harder than ever, Jinyoung can feel it soaking through his clothes and spilling into his skin. Jaebum had gotten to the cafe first but quickly took shelter in a closed newspaper stall and Jinyoung quickly followed from behind. Jackson didn’t arrive for another two minutes.  
  
“You guys...suck,” Jackson wheezes, his hair soaked and loose down on his face.  
  
“Deserves you right,” Jaebum smirks, brushing a hand through his own wet hair, Jinyoung could hardly do anything but notice how translucent his shirt had become, exposing his bare arms and his white vest. Jinyoung thinks he’s glad he wore his shirt underneath now.  
  
“Okay, okay I get it, I owe you guys pizza,” Jackson huffs and straightens up, he quickly goes to check the large window panes of the cafe beside them. “Ah!” He jumps, a bright smile spreading across his cheeks, he gives Jinyoung and Jaebum a quick excited look. “She’s inside, I’m going, okay guys?”  
  
Jinyoung nor Jaebum get to say anything before Jackson dashes out again and quickly disappears into the cafe.  
  
Twilight was quickly approaching, the rain now pummeling so hard, they could barely see between the droplets, the air becoming thick with mist and heat, and dampness, Jinyoung found it unbearable.  
  
“I hate this weather,” Jinyoung mumbles and goes to unbutton his collar, tugging down his tie, he felt like he was suffocating.  
  
“Really? I quite like it, a little hot but the rain is cool at least,” Jaebum says with an on looking expression as he stares out onto the clouds. “It’s pretty heavy right now though. We should wait it out.”  
  
Jinyoung frowns, a palm to his chest, he feels it tightening and his heart starts to pick up a pace. “The air is so...heavy.” He breathes shallow, fear suddenly injects into his veins as he realises what this feeling is. He bends down quickly onto his knees.  
  
“What did you say? I can’t hear you over the rain,” Jaebum half-shouts, still looking up at the sky. It’s a moment later, when he doesn’t get a response, does Jaebum bother to turn around.  
  
Jinyoung has his head pressed between his knees tightly, his fingers tugging on his ears as if to tear them off. All he could hear was the irregular sound of his breathing, it kept getting stuck, he couldn’t swallow it down, the rain so loud, so incredibly loud, he thought his head was going to burst any moment.  
  
There’s a soft hand then, it’s damp and cool as it presses against his forehead, forcing Jinyoung’s head out from between his legs. He looks up to find Jaebum crouching in front of him, his slanted eyebrows knitted together in the middle. Jinyoung thinks he’s saying something, he’s moving his lips, but all he can hear is the raggard sound of his wheezing and the awful sound of rain crashing onto hard ground, exploding like millions of tiny fireworks.  
  
Jaebum goes to press both cool palms to either side of Jinyoung’s face, he’s forced him to lean back into the stall, making his head straight. But it’s uncomfortable, his breath coming out in bursts, his chest tightening like his lungs were fighting to be set free. Jaebum says something again but Jinyoung can’t hear it, he closes his eyes, frustration and dizziness blurring his vision.  
  
“Jinyoung,” Jaebum’s voice is suddenly there, close, low and soft. Jinyoung flutters his eyes open, in a daze he sees the rain and Jaebum’s shoulder, his head tucked into Jinyoung’s neck, his lips pressed to his ear. “Jinyoung, I’m going to cover your mouth and nose okay, don’t panic? Okay, just hold your breath, count to ten when I do it, and I’ll let go. Okay?” He instructs and Jinyoung will all his effort tries to force out a word but even a _yes_ can’t seem to slip through. So he nods, it’s light and barely noticeable, but he thinks Jaebum notices it as his cheek brushes against Jaebum’s.  
  
He leans backs then, placing one gentle hand on the nape of Jinyoung’s neck, and then takes the other cautiously to Jinyoung’s nose, pinching it close and goes to press his palm to his lips. Jinyoung for a brief moment, smells the scent of salt and instantly sees the sea when he closes his eyes; he counts the waves that come in, one...two...three…  
  
Jaebum lets go, Jinyoung gasps for a moment, his heart slowing but the air still clogging his chest like rust on a bike chain. The wrinkles between Jaebum’s eyebrows deepen and then he takes a single finger up, and mouths _one more_. Jinyoung repeats the process, closes his eyes, feels Jaebum’s hand press against him, and thinks of the sea. He holds his breath for fifteen seconds this time.  
  
When Jaebum lets go, clarity comes and Jinyoung instantly feels the tension in his body give way, his muscles weak and sluggish now as he leans back into the stall with watery eyes and a heavy sigh.  
  
“Are you okay now?” Jaebum whispers, he’s still crouched in front of Jinyoung, so close, not realising he had parted Jinyoung’s legs to settle between them and held Jinyoung’s face between his hands.  
  
“I’m-” He coughs, his mouth dry and his words stuck. “I’m fine…” He finally pushes through, his eyes scrutinized shut. If Jaebum heard what he said, he decided to ignore it because he doesn’t seem to make an effort to put space between them. Instead he takes his hands away from Jinyoung’s cheek and goes to brush away the disarray strands of wet hair that stuck to Jinyoung’s forehead. “I’m fine.” Jinyoung repeats, harder.  
  
“I know, I heard you.” Jaebum murmurs lowly, his fingers, long and achingly tender, tuck short strands behind Jinyoung’s ear. Jinyoung swallows hard, staring up at Jaebum’s eyelashes, they were clumped together, glistening from the rain, his skin seemed paler too, maybe that too because of the rain but it just made the two beauty spots above his eye stand out more.  
  
Jinyoung wants to hold his breath but he can’t think that’d be a good idea after what just happened. His hand twitches as if they want to move too, as if he wanted to bring his hand to Jaebum’s wet hair and brush his fingers through the strands, he wanted to press his thumb against Jaebum’s temple, to put his lips-  
  
Jaebum’s eyes flutter down, giving Jinyoung a hard stare and Jinyoung returns it, clenching his fist. “Are you okay now?” Jaebum asks softly, his voice deeper, hoarser than Jinyoung was prepared for.  
  
“I said...I was fine.” Jinyoung murmurs, his eyes looking away from Jaebum, the intensity making his breathing irregular very quickly. He was vulnerable right now, his chest tight and his lips trembling, he could hyperventilate again any time now and Jaebum’s closeness, his hands, his voice were a major possible triggers right now. “Jaebum-”  
  
“Hm?” Jaebum hums as his hand slides away from Jinyoung’s hair and down the side of his neck. Jinyoung visibly shivers, the cold prickling his skin, Jaebum’s fingertips putting his nerves in over drive. He gasps low and small, and tucks his head down hoping Jaebum didn’t notice it. “Jinyoung.” He calls out with a sort of finality, like the sound of something snapping after being pulled on for so long.  
  
Jinyoung looks down at the damp grey ground, feeling the pulse in his throat resonate in his ears as Jaebum’s hand glides down slowly, his fingers tracing the outline of his jaw with a delicacy like he was ready to pick a petal off a flower. Jinyoung bites his lip from gasping again as Jaebum goes to press his palm against the nape of Jinyoung’s neck, his pulse beating aggressively underneath his skin, underneath Jaebum’s hand. Jinyoung thinks for a moment it’ll blow, the only sound his ears catch along with the angry rain, he thinks he’ll just _disintegrate_.  
  
“Jinyoung.” Jaebum calls out again, although this time he was asking for him, asking him to look up. Jinyoung, reluctant and nervous, does stiffly, his eyes averting Jaebum’s. Jaebum, noticing this, goes to press his thumb against Jinyoung’s neck, just above Jinyoung’s adam apple, any lower and any harder, he could easily suffocate him. Jinyoung feels his lips part, his breath hitch for a moment as he looks up at Jaebum’s eyes, they were dark, so dark. His lips part too, as if mirroring Jinyoung’s expression, and then he leans down.  
  
Jaebum’s thumb forces Jinyoung to look up as he leans in, like a lamb seconds before it becomes nothing but prey. He moves slowly, Jinyoung too aware of the way each muscle in Jaebum’s body moves; his shoulders, his arms, his hips, and his legs. Jinyoung licks his lips in some form of anticipation or was it curiosity? Jinyoung thinks it’s both when he notices Jaebum’s eyes flicker down to his lips and he sucks in a breath.  
  
He’s so close now, their breaths heavy amongst the damp air, and just as Jaebum tilts his head to the side, Jinyoung feels his breath hitch, hard, his chest jumping. Jaebum pauses for a moment, staring at him, a question in his eyes _are you okay?_ Jinyoung, on the edge now, takes in a heavy breath and quickly goes to close the distance, leaning up and pressing his lips against Jaebum’s. His lips are cold, wet and taste of salt.  
  
Jinyoung jolts in surprise as he feels Jaebum press against him too. He goes to kiss the side of Jinyoung’s mouth, then between his own he takes Jinyoung’s top lip and kisses it, before the two of them fall into a rhythm.  
  
Jaebum manages to press his body as close to Jinyoung’s as possible, one hand propped up on the stall behind and the other cradling Jinyoung’s head. Their soaked shirts sticking together, Jinyoung almost feels shirtless, he feels every movement, every breath in Jaebum’s chest. They kiss messily, their lips cold and damp, pecking each other, sucking on each other’s lips, Jaebum even bites him for a moment before chuckling into his mouth. Jinyoung swallows it down and once again feels his breath hitch, this time hard and Jaebum is quick to part, even though he was so close to pressing his tongue into the insides of Jinyoung’s mouth.  
  
“A-are you alright?” Jaebum, breathless and flushed, asks.  
  
Jinyoung tries to catch his breath quickly, “I said I was fine…”  
  
“You don’t sound fine,” Jaebum mumbles, taking the hand from Jinyoung’s neck to press it against his forehead. “It’s probably not good to stay wet like this, you’ll catch a cold.”  
  
“What? Suddenly you care?” Jinyoung finds himself laughing and it earns him a lopsided smile from Jaebum.  
  
“I’ve cared for a long time,” Jaebum admits, his hand back to stroking Jinyoung’s hair.  
  
“Could have fooled me,” Jinyoung mutters.  
  
Jaebum smiles small, “....fooled myself.”  
  
Jinyoung stares at him and thinks _me too_.  
  
Jaebum gazes at him with a new kind of light expression, and then he smiles, large, all white teeth and it makes Jinyoung’s chest ache in a completely different way. Jaebum goes to grab Jinyoung’s hands and tugs on him to get up. They finally get up to their feet, Jinyoung looks out to the rain still heavy but mildly lighter than before, and suddenly feels incredibly embarrassed.  
  
“You’re blushing.” Jaebum teases from the side, tugging on Jinyoung’s pinky finger.  
  
“Shut up.” Jinyoung mutters and flicks his hand away, he regrets the action instantly.  
  
Jaebum, however, just laughs for a moment and goes to grab Jinyoung’s hand tighter. Jinyoung looks down at it and then up at Jaebum, “You’re cold.”  
  
Jaebum follows his eyes and then cocks an eyebrow, “I’d think we’re pretty warm right now,” He murmurs, and tugs Jinyoung a little closer. “Your face is pretty red too.”  
  
“So are your lips,” Jinyoung fires back, and Jaebum bites his lip consciously, a smirk playing on his face.  
  
Jinyoung feels his breath leave, thoughts flying around in his head like autumn leaves in winter wind. He thinks he should understand what just happened, staring at Jaebum’s stark beauty spots, his fine eyebrows, his soft eyelashes, and his glistening, red lips, he doesn’t feel like it was real. _Is that what this feeling was all this time?_ He was so conscious of it, so aware of him for so long, but so clueless because Jaebum doesn’t-  
  
“You don’t like me,” Suddenly comes out of his mouth, it’s quick and low but the rain has lightened up and Jaebum hears him clearly. Jaebum stares at him from the side, a thoughtful expression on his face.  
  
“You’ve been thinking about that?” Jaebum asks, a feint solemn look on his face like he was regretting something. “I didn’t mean it.”  
  
“Yes, you did.”  
  
Jaebum purses his lips, “Maybe a little but it- really wasn’t like that.” Jaebum looks uncomfortable, so Jinyoung doesn’t push any further.  
  
“I don’t really get it,” Jinyoung admits, staring down at their hands clasped together, Jaebum’s thumb stroking the back of Jinyoung’s hand.  
  
“Don’t get what?”  
  
“What just happened…”  
  
Jaebum half smiles and stands closer, “We kissed.” He whispers, mockingly and Jinyoung tries to slap his hand away for a second time but Jaebum just tightens his grip and they struggle for a momentum in a game of war before Jaebum wins.  
  
“Annoying,” Jinyoung mutters, his stained cheeks betraying his irritance.  
  
“You love it,” Jaebum teases, staring at Jinyoung between wet clumps of hair, Jinyoung grimaces, he wants to brush them away but he doesn't let himself indulge that much. “Besides you don’t know what attraction is?”  
  
“Attraction?” Jinyoung repeats the word with ridicule, and goes to lookout onto the rain.  
  
Jaebum stands close, his head leaning into his ear, and Jinyoung tries not cringe as Jaebum’s nose brushes the skin of his neck. “I’ve noticed how you look at me.”  
  
Jinyoung rolls his eyes and tilts his head, “What are you talking about?”  
  
Jaebum leans back with a contemplating stare before a bemused smile spreads out onto his pale skin. “Don’t tell me you did it unconsciously?” Jaebum half laughs, his eyes staring into Jinyoung’s. “Now that just makes you adorable.”  
  
“Me? Adorable?” Jinyoung repeats with a snide smile, his canine teeth digging into his bottom lip. Jaebum licks his lip at the sight and leans in close, just before he murmurs something under his breath, he presses his lips against Jinyoung, briefly but wanting none the same and Jinyoung finds himself naturally leaning in.  
  
“Mmmm...we’re in public,” Jinyoung breathes, his breath hot, slipping between Jaebum’s wanting lips.  
  
“You’re no fun,” Jaebum sighs heavily and leans back, biting his lip like it wasn’t enough, or Jinyoung didn’t feel like it was enough. There was something about Jaebum’s face after he kisses; slightly peach cheeks, wet lips and a glazed look to his eyes, it makes Jinyoung catch his breath.  
  
“We should go,” Jinyoung says eventually and Jaebum nods.  
  
“I know but I don’t want to,” Jaebum admits, a scowl on his face. _He’s so honest_ , Jinyoung thinks achingly, he doesn’t realize until now how much he likes that about Jaebum. “Meet me tomorrow.”  
  
“Tomorrow’s a Saturday.” Suddenly blurts out form Jinyoung’s mouth.  
  
Jaebum laughs loud, “I know, idiot. I want to meet you tomorrow.”  
  
“Oh right, yeah,” Jinyoung blankly says.  
  
Jaebum opens his mouth, hesitating before he asks, “You won’t regret this, right?” His eyes out onto the road, Jinyoung stares at him for a moment, really wondering if he directed the question to Jinyoung or to himself.  
  
Jinyoung answers anyway, “I won’t.”

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
That night, Jinyoung spends an awful long time in the shower, he feels light headed, the hot steam hammering down on his shoulder like the rain behind Jaebum as he leant in. Jinyoung closes his eyes and bumps his forehead against the bathroom tiles, he does it twice, lightly, his heart beating so fast.  
  
Slowly Jinyoung takes a hand and glides it up his chest, Jaebum’s abs pressed against his own, he takes his hand higher, Jaebum’s shoulders moving above him as he leaned in, his hand reaches his neck, Jaebum’s palm cold and shaking, veins humming, heart beats lacing together like a catastrophic orchestra, the sound drumming in his ears, the rain, the shower, the water, so incredibly hot, so cold.  
  
Jinyoung gasps heavily, Jaebum’s face idle behind his eyelids, the feel of his lips against Jinyoung’s imprinted on him like a brand to the flesh, painful and hot. Jinyoung shakingly takes his hand to the showers valve and turns it quickly, his shaking quickly turning to shivers, the cold water slamming down on him. He swallows down another gasp, leaning against the side of the shower, he lets himself drown in the ice for a while.  
  
Jinyoung rubs at the mirror with a towel, smudging away the steam that coated it and gave himself a look. His hands were down onto the sink, exposing the insides of his arm to plain view, the three black swirls almost seem to move hypnotically on his skin. Sometimes Jinyoung wakes up and finds his Mark isn’t there, that his worries, that his father were nothing but paranoid delusions ebbing into dreams like calm summer waves on the coast. Then he wakes up, really wakes up, and realises in the darkness that only a place so bright, a world with no worries and his father by his side was no place in reality.  
  
He wonders, staring dazedly at the Mark on his arm, when the anger had finally subsided, when did his blood flow through his veins without feeling like he was trying to cut them off, to stop his heart beating. His mother, a victim of emotions, of feelings so distraught and thoughts so chaotic it rotted her from the inside out, could now...smile. Jinyoung, so insistent on not feeling, on not becoming like her, on not becoming like his father, on becoming anything at all, but not human. So weak, and fragile, if it weren’t for our bones being so brittle, our flesh so soft and tender, Jinyoung thinks the human mind was the body’s own suicide bomb - just instead of obliterating everything in a single second, it frays, and cracks, and peels away like rotten food infested with maggots.  
  
Humans, so easily swayed, a thousand faces rotating like a carnival ride, betraying themselves. _He said he wouldn’t feel_ , and yet here Jinyoung was, standing in his bathroom, where it was meant to be cold and frigid...feeling nothing but heat, incredible heat. His heart thumped with life, his fingertips tingling, the Mark on his arm buzzing just because...of a kiss. _Because of Jaebum_. Jinyoung had betrayed himself in the form of soft flower lips and salty skin. Jinyoung had betrayed himself, he had given in to the loneliness, to the vast darkness of the universe he had floated in his whole life, and gave in to caring arms, to mocking grins and words with infinite meanings.  
  
Jinyoung betrayed himself, and in that bathroom with the steam, and cold air, he thinks with a small smile that he’d back stab himself a hundred times if it means his feet could finally touch the ground.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Jinyoung’s mother has already left for work by the time he’s finished getting dressed and eating breakfast. Luckily, she didn’t ask where he was off to, even though going out with Jaebum wasn’t an unusual thing, he feels he couldn’t naturally tell her without coming off as if he was hiding something. Jinyoung was good at being bitter, but not very good at lying.  
  
He takes out his keys and sets out for the front door. The weather is nice today, warm and not a single cloud in the sky. Jinyoung’s humming to himself as he locks the front door. Him and Jaebum agreed to meet at the bus stop on the main road, Jinyoung not really really sure where they were planning to go but he wasn’t thinking about it much.  
  
Jinyoung’s making his way through the front garden and opens the latch, ready to take a left when he sees something large on the ground by the side. He jumps a little when he sees Jaebum crouched down onto the ground by the fence.  
  
“Jaebum?” Jinyoung calls out, unsure.  
  
Jaebum raises his head up, and awkwardly smiles, “Hi.”  
  
“Hi? What are you doing here?” Jaebum doesn’t make an effort to get up so Jinyoung takes a step towards him and bends onto his knees. “I thought we were meeting at the bus stop?”  
  
“Yeah, well I got there...like an hour ago,” Jaebum says, his eyes staring intently at the top of his knees.  
  
“An hour? Did I get the time wrong?”  
  
“No, I got there early.” He looks up at Jinyoung then. “I was...anxious all night, I don’t know why.”  
  
Jinyoung takes his words in for a moment, he had said them with confusion, “Do you regret it?” Jinyoung asks calmly, despite the fact he felt his throat closing up on him.  
  
Jaebum also seems to take time contemplating the question, “No, not now I’m looking at you.” _So you regretted it before_.  
  
Jinyoung smiles small, “You’ve gotten awfully sweet.”  
  
Jaebum returns it with a grin of his own, “It won’t last long, don’t worry.”  
  
Jinyoung rolls his eyes, “We going to go or not?”  
  
“Yeah...yeah, let’s go.”  
  
Jaebum refused to tell Jinyoung where exactly they were going, despite Jinyoung asking multiple times, despite the fact they had been on a bus for over an hour now, Jaebum still didn’t even give him a clue.  
  
He does say one thing, “It’s not a big deal though, like it’s just somewhere I’ve wanted to take you for a while.”  
  
“A while?”  
  
“Yeah...but it was just a bit awkward to ask you without bringing Jackson along,” Jaebum bashfully says, giving Jinyoung a little smile from the side. Jinyoung returns it, watching his hair flutter in the wind coming from the open bus window.  
  
They’re pressed against each other, not because the bus is crowded, not because the seats have been taken but because Jaebum had naturally nestled onto the seat beside Jinyoung. Their arms relaxed as they lean into each other, their legs parted and their knees touch at the tips. Jinyoung feels comfortable as he goes to look out onto the view, large green hills grew in the distance, fields of cattle and sheep passing by like dots.  
  
Eventually they get off the bus, the stop is barren. It was in the middle of the road, nothing but woodlands on either side and a single foot path, that quickly disappeared into the distance.  
  
“Was it that bad?” Jinyoung begrudgingly mutters.  
  
Jaebum who was momentarily distracted for a moment, swivels his head round, “What?”  
  
Jinyoung looks at him with narrowed eyes, “Have you taken me out here to kill me?”  
  
Jaebum’s face drops, “Shut up and follow me.”  
  
“Follow you where?” Jinyoung sqwaks, he’s momentarily struck by the tiny mud path that emerges behind two large oak trees. “We’re going into hell, aren’t we?”  
  
“Will you just follow me?” Jaebum snaps over his shoulder, grabbing onto a tree.  
  
“How? This path is so steep it looks like it’s going to fold over,” Jinyoung murmurs but he’s already following Jaebum, mimicking him in grabbing the same tree, putting his feet in the same place.  
  
“It’s just like this for a couple more steps, it gets flatter up ahead,” Jaebum huffs.  
  
“Tired already city boy?” Jinyoung chuckles, over taking Jaebum rather quickly. Jaebum glares at his back.  
  
“It’s been awhile since I’ve come here,” Jaebum wheezes as they reach the flat plane of the woods, the trees grow tall and in their hundreds, they look like they go on forever. “Where we want to go isn’t far just to the right and a little uphill.”  
  
“How can you tell? It all looks the same....” Jinyoung trailed off, the sight came with a sense of nostalgia, the familiar feel of the sun between the leaves of the tree, the whistling of the wind as it dances around bark, and the faint light sound of birds flapping, animals rustling. The forest hummed with life in the most silent way possible, Jinyoung could feel it beneath his feet.  
  
“It’s amazing, right?” Jaebum whispers, like he felt the stillness too. “I figured you’d like it.”  
  
Jinyoung gives him a look from the side, “You seem to know a lot of things about me.”  
  
Jaebum shrugs, pleased, as if Jinyoung had paid him a compliment. “I do try. Come on, let’s go there are marks on the trees that help us get there. This place is pretty common knowledge for the people that live around here.” Jaebum explains as he begins to make his way between brushes.  
  
“People live here?”  
  
“Yeah, couple of miles down the forest there’s a small village, I used to live there when I was younger.” Jaebum says, pointing in the direction as if he could see his home town from where he stood. “We moved to Seoul when mum got pregnant with Minhee and dad lost his job. It’s a pretty secluded village, and this forest isn’t in much use but for hikers, so job opportunities weren’t...good.” Jaebum jumps into a small dip into the ground and continues on, Jinyoung takes a more careful approach downwards.  
  
Clapping his hands, Jaebum goes to press a hand to a tree and smiles brightly, “Yes, I knew I’d remember.”  
  
“Wait, you brought us into a large forest not knowing if you could remember the way?” Jinyoung groans, he wonders if it’s too late to turn back.  
  
Jaebum sees his reluctance and shakes his head, “Come on, it’s fine.” He insists and goes to grab Jinyoung’s wrist, dragging him behind him. “I grew up in these woods, remembering the way is just like...learning how to ride a bike again.”  
  
“No, wait, I think you lost the point of that quote.” Jinyoung squeaks, but Jaebum’s already gone ahead.  
  
It’s another twenty minute walk before Jinyoung sees a clearing in the trees. “I’m assuming we’re here?” Jinyoung asks, he’s been holding Jaebum up the whole time, he had tripped twice as it was.  
  
“Yeah, just up….here,” Jaebum takes a step forward, pushing out of a brush and takes a step into the clearing.  
  
The first thing Jinyoung sees is a cliff edge. “You really did come to kill me.”  
  
Jaebum gives him a deadpan look, “Look up idiot.”  
  
Jinyoung gives Jaebum a wary look before looking up, and there just over the cliff was a lake, incredibly large. The waters so still, the sun reflecting off it in glitter and beams, like a mirror. “Holy shit,” Jinyoung breathes, he can’t seem to comprehend the sight, he takes a step forward. The forest continues out, mixtures of dark green and bright green cover the mountain base like a bed.  
  
“It’s been so long since I’ve come here,” Jaebum says under his breath, Jinyoung looks towards him, finding a sort of sad look on his face. Jaebum notices him staring and looks away nodding towards the lake. “I love this place you know, maybe not back then, we don’t really appreciate the things we had once. But in a small town you sometimes needed to escape.” He goes to sit on the ground then and taps on the space next to him, beckoning cutely for Jinyoung to sit beside him.  
  
“What made you bring me here?” Jinyoung asks, settling down. He claps his hands of the dirt and looks to the side.  
  
“When we were at that seaside store...the way you’d look at everything like there was something you constantly missed, it- let’s just say it played on my mind a lot,” He grins like he’s embarrassed.  
  
“You do smile a lot.” Jinyoung notes, and Jaebum quickly goes to cover half his face, bringing Jinyoung’s eyes upwards.  
  
“You stare a lot, you know that?” Jaebum says from behind his hand, a quirk of his eyebrow.  
  
Jinyoung looks down. “Maybe I got the habit off you.”  
  
Jaebum drops his hand down, a scowl on his face. “I don’t stare. I just stare at you.” Jinyoung blinks up shocked, but Jaebum continues with a jab of his finger, “But unfortunately for me you don’t just stare at me, but you stare at everyone, everything.”  
  
“I just...blank out.”  
  
“Same thing, it’s frustrating, I hate it when you’re not _here_ ,” Jaebum admits.  
  
“Why?”  
  
Jaebum goes to pick up a stick from beside him and starts jabbing it into the ground. Jinyoung watches him with mild amusement. “Hm?” He presses.  
  
Jaebum gives him a sly look from the side and huffs, “Because I feel like if you could choose you’d be over there on that bloody island then be here, or in Seoul, I mean,” He says, bashful and a little angry. Jinyoung leans in, curious and incredibly bemused.  
  
“I would though,” Jinyoung says and watches in delight as Jaebum flicks up his head with a glare. “But...I think I’ve grown to like Seoul, beside I can’t go back to Jeju.” He says, settling back on his hands, bringing his eyes back to the never ending forest.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because I don’t want to see my father,” Jinyoung says flatly, he thought it’d come out bitter but the words slipped out easy. How awful, Jinyoung had managed to betray his mother in that moment, and all Jinyoung felt was calm.  
  
“You hate him? For choosing his soulmate?”  
  
“No…” He thinks about it. “She...was just a...trigger? My mother isn’t the easiest woman and my father is a weak, careless man.”  
  
Jaebum shuffles closer to Jinyoung, the warmth rolling off his body, comforting Jinyoung. “Were they unhappy?”  
  
“No,” Jinyoung thinks about his mother smiling, sewing dresses in their living room, drowning in white and lace and giggling every time she poked her finger with the needle. Then he thinks of his father, in that library, smiling a smile he had lost a long time ago, a smile from a time of astronauts and aliens, and realises with a sort of sadness that “They just weren’t happy.”  
  
Jaebum doesn’t say anything, instead he just puts a gentle hand on Jinyoung’s leg and hums deeply. “That’s why…” Jinyoung finds himself continuing, staring at Jaebum. “I don’t think...Marks matter. Not because we can ignore them but because they don’t change anything. Fate doesn’t exist, people do.”  
  
Jaebum doesn’t return his look, instead his eyes slide downwards to the ground and Jinyoung finds Jaebum digging his nails into his thigh like he was repressing something. “I think I want to be with you.” He says awkwardly, stiffly and abruptly.  
  
“What?” Jinyoung looks down at his bent back and hanging head and thinks that is no way to confess to someone. “Look up and say that again.”  
  
Jaebum blinks down, eyes wide and then straightens up instantly like he just realised himself, “I want to be with you.” Jaebum says again. “I feel like I want to be around you all the time.”  
  
“You mean you like me?”  
  
“ _Like_ ,” He repeats the words like it was a joke. “I...yes, I like you, a lot.”  
  
“All we did is argue,” Jinyoung mutters.  
  
“I know,” Jaebum laughs. “But I just wanted….to hide I guess, I don’t know, you can be so infuriating one moment and so incredibly loveable the other.”  
  
“Loveable?” Jinyoung laughs. “That’s new.”  
  
Jaebum leans into his lap, perching his elbow on Jinyoung’s thigh, “No, it isn’t but sometimes when you put your guard down, sometimes when I see you so...vulnerable, let’s just say I’m glad I’m the only one that sees those moments.”  
  
Jinyoung gulps down the air, Jaebum’s face awfully close to his, “You like me when I’m weak?” He says it like he wanted to start an argument but Jaebum just half-smiles into his palm and sighs.  
  
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you weak, is that even possible?” Jaebum goes to take a hand to Jinyoung’s hair, his fingertips soft and gentle as he glides it towards his ears. “You’re strong and rude, annoying as hell but sometimes you’re soft, kind, the only thing you’re weak against are the things you love.” Jinyoung feels himself pull closer to Jaebum, stopping just as their forehead touch. “And you?” Jaebum says looking worried and apprehensive. “How do you feel?”  
  
“Like…” Jinyoung shakingly breathes out the words. “Like I want to be around you too. I like it when we talk and I don’t feel the need to punch you in the face.” Jinyoung chuckles lightly, and Jaebum finds himself smiling, leaning his head up. “And...I like your honesty, I feel like If I could trust anyone it would be-” They kiss, softly, slowly, so slow. Jaebum parting his lips for air, and humming. Jinyoung shifts from above him, feeling his lips move on their own as they press down into Jaebum’s. Jaebum hums deeper, and Jinyoung feels it through their lips. This time, he doesn't hold back in pressing his tongue onto Jaebum's, revelling in the shivers Jaebum rewarded him with. Jinyoung licks his lips, a smile playing on his own.   
  
“You’re awfully good at this,” Jaebum murmurs, parting back with a frown and Jinyoung, eyes still closed, finds himself being mildly frustrated with the change in events.  
  
He opens his eyes mid roll and looks down at Jaebum with a questioning look, “I don’t do this often, if that’s what you mean.” This makes Jaebum lean back further.  
  
“So you’ve done this before?”  
  
“Jaebum.”  
  
“I’m just curious,” Jaebum defensively puts his palms out. “Was it with the person you talked about at the beach, on the roof? The only person you’ve dated.”  
  
Jinyoung stares at Jaebum’s pursed lips and licks his own, “Is that what it was back then? Jealousy?” Jaebum’s face drops from curiosity to that of a deer in headlights, he’d been caught. “Seriously?” Jinyoung laughs wistfully, something about the thought of Jaebum angry and jealous _over Jinyoung_ exhilarated him.  
  
“Shut up,” Jaebum grimaces. “You’re so annoying.”  
  
Jinyoung tries to rack his memory, “You’ve been into me for so long? Didn’t think you’d be the masochistic type Jaebum.” He was enjoying it, watching Jaebum fidget under interrogation.  
  
“Ugh, leave me alone, stop looking at me like that,” Jaebum moans, burying his face into his hands.  
  
“Cute.”  
  
Jaebum looks up, disgusted. “Did you just call me _cute_?”  
  
“Ah, did I say that out loud?”  
  
“You said it out loud.” Jaebum says in horror, his jaw slacked open. “I’ll kill you, I swear to god I’ll kill you.”  
  
Jinyoung laughs, “See? So I was right? You were going to kill me-”  
  
“I’m leaving,” Jaebum announces and gets up to his feet, quickly stomping his way towards the bush they came through.  
  
“Woah, wait wait, you can’t just leave me here!” Jinyoung squeaks, clambering up to catch up to Jaebum.  
  
“Watch me!” Jaebum threatens, his head charging forward in fiery anger.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Jinyoung laughs out loud, sliding down a slight dip in the ground and slamming straight into Jaebum’s back. “Ouch.”  
  
Jaebum turns abruptly, Jinyoung looks up at him, holding his nose. Then he takes a step forward, Jinyoung takes a step back, forward, back, forward, back- tree. Jaebum presses him up against the bark with a severely strained smile but Jinyoung still finds his stomach flip.  
  
“You know I was only joking about the killing thing,” Jinyoung says with a reassuring tap on Jaebum’s shoulder.  
  
“Really?” Jaebum nods, tilting his head and leaning in.  He kisses Jinyoung on the lips once before bringing his lips up Jinyoung’s jaw, and between his pearl white teeth he delicately bites into Jinyoung’s ear lobe and tugs on it, hard.  
  
Jinyoung hisses in pain, “What the fuck?”  
  
“Try pushing my buttons more,” Jaebum warns with a point of his finger and starts making his way back out of the forest. “Then maybe I’ll just leave you here, so no one but me can find you.”

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
To Jinyoung’s dismay, the start of Summer came with heat waves, humidity thick enough to choke on and long sleeved shirts. He felt like the break couldn’t come any sooner, all he wanted to do was lie in his bed in nothing but boxer shorts and revel in the cool relief his fan would grace him with. But instead he was stuck to his desk, wearing two layers of clothing in heat that could melt off flesh if you stood outside long enough. The open window proving to be a pointless asset to him right now, bringing in nothing but the stench of sweat from the track field below and the suns murderous intent. He slams it shut with malice.  
  
“I’m going to die,” Jaebum groans from the seat in front of Jinyoung, who leans forward into his desk, massaging his template.  
  
“Please don’t talk.” Jinyoung grumbles.  
  
Jaebum gives him a look, “Now that isn’t anyway to talk to me, is it?”  
  
Jinyoung looks up from slightly damp strands of hair, the sweat on his forehead could fill a pool. “You’re dancing on a fine line, stop talking before I shove something down your throat.”  
  
“Ha, funny considering just last weekend you were asking to put your tongue-” Jinyoung kicks his chair, his cheeks a bright, bleeding red, he could feel his body temperature now reaching it’s limit.  
  
“Ok, ok I’m sorry, you’re just so cute when you’re lustful,” Jaebum continues on and quickly jumps out of his seat when Jinyoung throws his leg again. “Damn, really on the edge... aren’t you an island boy? Suck it up.”  
  
Jinyoung drops into his arms and whines, “There isn’t a sea close enough to here to dive in, just let me suffer in silence.”  
  
“No can do buddy, you think summer heat going to make me unglue from you? You think my feelings for you are that weak?” Jaebum half mocks and half serenades, dancing around Jinyoung’s desk.  
  
Jinyoung turns his head around in his arms and see’s Jaebum quickly getting distracted by Jackson and his large bag of ice. It’d been three months then, since that day in the rain, and Jinyoung still thinks about it like it happened yesterday. Sometimes he dreams about it even, sometimes he doesn’t have to because him and Jaebum had become inseparable. Jackson knew it, the school knew it, their families knew it, their neighbourhood knew it.  
  
They didn’t really care, as far as everyone was concerned they were just close friends, after all to Jinyoung’s dismay they hadn’t really done anything further than _a lot_ of kissing and a lot of touching. Even when Jaebum had ended up sleeping at his place for a week straight, his mother more than willing to feed him everyday (making sure it was anything but chicken), all Jaebum really did was rummage through Jinyoung’s belongings and lay on his lap. He naps a lot, and apparently he really likes the scent of Jinyoung’s clothes.  
  
Jaebum had become his gravity, and Jinyoung found himself slowly forgetting about those three swirls, soulmates and fate. The uprooted vines had slowly begun to release their grip on him, Jinyoung was finally left to breathe without feeling like he was gasping for the air, without feeling like he was crying for help anymore. Jinyoung wonders if Jaebum knows just how much he means to him now, how much now he relies on him, how much he’s left his heart and his loneliness with a boy so much like him and so different at the same time.  
  
Jinyoung's feelings for Jaebum are like a dam threatening to over flow. He so quickly became...everything to Jinyoung, and all of it in between; he is heavy, and careful, he is light and dangerous. He is the feeling in Jinyoung like he could do anything, anything at all but decide to do none of it, because there’s really nothing more important than the feel of Jaebum's skin, the touch of his lips, the tender hitch in his breaths, the urgency in his face.  
  
Jinyoung watches Jaebum with a stare now that doesn't try to decipher, the cogs in his head now laid to rest and all that’s filled in its wake is how many lines emerge by Jaebum's eyes when he smiles, how many times he goes to catch his breath when they’re kissing, or how his nails dig into anything it finds when he’s reaching his tolerance.  
  
Even thinking about Jaebum has proven to be dangerous, it was like he could read his mind sometimes. But it was the important things Jaebum didn’t know. Jinyoung still hadn’t revealed his Mark to him, despite the amount of times where he brought the conversation up, with the intent he was going to do it, do it, but something always got in the way.  
  
Although the Marks had become an afterthought, the guilt was very much there flashing in neon coloured lights.  
  
“A present,” Jaebum whispers from above Jinyoung as he goes to press several ice cubes to the back of Jinyoung’s sweat soaked neck. “Thank me later.” He hums.  
  
Jinyoung groans in immense pleasure, the coolness quick to melt on his skin and trickle down his back. “Jesus, that’s good,” Jinyoung mutters.  
  
“Ice play, huh?” Jaebum says to himself. “Got to keep that for reference.”  
  
“I’m really not in the mood to threaten you today Jaebum,” Jinyoung mumbles and goes to turn his face towards the window. Jaebum goes to bend over him then, his back covering the both of their faces from the rest of their classroom as he quickly steals a peck from Jinyoung. “Why do all my warnings translate differently to you?”  
  
“Because I know what you really mean,” Jaebum grins wide, and Jinyoung wants to scowl at him but despite the rolling heat and his sweat heavy body, he ends up smiling back. “Come on, we got to get dressed for physical education, ready for another race?”

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Jinyoung refuses to move from the back entrance of the school, where the shadows protect him. He’s wearing shorts and a long tracksuit jumper over it. He thinks, looking out onto the brightly lit up race track, that this is where he’ll die. His death bed was going to be amongst sweaty teenage boys and dying grass, brilliant.  
  
“Jinyoung, get here, now!” Their coach calls out with aggressiveness, his face beat red, no one was handling the heat today, but the AC in the gym had broken down.  
  
Jinyoung slowly but eventually makes his way to meet up with the rest of them. Jaebum looks annoyingly excited on the side, jogging on the spot, Jinyoung contemplates chucking one of the orange cones that made the start line at his head.  
  
“Two laps then a break for 5 minutes, repeat this for the next hour,” The coach instructed and with a whistle, everyone shot off. Jaebum burst ahead, the competitor in him apparently saw no rival in the heat from the sun and he flew at a dizzying speed. Everyone else trailed behind him, some picking up the pace later on, thinking they could catch up with Jaebum eventually but the boy was riding on some sort of energy.  
  
The heat, however, was worse out here than Jinyoung expected it to be. There were no clouds and barely any shade, he could feel the heat quickly crawl through the gaps in his clothes, and build up in the spaces of his jumper. The sweat trickling from him was growing ridiculous, he had become a leaking faucet and his vision was quick to become blurry. He thinks he hears the coach shout something but Jinyoung can’t hear anything, there’s nothing but the sound of crunching grass and the taste of dryness in his mouth.  
  
Jinyoung feels his head spin, and then he suddenly feels light. Things then come in chaotic spells, he feels the grass prickly beneath him, the sun mocking him up in the sky, the coach’s red face comes into vision, then there’s a tree, shade? Jinyoung smiles to himself, finally feeling momentary bliss.  
  
“God, he looks like he’s going to ascend to heaven,” He hears Jackson’s voice, faintly but still too loud not to make sense of. “Why are you always dropping on me Jinyoung? Hm?”  
  
“It seems he has heatstroke, should be fine unless he starts to vomit,” Someone else says, but Jinyoung’s too dizzy to make out who it is.  
  
“I’ll go grab some water,” Jackson says and quickly dashes off.  
  
Jinyoung narrows his eyes up at the leaves of the tree above him, willing his head to stop toppling over like a dice falling down an infinite amount of stairs.  
  
“Hey, what’s going on?” _Ah, Jaebum’s voice_. “What happened to him?” His voice was distant, shouting but so clear in Jinyoung’s head.  
  
“It’s fine, just heatstroke!” Someone else shouts back.  
  
“Come on, we should get his jumper off him, it’s probably why he got so hot.”  
  
“Yeah, okay, I’ll lift him.”  
  
Alarms should be going off then but Jaebum’s voice comes hurtling in before they start ringing, “Wait no! Stop!” Jaebum’s voice closer now. “Stop! You can’t take off his jacket, don’t!”  
  
“What do you mean? It’s warming him up?” A voice argues.  
  
“It’s fine I’ll take him to the nurse, don’t worry,” Jaebum says, now hovering over Jinyoung. Jinyoung thinks he calls out his name but blackness hits Jinyoung with a secret waiting to explode.  
  
Jinyoung had only passed out momentarily, he faintly remembers the school hallways passing by in a blur, then he remembers softness, a bed, and cool air. When Jinyoung finally feels like he can open his eyes without the world looking like it was ready to fold up thrice, he hears Jaebum’s voice instantly.  
  
“Jinyoung?”Jaebum worriedly calls out and Jinyoung looks to the side, a smile spreading across his face.  
  
“What a familiar sight,” He jokes, and Jaebum’s face falters into relief.  
  
“I hate you, I swear to god,” Jaebum mumbles into his palms. “If I see you in a hospital bed one more time Jinyoung, I will make sure you skip it altogether next time.”  
  
“Understood,” Jinyoung chuckles and goes to sit up, he licks his lips, the inside of his mouth dry and his lips chapped. Jaebum quickly gives him a bottle of water and Jinyoung vaguely remembers Jackson’s face hovering over him.  
  
The curtains part then and the nurse pops her head in, “How you feeling Jinyoung?”  
  
“Thirsty.” Jinyoung says before bringing the bottle to his lips and downing half of it down his throat.  
  
“That’s good, you feeling dizzy at all?” She asks, Jaebum staring intently at Jinyoung, waiting for his answers.  
  
“No, I’m fine now, how long have I been asleep?”  
  
“Just around fifteen minutes,” She says. “If all else is okay, I’d suggest you go home for the day, okay? Should I call your mother?”  
  
“No, no, it’s okay, I can make my way home by myself-”  
  
“I’ll take him home, please give me a pass, I really don’t want to think about him walking home and eventually dropping onto the ground.” Jaebum says with a stubborn expression, he’d fight her for a pass, Jinyoung can tell, that or he’ll just flat out walk out from school without another thought. The nurse seems to realise this too and gives him a nod. “Thank you.”  
  
“You don’t have to you know, I’m fine,” Jinyoung says but Jaebum just gives him a dead look that said _really_.  
  
“Come on, let’s go grab your stuff from the classroom.”

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
The classroom is deserted, gym bags and uniforms left astray. Jinyoung heads over to his desk, and stuffs his uniform into his bag before slugging it around his shoulder. Jaebum does the same.  
  
“Ah wait, I need to go grab my textbook back from Jackson’s desk,” Jinyoung says, quickly making his way around the maze of chairs. He bends down into Jackson’s desk, digging through junk food wrappers and crumpled up papers before finding his Physics textbook. As he rises up to his feet, Jinyoung notices his jacket had been unzipped, it wasn’t a cause for concern, he was pretty sure it has stayed settled upon his shoulders-  
  
Jinyoung’s eyebrows knit together. Why was he so sure? Jinyoung looks down at his Physics book for a moment and settles it onto the top of Jackson’s desk. Why was he so sure his Mark wasn’t exposed? Logically, they should have taken it off him if he passed out from heatstroke. His hands slowly goes to the zips and-  
  
“Jinyoung? You ready to go?” Jaebum asks from behind. _Don’t take off his jacket._  
  
Jinyoung instantly felt bile rise up his throat. “Why?” He whispers to himself once.  
  
“What? Why? What do you mean?”  
  
“Why shouldn’t they take off my jacket Jaebum?” Jinyoung says louder now, and slowly turns to find Jaebum mid step, frozen and an indescribable look on his face. It was the type of face where he hid something, or tried to and failed miserably, his emotions threatening to burst through whatever lie he’s trying to build up in the moment. “Why couldn’t they take off my jacket Jaebum? Why did you stop them?”  
  
“I-I thought, I thought you didn’t like, I thought you’d be uncom-”  
  
“I passed out from heatstroke, comfortable would be taking off the jacket, so why did you stop them?” Jinyoung’s voice was low, calm, but his heart was hammering in his ears, he didn’t know what to think, how to feel when he watches Jaebum take slow steps backwards, muttering to himself. “Jaebum...”  
  
Jaebum pauses and looks at Jinyoung with a face of utter heartbreak. “I’m sorry.” He says, stupidly, illogically.  
  
“W-what are you sorry about?” Jinyoung stutters, his voice quickly dissipating, fear running rampant. “I don’t understand.”  
  
“I know about- I know about your Mark,” Jaebum says it low, his jaw set, his eyes down.  
  
Jinyoung isn’t entirely sure how to take in the information, he blinks once, twice, and sighs. “Jackson?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Then how? Did you see it by accident when we were together?” Jinyoung tries to wrack his brain, he can’t remember ever letting his guard down enough for his arm to be exposed, not unless Jaebum made an effort to see it.  
  
“Yes and no.”  
  
“Jaebum, full sentences.” Jinyoung demands.  
  
Jaebum looks up then away, his back pressing against the lockers that bordered the end of the classroom, he looks like he wants nothing more than to disappear. “I-”  
  
“Jaebum…”  
  
“I saw it...I met- I saw you the first time on the ground on an intersection in Gangnam, you were crowded by a lot of people, and your arm was exposed- I saw it then.” Jaebum murmurs the words, but in this quiet empty classroom Jinyoung thinks he could even hear his heartbeat.  
  
“So you were a passerby-”  
  
“No-”  
  
“What do you mean _no_?” Jinyoung could feel the light headedness come back to hit him like a slap.  
  
Jaebum opens his mouth and then closes it, he goes to place his forehead in his hands and then to Jinyoung's diminishing patience, he begins to pace. Jinyoung watches him for a while, the words coming from his mouth incoherent and inaudible. He thinks of Jackson on the roof beside the sea and the knots in his stomach tighten.  
  
“You have to understand,” Jinyoung catches. “At the time, things were different. Back then, I didn’t think-” Jinyoung felt scared, he felt the gravity slipping from him, he knew what this impending feeling meant, he was going to lose something.  
  
“Jaebum stop, stop,” Jinyoung begs a little, settling back into the desk behind him. “Let’s just- I’ll pretend I never heard anything, let’s go home, please? I just want to sleep.” Jinyoung says, his voice tired and his shoulders slumped. He didn’t want to think about anything anymore.  
  
“Jinyoung, I’m your Match.” Jaebum says the words like a ghost speaking to it’s vacant body, the sound hollow and heard, but they don’t really settle inside Jinyoung like they should have.  
  
Jinyoung looks up, his set jaw now loose, and his lips pursed into a thin line, he stares at Jaebum for a while before sighing. “What did you say?” Jinyoung asks, so sure he hadn’t heard him right.  
  
“I’m-” Jaebum, now standing with conviction, goes to speak but stops himself to think for a moment. He moves instead, one hand goes to slightly lift his t-shirt, while the other reaches for the waistband of his gym shorts. In one slow movement, Jaebum drags his shorts and boxers low from one side, and there Jinyoung sees just under his hip bone, just before his thigh starts, a picture, a symbol maybe, no...Jinyoung thinks, a Mark made up of three small swirls.  
  
Jinyoung, stone faced and rigid, stares down at smooth skin of Jaebum’s pelvis for a long moment before Jaebum rises his shorts back up again. He thought this would be different, he thought this moment would be different, he thought he’d know instantly when he met them. Maybe, to be truthful, he thought it’d be like meeting fate, someone that was made for him, and just for him, and him made just for them. He thought of the moment, to be electric and bewildering. He thought he didn’t care if it wasn’t Jaebum, and amongst his twisted thoughts, Jinyoung felt an incredibly delirious sense of happiness, that they did find each other, that he found his soulmate.  
  
But it was more than just a soulmate, it was Jaebum, and Jaebum had known all this time. The past nine months came hurtling down on Jinyoung suddenly, and this time he really thinks he’ll vomit.  
  
“You...you lied.” Jinyoung forces out and he doesn’t notice when Jaebum slid down to sit crossed legged on the ground, his head hanging low.  
  
“I lied.”  
  
Jinyoung is about to ask _why_ but then it was too obvious, “You didn’t want to meet me.”  
  
“No, I didn’t want to meet my soulmate, but I met you…” Jaebum says the words like they ache and Jinyoung feels this familiar, this dormant anger bubble up inside him. His father’s face now in a reflection of Jaebum’s.  
  
“You hated me.” _You hate me._  
  
“I’ve never hated you-”  
  
“Yes you did, you told me-”  
  
“I lied, I wanted to hate you, I mean at least I hated the idea of you. I told you I didn’t want to be run by something like pre-planned destiny and when- when I knew who you were to me on that ground… I decided to walk away, I thought that’d be it. I thought we’d never see each other again.” Jaebum scoffs. “But like some cruel joke, there you were, Park Jinyoung, the new kid that lived by the sea.”  
  
“You left me on the ground.” Jinyoung mutters, he still remembers that day, the greyness like a sick virus licking at him, he was so afraid to lose himself back then. “You left me.”  
  
“I left my soulmate-”  
  
“We’re the same thing!” Jinyoung shouts, his foot kicking into the chair in front of him.  
  
“No, you’re not,” Jaebum stubbornly said, his teeth clenched. “You’re Park Jinyoung, you’re not fate or destiny or my soulmate, you’re just a person....I’m in love with.”  
  
Jinyoung rolled out his jaw, “Do you have any idea how...how I’ve felt these past few months? Did you think I thought like you? How could you keep it from me when I-” Jinyoung stops abruptly, remembering all the times Jinyoung was ready to tell Jaebum about him, about his Mark, how he spent nights thinking up the words that would comfort Jaebum, that Jaebum was the person he cared about no matter what a Mark on his body meant. And he remembers how Jaebum had averted every single time. “You didn’t want me to tell you....you must of known I wanted to tell you this whole time. Why- why Wh-”  
  
Jaebum takes a nervous hand through his hair and looks away, “Jinyoung, please, just, don’t do this.”  
  
“Don’t do what?”  
  
“Don’t...don’t let this ruin-”  
  
Jinyoung get’s up to his feet, “You’ve always wanted me to take off my jumper, my shirt, you wanted me to tell you about it so why is it when I was finally ready to do it, you decided against it?”  
  
“Because I was afraid of this.” Jaebum groans into his knees, refusing to look up.  
  
“I told you I tr-”  
  
“Jinyoung, stop-”  
  
“I trusted you.”  
  
“Jinyoung, _please_.” Jaebum begs, his arms tight around his legs. “You’re scaring me.”  
  
“I’m scaring you?” Jinyoung laughs at that, and settles down into a chair. “You’ve only thought about yourself.”  
  
“Yes, yeah, I’m selfish!” Jaebum bursts out suddenly. “I didn’t want you, and then I did, and then I pretended I didn’t, and I went into this circle for months and yet the one thing I knew was that no matter what I had to be around you. And I didn’t understand if these feelings were mine or if they belonged to some greater force. I didn’t want to become like my cousin.”  
  
_And somehow you’ve managed to turn me into my parents._  
  
They go silent then, Jinyoung’s heart had slowed down to a dull, dead beat, he couldn’t feel anything.  
  
He gets up then, his hand clenched onto the strap of his gym bag, “I’m going home.” Jinyoung says flatly before turning towards the exit.  
  
“Jinyoung,” Jaebum calls out. Jinyoung stills in the doorway. “Are you leaving me?”  
  
“I don’t know,” _I don’t think I can._

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
Jinyoung doesn’t know how many times he’s circled the neighbourhood before he finally notices the sun has died out into the darkness, and twilight took over the skies in a dark blue glow. He felt numb, confused but mostly tired, he just wanted to sleep for a long time, possibly forever.  
  
When Jinyoung finally gets home, he hesitates at the door for a long moment, wondering if there was anyway he could avoid his mother. Chances are the answer was no, but she’d been in a good mood the past couple of weeks, maybe she’d let him pass. However, despite his worries, when Jinyoung enters his house, it’s pitch black and cold.  
  
Jinyoung looks at the time on his phone, he knows his mother should usually be home by now with the heaters on, the lights on (because she hates nothing more than the dark) and the unusual smell of food as she tries to create some new recipe in the kitchen.  
  
“Mum?” Jinyoung calls out cautiously, dropping his keys into the tray by the door and gym bag on the floor. He goes to test the lights, the orange light flickering on instantly, so there wasn’t a power cut. “Mum?” Jinyoung calls out again, poking his head into the vacant living room.  
  
It’s only when he goes to take the first step up the stairs does he hear the faint sound of someone sobbing. Jinyoung flies up the stairs, the hallway pitch black and none of the rooms illuminated. He hears the sob again. “Mum?” Jinyoung bursts into her room, but it’s empty. She cries out then and Jinyoung turns around to find the bathroom door slightly open, he takes a step towards it and opens it slowly, letting the light from the corridor spill in.  
  
Jinyoung walks in and turns on the light, his mother is crouched into a ball on the floor beside the bath, wet hair curtaining her face and nothing but a towel covering her. “Mum, mum, are you okay?” Jinyoung quickly slides onto the floor besides her, he’s distraught at the tears running down her face, he hadn’t ever seen her look like this, not this broken. At least not broken enough for him to see. “Mum, what’s wrong?”  
  
She goes to clutch at him, her thin shaking fingers digging into his arm. “It hurts, Jinyoung-ah, it hurts so much.” She wails, and it hits Jinyoung right in his chest as she crumples in his arm. “It hurts, I can’t breathe.”  
  
“Where does it hurt-” Jinyoung says but he see’s it then, as her head dips into his chest and her towel slips slightly, the mark on her back had gone white as chalk, almost impossible to see against her pale skin. Jinyoung holds his breath, there was something wrong about the way it looked, like it was dying, like bones after the corpse has rotted away into dust.  
  
“They’re gone…” She whimpers, slamming a hand against Jinyoung’s chest. “They’re gone!” She screams this, shaking Jinyoung harshly. Jinyoung sits there still, while his mother screeches, her voice cracking like she was being cut open, like someone was taking her insides out in front of her. She wails, and thrashes, and Jinyoung just sits there, holding his weak brittle mother who had finally found her smile, break down into more tiny pieces than she ever has before.  
  
She hadn’t even known them, she hadn’t met them once, and yet when death cut that red string finally, she had _really_ lost them but most of all, she lost her self. And Jinyoung found himself lost too, on that cold bathroom floor, holding the fading remains of his mother, himself...his family.

 

 

 

 

 

*

  
  
His mother had gone back to Jeju, for a short while. Jinyoung had called his grandparents and they had travelled all the way to Seoul to make sure she went back safely with them whilst Jinyoung finished the last week of school before the break started.  
  
Jinyoung and Jaebum hadn’t talked all week, Jaebum maybe out of a lack of words or respect for Jinyoung, kept his distance. But Jinyoung knew him, he wasn’t going to keep to himself for long, so before he could grab the chance to confront him, Jinyong was going to leave for Jeju for two weeks. His plane ticket was for today.  
  
After packing and locking up the house, Jinyoung took a small suitcase and a gym bag worth of clothes and snacks. He’s at the front door, locking it, when he turns and finds Jaebum standing at the entrance of his front garden, looking small under the grapevines that arched over him.  
  
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jinyoung mutters under his breath.  
  
“Are you going somewhere?” Jaebum asks the words flatly, his expression unreadable.  
  
“Jeju, but you must have known that,” Jinyoung says, dragging his suitcase behind him, he takes a couple of steps forward.  
  
Jaebum half-smiles, “I actually didn’t.”  
  
“Fate doesn’t exist.” Jinyoung suddenly blurts out but he keeps his face frigid.  
  
“Does it matter anymore?”  
  
“It sure meant a lot to you before.” Jinyoung wants to snap, wants to be angry but he can’t seem to ignite it, not while looking at the face he had once kissed to sleep.  
  
“You mean more to me,” Jaebum whispers, staring down at the gate, not daring to touch it. Jinyoung sighs then, dropping his gym bag to floor and leaving his suitcase a couple of steps behind him, he gets close to the gate and puts a hand to it.  
  
“You know I’m coming back, it’s just two weeks,” Jinyoung says low.  
  
“I haven’t been able to talk to you for a week, I miss you,” Jaebum whispers, his hair curtaining his eyes. _I miss you too,_ is what Jinyoung wants to say, but he’s betrayed himself enough for now.  
  
“Are you running Jinyoung?” Jaebum asks, the familiar sound of fear laced in his words.  
  
“I thought you said we weren’t going to run anymore.”  
  
“I also said there were exceptions. Is this an exception? Are you leaving me?” Jaebum asks, placing a hand on the wooden gate, just an inch away from Jinyoung’s hand. Jinyoung looks down and then suddenly latches the gate open, he takes a step as close as he can to Jaebum.  
  
“I can’t leave you...even if I wanted to,” Jinyoung admits, his head lowered and his expression sad. Jinyoung lets his whole body envelope in the feeling he had been wallowing in for the past week, he lets his body wrap itself with the sadness for his mother, for the soul never found, for the Marks on their bodies and for Jaebum. He places his forehead onto Jaebum’s shoulder, giving up, he didn’t want to think anymore.  
  
Jaebum quickly goes to wrap his arms around Jinyoung, “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.”  
  
“I get it,” Jinyoung murmurs. “I’m just tired.”  
  
“I just-” Jaebum breathes heavily. “Even in the end, I’m only thinking about myself. I keep thinking you’re going to fly away and never come back, it’s all I’ve been thinking about since I’ve met you.”  
  
“I’m coming back Jaebum,” He says with finality, like his decision was finally set in stone.  
  
“I got it, I got it,” Jaebum nodded, like he was forcing himself to believe it. “Wear this at least, I’ve had it on me for so long now…” He shuffles into his pocket and pulls out something thin and delicate. Jaebum beckons for Jinyoung’s wrist, curiously Jinyoung follows, he feels something cold and light settle upon his skin.  
  
Jinyoung blinks down, mildly shocked, “Is this…?”  
  
“Yeah, I saw you stare at it for a while when we were at that seaside store and bought it.” Jaebum admits, looking jittery. Jinyoung looks down at the thin bracelet on his hand, the green sea glass sitting delicately on the bone of his wrist. It was the piece he had wanted to buy for his mother at the time. Jinyoung snorts, hard and then slaps a hand to his mouth.  
  
“W-what?” Jaebum stutters. “Is it the wrong one? Do you not like it? I know it-”  
  
“No, no, I love it,” Jinyoung sighs, a small smile on his lips. “Thank you.”  
  
“I wanted to give it to you a long time ago but something kept holding me back...will you wear it?”  
  
“I’ll wear it.”

Jaebum shuffles on the spot, holding Jinyoung's hand with grip like he didn't want to let go but he didn't want to force Jinyoung. 

Jinyoung smiles down at him;  _how could he possibly leave him?_  
  
Jaebum looks up at him, reading his smile with his own. Relief seems to over come his once tense body and he asks finally, “You’re coming back?”  
  
“I’m coming back.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, i srsly apologize for any mistakes. and thank you to my love C, truly an angel sent to me. ;; and thank you for the magne7ic mods for helping me out in my catastrophic moments, you guys are wonderful. i hope you all enjoyed it!


End file.
